Penally
Penally is a small rural sea side village near Tenby in the county of Pembrokeshire, the country of Wales, the Magna Carta defined state of Great Britain, within the European Union of nations that aren't Swiss or hunt whales.
Places to Eat & Drink[edit | edit source]
There are two pubs and one night club in Penally, not bad for a village the size of a fleas anus. The Cross and The Paddock are lovely drinking establishments (there use to be a third called The Crown, but it closed as it was shit, and is now a boarded up eyesore) where as the "Pit of Despair", as its locally known, "Jammos", only tangible benefit is that its open late and they play music so loud you can't hear what all the mongoloids from the local caravan site are drunkly screaming. Also good for paedos as they let 14 year olds get drunk.
We have one lovely shop/post office, which despite being the size of a child's cupboard, Dave still sort of manages to stock everything you could possibly need if your old or unable to go somewhere better for some other reason (blind drunk, epicly stoned, no legs...the usual daily problems for a Penally resident). Contrary to popular opinion our beloved Village Postie was NOT cited as a influence in the creation of the "local shop for local people" in the BBC comedy "League of Gentlemen"
Positive Points - Reasons to visit![edit | edit source]
HIGH LEVEL OF SECURITY! The long established military base and firing range dating back to World War Eins is on a constant state of constantly high alert and maximum gun use. The British government have been widely rumored to execute suspected Al-Qaeda and French terrorists/asylum seekers at this "Training Camp".
NO ROAD MARKINGS! Through out most of the village there are no road markings and thus no traffic gestapo. Park anywhere you want! No one cares!
Negative Points - Reasons to stay at home![edit | edit source]
RISK OF BRAIN SPASTICATION! A recently erected a mobile phone mast will slowly give everyone cancer apparently, often in the face or tip of the penis, I haven't had any yet but i'll let you know when I die.
SCHOOL CLOSED DOWN! The school is now closed and all the little kiddies are forced to travel on a Silcox "Scum Bus" to the nearest town, Tenby, if they want to become depressed, disenchanted and baffled with modern life.
History of Penally[edit | edit source]
Penally is also home to Hoyles Mouth Cave where some Neolithic Age (thats pre-Jesus to you and me) man/apes made a home, had big poos and generally hit things with sticks going "oohgabooga". A fine tradition thankfully and accurately preserved by patrons of the what some call "The Vortex of Doom" - yes thats right you guessed it, the afore mentioned Jammos!
Future of Penally[edit | edit source]
Tragically Penally will soon be bulldozered back to dust and shit to make way for a moon ladder.