MF DOOM
“I like his music, but his voice is so strange!”
“I like his music, but his mask is so strange!”
“I don't particularly care for him much at all.”
MF DOOM (July 13, 1971 – October 31, 2020), also known by a number of equally inane names, was a musician, producer and part-time animal rights activist. Contrary to popular belief, DOOM did not rap; rather, his music was performed via a mixture of oratory acrobatics and linguistic regurgitation. The combination gained him a fanbase that is estimated in the tens of thousands.
DOOMsday: An MF History
Born Daniel Dumile, MF DOOM was not always the slurring anti-poet idolized by college-aged white people the world over. In his early life, Dumile grew up in jolly old England, laughing and frolicking amongst the happy-go-lucky tarts, vicars, and other English commoners. Upon realizing how altogether pansy the English are, Dumile emigrated to New York City, seeking a gritty, more masculine existence. It was in the Big Apple that he would lose his ability to form sentences and gain a general animosity towards existence.
As a homeless person in New York, Dumile took up a number of hobbies, including recreational drug use and the study of fringe pseudo-verse (a highly experimental, highly unstable form of lyrical composition which he could adapt to his diminished mental capacity). After months spent in the public library, and a number of weeks in a methadone-dispensing rehabilitation center, Daniel felt his craft was ready to be unveiled for all the world to see. However, self-loathing had consumed the young Dumile long prior. In compromise, Danny robbed a local Viking for his stylish metal faceguard and performed therein. The new facial adornment led him the name MF DOOM ("MF" standing for "Mick Foley," his favorite wrestler at the time).
"Wow, his raps are so original that I can't understand a god damn word he's saying!"
After infiltrating the smug New York intellectual rap scene, DOOM helmed a small but devoted following of fraternity brothers from NYU. The bros, so perplexed and intrigued by DOOM's ability to say a lot of things very quickly, began buying anything and everything he put out. Noting this economic phenomenon, DOOM began recording with great fervor, completing approximately four hundred tracks in a matter of days. Compiling these records into full-length albums, DOOM flooded the NYC avant garde music scene with MF products. And as expected, his backpacking admirers purchased every last one.
UPDATE: Babel fish is now compatible with DOOM. A short demonstration of its full capabilities: Gibberish ---> DOOM Gibberish Mark 2
Rise to Acute Stardom
With the amassed fandom he had acquired, it was only natural that Mr. Dumile's influence be spread beyond the five boroughs. For everywhere it seemed, there were similar college whitey's who also longed for the ability to consider themselves hip-hop fans. As such, MF DOOM became the slack-jawed rhyme-fairy, bestowing the title upon all takers. Forever more, Brett Haroldson of Ohio State University could say things like "I listen to rock, but I like some rap too," or "Hey! I do so like black people!"
This modicum of success caught the eye of fellow musicians within the same market. As such, DOOM began collaborating with every living organism within the independent music scene. He also rediscovered his passion for recreational drug use, and released a number of instrumental albums detailing his experiences through loop-based interpretive songcraft. (see Collaborations and Side Projects).
DOOM spoke candidly about his success to TREND Magazine in 2001:
| “ | You know you know the way I flip the hoobajoob. Stickball fill more baseball diamonds than juicy fruit. A heated argument turned to a tea party when I got my hand caught in the cookie jar and couldn't manage a backspin. I'm a cactus plant in a snowy avalanche. I make it hot more times than POW POW doin' the hammer dance. Kid snookie ookie with a snag snaggle tooth. I book bookie time to do this shit in a vocal booth. | ” |
It was also at this time that DOOM found an interest in legitimate horticulture and topiary design.
Select DOOMisms
MF DOOM's vast arsenal of almost-rhymes spans the equivalent of 400 college-ruled spiral notebooks. Below is a brief set of his most critically acclaimed lines, and their (possible) meanings.
LYRIC: Hit by a meteor is a summer thumper jumper/I ring ring the telephone and dial up wrong numbers/The kids been fresh since fruit hit the market/since the first time I bought an LP by Alan Parsons
MEANING: I've been cool for a long time. I'm also quite crazy, possibly due to a large rock smashing the base of my skull when I was a young man.
