Mr Blobby
“Pink, spotty, rubber, twat.”
– Vic and Bob on Mr. Blobby
“What he said.”
– Oscar Wilde on Mr. Blobby
“Despite the limitation of his poor co-ordination, he knows he'll show the world a thing or two.”
– Noel Edmonds on Mr. Blobby
“Despite the limitation of his poor co-ordination, he knows jack shit.”
– Mr Blobby on Noel Edmonds
“Is actually Joseph McCay in disguise...no, really...”
– Anthony Morgan on Mr. Blobby
Mr Blobby (born Charles Edward Blob; 1 September 1939), the gruesome love child of Andy Warhol and Roy Lichtenstein, is one of the most famous British entertainers in history. He has appeared in such shows like The London Palladium and has often toured the country with his unique brand of stand up comedy. His best known stand up show is the infamous and controversial Immigrants = Homeless Wankers. In his spare time, Blobby has also made his name as a nationwide entertainer on Saturday night's Noel's House Party.
He was born in a disused council house to father Len and some (to this day), unknown whore (probably Your Mom). As a bright pink-and-yellow character made, presumably, of gloop, he didn't get laid much and this led to much bottled-up rage inside ultimately turning him into the totalitarian monster we see today.
On May 32, 2002, Mr Blobby won People's Magazine "Most Beautiful Person in the World" award. The Queen was said to have been infuriated at second place, confidently declaring she would've come first - had she not forgotten to put on her eyeliner.
In the early '90s, Blobby played a part in the the famous porno "Big Blooby", which was later dramatised by acclaimed film maker / budgerigar Quentin Tarantino. It was after this that he turned to drugs in a ditch effort to try and forget the memories of the events that happened that fateful day.
Behind the bright blue eyes and freakish smile lies a tortured soul, who was enslaved by the BBC for an eternity with Noel Edmonds in Crinkley Bottom. Blobby pissed off Greg when he went on a massive spree of drug taking and debauchery. As he'd tried it on with Mrs Dyke (not an actual Dyke, but Greg Dyke's wife), Blobby was sacked by the BBC and found refuge with a diamond in the terrible land of Crinkley Bottom - Noel Edmonds.
As a former addict himself, Noel Edmonds was the man that helped Blobby overcome his addiction to crack cocaine. When Noel launched his sorry ass into politics, he decided to expose a thoughtful, EU friendly side of Blobby to the public. Noel did this by letting him introduce his Discourses on the Globalisation Debate.
In the late '90s, Blobby toured and spoke in British schools, advising of the possible dangers behind the use of cocaine and party biscuits. He was also an after dinner speaker at Charles and Camilla's wedding in 2005.
Alleged Bomb Plot[edit | edit source]
It was later uncovered that Mr Blobby was the mastermind of a bomb plot to kill cheese producers. On the 29th of September police raided Blobby's residence and found a large quantity of explosives, ammunition, guns and other weapons. When later questioned he reportedly said that he was keeping them safe for a friend - however, one individual came forward anonymously, claiming to have seen Blobby directly plotting the total destruction of the cheese factory.
Faced with this, Blobby admitted his intention to wipe out the cheese factory, but said he only intended to blow the place up by farting vigorously. Thankfully the plot wasn't carried out, but intense studies on the destructiveness of his farts caused major concerns. It emerged that his farting was the main cause of Global Warming, and he was ordered to walk around with a gas exchanger attached to his trousers.
After learning of Mr Blobby's terrorist intentions, Osama bin Laden invited Mr Blobby to join Al-Qaeda, which he accepted. Blobby performed so well in his terrorist activities that Bin Laden fell in love with Blobby - and the two married 3 months later. 9 months after that, they bore triplets named Molojad, Mahmoud and Stephanie, all born in Los Angeles, California.
Move To ITV[edit | edit source]
After being sacked for making out with Noel Fielding live on the BBC, Blobby made a return to TV with his brand new Saturday Night show Mr Blobby's Sexcapades, taking over from previous presenter David Walliams - after Walliams was arrested for a series of ill-advised tweets praising Hitler and calling for the total destruction of Plymouth.
2001 saw Mr Blobby present the first series of I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here! but a year later he was replaced by Ant and Dec for reasons to this day unexplained. Blobby infamously hit back at ITV bosses calling them 'fascist bastards'. He was immediately sacked and his short tenure at ITV came to an end.
A year later, he appeared on Piers Morgan's Life Stories, unable to say more than 'Blobby!'. Later writing on his blog, he said he had informed Morgan of his plans to undergo a sex change, surgically transform into his foster father Noel Edmonds, and live the rest of his life in privacy.
Mental Breakdown[edit | edit source]
After he was fired by ITV, Blobby entered a mental health clinic following several incidents of indecent exposure. Such incidents included:
- Running stark bollock naked onto the Millennium Stadium in 2002 during the FA Cup Final and throwing the football at several players, suspending play
- Falling through the ceiling and killing a finalist during the World Snooker Championship at The Crucible Theatre, Sheffield
- Sunbathing nude at the Chelsea Flower Show, before biting the head off a prize-winning orchid and hurling manure at Alan Titchmarsh
- Using the Trafalgar Square fountains as a bidet, traumatizing a passing group of schoolchildren
Mr Blobby spent the next several decades in the dark and dingy basement of the Chuckle Brothers, covered in Marmite and sick. Blobby was presumed dead until his various appearances in the 2020s.
Sightings[edit | edit source]
Several McDonald's employees have said that Blobby is a regular customer of their Sheffield branch, and on more than one occasion has eaten the entire restaurant's supply of burgers, resulting in the walls being covered in what they've described as 'pink shit'. This has sparked a media sensation, with several manhunts led personally by Noel Edmonds. During the manhunts, Noel was reported to have shouted 'I'm not doing it just to get on telly!'
He has since been sighted on various television shows such as Britain's Got Talent, Harry Hill's TV Burp and Dancing on Ice, wrecking absolute havoc and causing millions of pounds in damages.