People's Republic of Cambridge

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Denise Simmons, shortly after seizing power in 2008

The People's Republic of Cambridge (also known as the People's Democratic Republic of Cambridge is an independent state and socialist republic located in North America. Completely surrounded by the United States of America and the state of Massachusetts, it is one of the last socialist republics left and the only one filled with tweedy college kids. Its main exports are books, paper products, and sarcasm. It lacks any port because Boston ceremonially fucked it with the Charles River Dam, but manages to somehow maintain a perfect economy that is unaffected by any recession. It has no standing army, but the colleges of Harvard and MIT are employed to defend its borders from Bostonians, Somervillians, and Republicans.

History[edit | edit source]

Cambridge was founded in 1630 and claimed territory all over what is now Massachusetts. Massachusetts went to war with Cambridge and, despite aid from the USSR, Cambridge was defeated. It retreated to a small section of land on the Charles River. It bloodlessly annexed several swaths of territory from its neighbors, and erected the Cambridge Wall, a 15 foot concrete barrier completed with guard towers and several ports of entry. The wall was removed in 1991 when it was realized that it could be a replaced with a pretty sweet bike path.

Geography[edit | edit source]

Cambridge is bordered by the cities of Somerville, Watertown, Boston and the towns of Belmont and Arlington. Surrounding its borders is the De-Militarized Zone Community Bike-Path, which replaced the Cambridge Wall in 1991. Cambridge has 13 neighborhoods, each of which are permitted to elect a representative to the Constituent Assembly of Cambridge.

Culture[edit | edit source]

All media in Cambridge must be reviewed by the People's Republic of Cambridge People's Media Commission of the People. So far, not a single item has been censored by them, because everyone in Cambridge has the same beliefs.

Music[edit | edit source]

It is common to see dudes cranking out tunes in the coffee shops or just chilling. Occasionally, you will see one of them working.

News[edit | edit source]

The official newspaper of Cambridge is Pravda.

Government[edit | edit source]

Cambridge is ruled by a Constituent Assembly, who make laws and redistribute land to The Peasants. Private enterprises are not permitted, except ones that have witty names like "Wit's End" or "Harvard Squared".

Battle of Harvard Bridge between Bostonian and Cambrigite Forces

Infrastructure[edit | edit source]

Farm collectivization was proposed in 1934 as a method of keeping the Republic's many students occupied, but was rejected when it was realized that there were no farms in Cambridge. Instead, Cambridge's manpower was directed at building infinite Harvard University Buildings which aren't used and public art projects which no one gives a shit about. Cambridge also directed its infrastructure plan at building endless bike paths, such as the Demilitarized Zone Community Bike Path, the FDR Bike-path Drive, the Major Deegan bike path and the Cross-Bronx bike path.

Bridges[edit | edit source]

Cambridge is connected to Boston by several dozen major suspension bridges, including the Harvard Bridge. All incoming traffic is limited entirely to bicycles.