Millipede

One of my pet millipedes (not the one that bit me, he'll not have his his photoshoot today WILL YOU JEREMY!)

Hello! and welcome to my page all about the wonderful insect the Millipede, I myself am a millipede owner, and I have between 20 to 400 in my living room at any one time lol (you'll see the relevance of that later) Anyway, millipedes are fascinating and often highly poisonous many-legged invertebrates belonging to the genus Pedosus, which includes millipedes, centipedes, decapedes, pedepedes, toomanypedes, and infinipedes. While their name suggests that they have one thousand legs, this is not true, and most have between 20 and 400 pairs of legs, two to each segment except the first one, which only has one pair. They are often mistaken for centipedes by people that have never actually seen either of them and have only heard their names. Millipedes, unlike centipedes, are very gentle (except to centipedes), harmless (except to centipedes), and love life (except if it involves centipedes). You'll have to excuse me if I take a while writing this page, I was recently bitten by Jeremy, my new Amazonian Halluciageno Giant Millipede and I'm feeling a little strange.

Biology or something

As was previously stated, millipedes do not, in fact, have one thousand legs. They have 20 to 400 pairs, depending on how long it is and what specific species it belongs to. One of the oddest features of the millipede is that its poison glands and scent glands are combined. This can be deterring and threatening to predators (in this case, salamanders), as not only do they stink, but the stink is filled with poison. The poison burns the attacker's skin and eyes. The poison makes the poison hallucinate. I should know, I got bitten by one half an hour ago. Did I mention that? The poison can cause some memory loss, I remember it well.

Like many arthropods, it has two antennae, used for smelling and feeling. Millipedes intertwine these when mating. Brain wave pattern measurements reveal that millipedes have more powerful orgasms than any other animal on Earth. It is speculated that this is connected to the antenna intertwining, and boosting the reception for millipede blue movies. Their main defense is rolling into a ball to protect their stomach and legs and genitalia. This can also be an attack if done at the top of a hill or at the bottom of a cannon.

Diet

Millipedes mainly eat leaves, fruits, leaves, vegetables, leaves, dirt, and leaves. If confronted with a centipede, the centipede will most often cede and allow the millipede to eat it, as most do not want any trouble with anything with more legs (as in anything with over 20 to 400 legs), Oh, and they also like leaves.

20 to 400 legs, understand?

Evolution

Millipedes developed their legs over thousands of years of falling over. Their close relative the snake is seen as beneath them by the millipede council who believe the snake's original ancestor to have been a millipede who fell over and was too lazy to get up. The millipede has developed surprising intelligence over the years to outsmart the snake and escape becoming prey, but unfortunately their vast wisdom can not be heard by human ears as their mouth is so small.

Rivalry with centipedes

Ever since the first centipede and millipede laid eyes on each other, they immediately developed a strong hatred for each other. The millipede, while knowing that it is vastly weaker than the centipede, still tricks it into thinking it is inferior because it does not have as many legs.

Revolution

In the Centipede Revolution of 1616, a group of 16 centipedes, all of which had 16 pairs of legs due to surgery, revolted against the millipede dictator Шестнадцать XX to CD. The centipedes used the cursed number of 16 (the number of leg pairs a centipede should never have) to the fullest, attacking with bad luck so powerful it was deadly. Succeeding, the millipedes were defeated, but not completely destroyed. The millipedes and centipedes agreed to do away with the dictatorship and to instead run under capitalism, which the centipedes soon realized was just a more lenient dictatorship, only now rich pedes got two free cows. They were angry, but decided that nobody cared and just went with it.

Forced Alliance

The only time in history millipedes and centipedes fought on the same side was the 1912 Salamander Invasion. On June 30th, 1912, 20 salamanders invaded a major millipede-centipede city, looking to "eat 'til they puke". Both pedes had a common enemy and had no choice but to fight alongside each other. With the centipedes' powerful bites and the millipedes' potent poison, the salamanders were driven out of the city. Both pedes celebrated together for one day before going back to irrational hatred for each other.

Millipede Wah

Do you like millipede? Milli's cookies are made from millipede... oh my goddd!

With Humans

Some people, either wanting to be different or if they have no money, keep millipedes as pets, usually the really big African variety that may be mistaken for a snake or a large mound of feces from a distance. Many millipede owners at first may have trouble not getting scalded by stinky poison every time they try to touch it. Over time, this becomes less of an issue as the millipede takes a liking to its owner, or decides to just ignore them. In some cultures, people remove the poison glands from the millipedes, fry them, dip them in ketchup, and eat them. They are rumored to taste like chicken, just like every other exotic food item that nobody likes. Many Japanese children mistake larger millipedes as some kind of new Pokemon and attempt to throw red and white balls at them. The millipedes will usually burn their eyes and noses with poison, which accounts for 4.8% of all children's hospital walk-ins.

Pinko stick luv

All in all, the millipede is a boring, useless, and all-around pointless to nature beautiful animal in the eyes of nature, together with every other animal under the sun, and HELP ME, I'M A CENTIPEDE AT GUNPOINT BY THE MILLIPEDE POLICE DEPARTMENT OH MY FUCK THEY'RE COMING FOR ME, HEL I apologize, I didn't mean to do that. I do hope you understand, the walls are bleeding. Please understand.

Human Centipede film outrage

The film the Human Centipede caused outrage amongst insects alike (excluding millipedes) when it was first released due to the way it insinuates that the idea of a creature half human half centipede creature is some how disgusting. Many centipede family's wrote in to complain about the film, calling it discriminative and asked for the film to be withdrawn. Despite this setback for the film it has proved a number one best seller with it's millipede viewers.