Napoleon complex
“I was NOT compensating for being short. I just liked conquering things. Besides, I was hung like a bull elephant -- just ask Josephine. No, really!”
A Napoleon complex is when a "little person" compensates for being short by being violent as well. For example, just call a short guy a midget. You'll see: the little bastard will leap up and bite off your "happy place".
Don't blame the midget...that’s the highest they can bite.
Napoleon[edit | edit source]
The self-proclaimed Emperor of France was the archetypical overcompensating short guy. One day Leo Tolstoy called Napolean a midget. Just two years later Napoleon jumped up and bit off Russia's "happy place".
Emperor Hirohito[edit | edit source]
The hereditary ruler of Japan was so short that he could run under tables without ducking his head. He raped Nanking in order to feel larger, but caught a nasty Chinese STD from the harbor water. Later he attacked Pearl Harbor but caught a nasty American STD. His "happy place" having become extremely unhappy, Hirohito retired from the war business in 1945.
King Hitler[edit | edit source]
It is well known that Adolf Hitler had only one testicle; what is less known is how that came to be. One day little Corporal Hitler stood in front of a full-length mirror, feeling depressed and morose and gloomy and sad and emo. He was so sad he wished he had a thesaurus so he could look up more words for sad. Anyway, he muttered "Christ! What a wenig midget I am." Immediately he jumped up and bit himself savagely in his own "happy place". Then he howled and ran to the infirmary, where they salvaged what they could.
Famous Shorties[edit | edit source]
- Robert Gates
- Danny DeVito
- Tom Cruise
- All Asians except the real tall ones.
- All pygmies except the real tall ones.
- All Oompah-Loompahs except the real tall ones.
- All 12-ounce stubby beer bottles. No tall ones exist.
- All the short Masai. The really short ones, we mean.
- All the really short giraffes.
- The moons of Mars, if we are talking about diameter and not height. And if we are comparing them to the other moons in the Solar System. Well, there are probably more teeny tiny moons than big ones, actually, and if you count stuff like asteroids then the large moons are the freaks. Comparisons are, in the end, invidious. We always wondered what invidious means, so we looked it up: "offensively or unfairly discriminating; injurious". So we suppose in the end that singling out short people like Asians and pygmies and comparing the short little fucks to the beautiful tall people like O.J. Simpson might be kind of invidious.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- Short people can actually play basketball quite well, but The Man is keeping them down.