LYRIC: You do the sock hop,I do the drop drop/I make the rock rock, you make the rock rock/I shock the shock shock, you mock the crock pot/I do the do do, you do the do not.
MEANING: You aren't as good at doing things as I am.
LYRIC: The greatest show on Earth makes kids do the shoop-a-loop/Better than the airplanes in Dreamflight doin' loop-de-loops/I'm chargin' my lasers black bastard like shoop-da-woop/Save the SHH SHH SHH for the hush of your goofy troop
MEANING: I'm really cool, and can restate this fact in many, many ways. Also, I take offense to online memes. Especially ones racist against black people. Making fun of Asians is okay though.
LYRIC: Make sure she don't wake from her dream, a killer get caught with a hand full of cream filled...cookies...
MEANING: I go into women's bedrooms at night and honk their chesticles while they sleep, then possibly kill them with cream filled cookies.
Collaborations and Side Projects
Side Projects
As Dumile's mental proficiency dwindled in the streets of New York, he began developing a multiple personality disorder. However, all the personalities Dumile developed were inherently similar, to the point where no one could truly distinguish their differences. Here is a selection of these characters:
- Viktor Vaughn - DOOM portrays himself as a 1920's megaphone crooner, regularly referencing Vaudeville mainstays such as the often-lauded "Who's on First?" skit. Most agree that his rhymes do not sound any more intelligible through a bullhorn.
- King Geedorah - DOOM rhymes about being a sea monster.
- Madison Pengrove - Reexamining his English roots, DOOM explores the concept of a refined British playwright. A playwright who can neither speak nor properly construct the English language. His concept album Madpengroveny was released in 2003 under this alias.
- Special Herbs Vol. 1-53 - The Special Herbs series is DOOM's freeform instrumental project. Being that every track used in these compilations is loop-based, DOOM is afforded the opportunity to jam back the releases with a large array of material. However, he generally opts for letting the same loop run endlessly, inducing a coma-like listening experience akin to consuming the "herbs" for which the series is named.
Collaborations
Stated prior, DOOM has made his presence known on nearly every independent record released within the last twelve years. Below is a list of his more prominent non-solo efforts.
- Gorillaz - An already comical gimmick consisting of cartoon musicians akin to The Archies, it was only natural that DOOM would gravitate towards the group. Their project was slated to be an entire album's worth of material. However, hopes of this project were dampened by band being fictional, and DOOM's inability to communicate. As such, only a single track was cut.
- Madvillain - While traveling the California coastline on a spiritual vision quest, DOOM met and befriended a shroom-crazed Renaissance musician known as Madlib. Due to his drug-induced ability to communicate with animals, Madlib and DOOM became close friends. Their collaborative effort spanned 6 consecutive months of production (the longest amount of time DOOM has ever spent making an album). Their Madvilla Homes and Estates LP was released in 2005.
- DangerDOOM - Looking for other producers well-versed in the art of chopping samples like a Benihana chef, DOOM sought to collaborate with Danger Mouse. The Cartoon Network's "edgy" preteen-targeted Adult Swim imprint caught wind of the project and made a point to slap their products all over the prospective record. J.D. Power and Associates praised the 3-party collaboration as a "triumph for corporate synergy."
- Monster Island Czars - Again, DOOM rhymes about being a sea monster. This time, he is joined by friends. They are also sea monsters.
MF Lip Syncing
Recently, allegations of on-stage lip syncing have been waged against DOOM, leading to several concert cancellations. DOOM's management came forward to counter these claims, only to find that DOOM was, in fact, mouthing to a prerecorded set of music. As such, DOOM's agent and style coach Peanut Butter Wolf stated that "DOOM has been ill for some time. It's not that he's lazy or can't perform the songs. He simply can't remember what the hell he's talking about in his thirty thousand song catalogue. And, since no one else can ever understand what he's saying, no one has been able to properly transcribe the lyrics. But hey, he wears a mask anyway; how the hell can you tell if his lips are moving or not!? Stop being so damn picky!"
