North Avenue Trade School

King George C. Griffin.

The North Avenue Trade School (sometimes referred to as Georgia Tech or "The Place Where Dreams Come to Die") is the name of a public technical college in Atlanta, Georgia. It boasts several alumni who managed to overcome the vast amount of alcohol consumed during their experiences there, notably Jimmy Carter, Harvey M. Rabbit(PhD.), and, by far its most famous alumnus, George P. Burdell. Georgia Tech also has an impressive list of drop outs including Jeff Foxworthy and soon to be <insert name here>.

School Traditions

The North Avenue Trade School boasts several noteworthy traditions. However, it should be mentioned that foremost among these traditions is that new students are brought onto campus before classes begin and are indoctrinated in many silly fake traditions.

Traditions

Ezio Auditore da Firenze's attempt at stealing the "T" from Tech Tower.

• Yelling "Get Out While You Still Can!" at tour groups of prospective students.
• Stealing the letter "T" from campus signs.
• Prosecuting students who steal the letter "T" from campus signs (see first real tradition).
• Laughing when uga dies
• VR Suicide
• Self-administered suppositories of Adderall to better focus on tests

Fake traditions told to freshmen

• Convincing the freshmen that the "University" of Georgia is an accredited college
• Explaining that all freshmen wear silly yellow hats at all times. Some years the staff goes so far as to provide the hats.
• Teaching the freshmen a secret code word that refers to cheat sheets. Any freshman attempting to actually use this word while requesting cheat sheets is immediately recognized as being uncool and is given fake cheat sheets. Usually this word is "Word."
• Tricking the freshmen into thinking that the North Avenue Trade School is a fun place to be
• The school pays girls from Georgia State and Kennesaw State to walk around the campus during orientation, thus making the ratio seem even.

Student Life

Student body

The student body of the North Avenue Trade School consists primarily of hackers and valedictorians. The average student is an Indian or Asian Male, with an IQ of approximately 140. The students are commonly recognized by their general hatred of life for 30 weeks out of the year, propensity to avoid direct eye contact, or the distinct lump of a USB flash drive in their pocket. MARTA riders can tell when a Tech student is returning to school by the open sobbing and frantic studying on the train. After graduation, Tech students are known by many names. They are North ave residents, geeks, Robert, or Boss (the most common nickname from u(sic)ga graduates)

Stress

The trade school has consistently been reviewed as having the least happy and most stressed students in the nation. This leads to the high level of liver failure.

The Ratio

The ratio of males to females at the North Avenue Trade School is known as the Ratio. The Ratio is believed to be around 7:3. However, this is simply a lie perpetuated to attract more female students. The true ratio is likely 9:1, and if non-science and non-engineering majors are excluded, the ratio is likely closer to 99:1.

Housing

The dilapidated and overcrowded condition of student housing has been a concern for several years. In many cases, a third student is forced to sleep in a two-person dorm. This third student is usually forced to either sleep on the floor or with someone else in the same bed. Freshmen housing is located at the bottom of "Freshman Hill," forcing them to hike uphill to class each day. Most new buildings have a dedicated girls floor, allowing for the necessary separation from creepers. However, due to "The Ratio" noted in the aforementioned section, these floors are largely vacant.

Activities

Most students are highly introverted and prefer to stay in their dorms playing video games for the majority of their free time. However, there are several activities for social individuals. These include parties with a variety of liquors and music. This style of party (quality over quantity) means that the school is not listed as a "top party school." The reason people do not associate drinking with Tech, mostly due to the ability of students to still achieve above-average success compared to passed out students visible on a nearby campus.

Crime

While most universities boast heinous and dark crimes such as petty bike theft and the "cool" kind of drug use, North Avenue Trade School exemplifies crime more in line with its student body. According to records obtained by campus police reports, the most commonly reported crimes are not playing dead after being struck by an opponent during LARPing, not sufficiently pretending to fly whilst running with a broom between one's legs during a game of "Quadball" (formerly known as "Quidditch"), and attempted bludgeoning with a TI-89 during dispute of if P equals NP. Cheating is also commonly reported to campus police, who have to remind students such crimes are not in their jurisdiction, and therefore redirect students to the Office of Academic Integrity. Sadly, most students take retaliation into their own hands due to the longstanding corruption of the Office of Academic Integrity. The most violent crimes, however, are committed by a gang comprised of scooters from the school's scooter sharing network (made sentient by a group of PhD students in 2018 for their dissertation). The gang is so active at night, the school applies a curfew for all students that remains in effect to this day.

