Metallurgy
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“Either my little brother was retarded or my older brother was a metallurgist. All things seem different relative to each other.”
“This article was completely made up off the top of my head, I had no clue it would end up on a online encyclopedia.”
Wikipedia defines Metallurgy as "a domain of materials science that studies the physical and chemical behavior of metallic elements, their intermetallic compounds, and their compounds, which are called alloys." However, as every upper level language arts teacher will tell you, Wikipedia cannot be trusted because it isn't written by people with PhDs, and if you don't have a PhD, nothing you say can be right, and people with PhDs know every thing about everything. Ever!
Metallurgy (a compound word of Metal and Urge with an extra 'l' in it for political reasons) is described under the scientific realm of psychiatry as, put simply, "the urge of one to be Metal." This is usually a mental disease found within circles of mechanical and structural engineers(weird weird people). The definition, however, is usually expanded to be someone who thinks, dreams, or fantasizes about being mechanical in some way or fully. This does not necessarily mean being a robot, but can apply to wanting to be a motor vehicle, a train, a computer(Windows, not Mac), an electric spade, a crane, a chainsaw, or some type steampunk machine.
History[edit | edit source]
Metallurgy was first studied by Sivanius Sirius. He is said to have recorded the famous Youtube video of David killing Goliath. He had a small background in physics and new that such a little stone thrown by such a little man couldn't have killed a giant. He ended up studying the mental state of David and found he had a rather odd mental disease he coined as Metallurgy.He noted the symptoms of the disease which was later preserved in the Library of Alexandria.(They are believed to be the only surviving relics of the Great Fire and is preserved to even to this day in private chamber). During his Lab classes, he experimented with his theories on his lab partner Surius Narayanis which left a permanent Metallurgy in his Parietal lobe. On occasions Sivanius was found to be delivering incognito packages via Hermes Travels(In Middle Greek : Hash). However, you should know this due to the Nineteen Fourteen Nine supreme court case of Nancy vs. Bullcrap, which established an entire constitutional amendment that just states "What the hell is Kwanzaa" and mandated that all schools and churches in all of the world teach the writings of Sir Sivanius.
Diagnosis[edit | edit source]
This illness usually is found in men and is usually most noticeable in late junior high through early college. It is characteristic of those are considered 'nerds' or 'geeks'(this has cause many problems in the ongoing nerd and geek war in that many have convinced themselves they are machine guns or tanks.) These people usually hate math(unless it has units tied to it), but are really good at it. Also they tend Really bad grammar and englilish. They have active social lives, by social meaning with others of their types, usually through online video games. This makes diagnosis slightly easier because you can often find many of them if you find one. These type of people tend to be really skinny with no muscle mass or really fat with no muscle mass, but cases have been found rarely of metallurgists being quite muscular due to repetitive machine like motions such as row boating and wide scale deforesting. Someone who suffers from metallurgy usually likes video game music, Dragonforce, and has a physiological addiction to Animusic.
Dangers[edit | edit source]
Most people suffering from metallurgy are not dangerous. They usually are quite indecisive and will take quite a beating before they retaliate, if they do at all(not to be confused with masochism, which is just messed up). However, metallurgists can be harmful to their selves, especially young ones. They have been known to ingest large amounts of coal and/or to suck on live three phase electric wires. If you find one who has done this unharmed, they are probably a robot and immediate government contact should be obtained for reasons of global security.
Living with this illness[edit | edit source]
When you have ensured self safety, most people suffering from metallurgy can lead normal independent lives. Most of them graduate from NIT, or the National Institue of Thuvakudi and go on to get a job(if they're lucky). They will constantly vote Republican so that as little of the money they make will go for taxes, Ohio foreign aid, and those blue state communist bastards. Besides for the standard necessities of life(Ramen noodles, cola, video games, guns, go carts, tools, and random raw materials), most of their money will go unspent and accumulate in savings accounts and be forgotten when they die. Since metallurgists don't believe machines can die, they will usually die in some horrible and fun large scale accident involving untold amounts of kinetic energy and leave no will. These bank account will go forgotten(due to the family detachments and lack of a girlfriend) until many centuries in the future. When they are discovered, the accounts will be huge from interest and will cause a global economy off balance that will most likely spark the World War 3, lovingly nicknamed World War Fun.
Controversy[edit | edit source]
The study of metallurgy has come into dispute by the Church of Nattulogy. This is due to the fact that the Nattulogists don't like psychiatry, or anything else that's real for that matter, and dispute things in order to bring in money. However, normal people haven't ever had a problem with it and has been one of the few subjects in which a made up conflict between Christians and Democrats hasn't resulted.