Mitch Bainwol
Mitch Bainwol (or, as he is known is his native tounge, Bitch Mainwol, son of Mog'var the Destroyer) is a demon from hell and the current overlord of the Really Ignorant Assholes of America, or RIAA. He is well known for his ability to breathe fire and is the arch-nemesis of freedom. It is said that if you stand in front of a mirror in pitch black with only a lit candle as a source of light, and sing any song three times, that Bitch Mainwol will come out of the mirror and sue you for every penny you're worth.
Current jobs[edit | edit source]
- Body double for Big Gay al from south park
- Bill Gates's arse slave
- Gigolo for epilepsy suffering midgets.
- Military tester for suicide pills
- Child pornographer
- Open heart surgeon for lab rats
- Elephant inseminater
- Open source advocate
- Dick Sucker
- Clown Prostitute
Donating to the poorRaking in all that motherfucking cash!!!!- Is a bitch obviously...I think....
Files[edit | edit source]
Bainwol was the first person in the world to discover that downloading even just one file from the internet would instantly bankrupt the entire music industry. Here is the essay he wrote that he used to prove this:
"Joe McCarthy's Mitch Bainwol's proof that files are communism
By Joe McCarthy Mitch Bainwol
When a user downloads a file, he is downloading a copy of something from the real world, such as a song from the real world, a picture from the real world, or a computer program from the real world. That song, picture, or computer program has a value in real money. When you put a picture of the Mona Lisa in your cache, you copied 680 million dollars worth of money into your computer. This causes inflation and makes the dollar and any other currency worthless. Therefore we have to go a form of government that doesn't use money, like communism."
Everyone agrees that this makes sense, so nobody will ever download any file, ever.
However, that only includes people. Some evil communist terrorists who aren't even really people so much as devils sent by Satan to ruin life for everyone, decided to download some files. The value of money was temporarily worthless, but fortunately there wasn't a panic because everyone was asleep at the time. Everyone except Mitch Bainwol that is, who sued the communist terrorist devils and won an infinite trillion dollars, which he burned, causing money to be worth money again. For this he won a congressional medal of honor which made him a national hero in every country except hell, where the communist terrorist devils hate him and plot to secretly make the western world communist when he isn't looking.