Class

On average, techies spend only around 14 hours in class. However, in this short amount of time they are expected to "learn" about many "important" subjects. Such as: Thermodynamics, System Dynamics, Orbital Mechanics, Quantum Mechanics, and Statistical Approach to Pokemon Go. From those measly 14 hours a week they are expected to do at minimum 50 hours of homework a week.

The "Study Pentagram" offers 360 degrees of studying while also created a direct gate to hell.

Dead Week

Dead week is the name given to the week before finals by Techies. The name dead week is derived from the phrase "I wish I was dead", because during dead week this is heard constantly. During this week students spend most of their time studying and bargaining with Satan to pass their classes. Satan typically ask for the blood of a non-virgin in exchange for a "C", as opposed to the blood of a virgin, because he knows it will be harder for Techies to come across.

School Songs

The North Avenue Trade School has two major school songs.

"A Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech"

I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech, and a hell of an engineer--

A helluva, helluva, helluva, helluva, hell of an engineer.

Like all the jolly good fellows, I drink my whiskey clear.

I'm a Ramblin' Wreck from Georgia Tech and a hell of an engineer.

Oh! If I had a daughter, sir, I'd dress her in White and Gold,

And put her on the campus to RAISE THE RATIO!

But if I had a son, sir, I'll tell you what he'd do--

He would yell, 'To hell with Georgia!' like his daddy used to do.

Oh, I wish I had a barrel of rum and sugar three thousand pounds,

A college bell to put it in and a clapper to stir it round.

I'd drink to all the good fellows who come from far and near.

I'm a ramblin', gamblin', hell of an engineer!

"To Hell with Georgia University"

Don't send my boy to MIT the dying mother said....

Don't send my boy to Emory, I'd rather see him DEAD

But send my boy to Georgia Tech, 'tis better than Cornell

And as for the "University" of Georgia,

I'd rather see him in HELL!!

To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia

To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia

To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia

The cesspool of the South

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the stomping of the Dawgs

We should teach those poor dumb farm boys they should stick to slopping hogs

When the Jackets are triumphant we will raise a mighty cheer

We'll do the same next year..

To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia

To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia

To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia

The cesspool of the South

On the field between the hedges there arose a mighty stench

In the dawg's machine the Engineers had thrown a monkey wrench

When the Jackets are triumphant we will raise a mighty yell

"Them dogs can go to hell!"

To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia

To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia

To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia

The cesspool of the South

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the NCAA They're investigating Georgia players to see how much they're paid After counting all the cars, and the loans alumni made They out paid the NBA

To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia

To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia

To Hell to Hell to Hell with Geor-gia

The cesspool of the South!

Mascot

The North Avenue Trade School has two major mascots: Buzz and an old wrecked car that the auto shop has been fixing for more than 50 years. It is often driven onto the field during football games, but if a freshman touches it, they are immediately castrated by the roaring crowd of frat "bros" believing they are cursed.

Rivalries

A typical U(sic)GA alumnus.

The main rival of the North Avenue Trade School is the Athens Community College, who has challenged them in almost every sport for the past 15 years. The drunk inbreds at the aforementioned school to the north frequently recruit criminals to their team to cheat their way to the top. The teams and students hate each other, frequently yelling incoherent taunts at one another and displaying their colors anywhere it matters, and many places it doesn't. It is true that there are more ACC t-shirts than NATS shirts in circulation, as graduates of the Athens Community College tend to work in locations where college T-shirts are considered appropriate attire. In order to compensate for their shortcomings, students of the Athens Community College (read: animals) frequently call graduates of the North Avenue Trade School a number of names, the most common being "Boss" and "Sir". These shortcomings are due to rampant inbreeding, as students of the Athens Community College tend to be sexually attracted to their cousins. Their offspring inherit this fetish, and usually grow up to continue the cycle. It is for this reason that it will not be long before the lifespan of your typical Athens Community College student has a lifespan similar to that of their mascot, an overweight, pampered bull named Uga.