Limpet

The world's number one resource on the not-so-many ways to use limpets.

“There are not that many other animals, especially not any other molluscs, that simultaneously make you realize that your life has a purpose, yet also make you reflect on your life and realize how truly worthless you really are.”

~ Oscar Wilde on limpets

A limpet is a truly useless creature. You may ask people all over town, "What do I do with a limpet?", and yet nobody will give you a good answer. The best answer is "take it and feed it to other animals." Limpets exist for no reason other than to confuse people about what the purpose of their existence is. The best thing that one may immediately think of when it comes to doing something with a limpet is as follows:

Try to pry the limpet off a rock with your thumbs, and fail because you're out of shape. Then bang the limpet with a rock to smash its shell (then feel kind of sorry despite the limpet being barely sentient), then remove the shards of its shell from the slimy creature. Then flip the creature upside down and wait for a seagull to come and eat the limpet.

Answers that you may have gotten from asking people what to do with a limpet

• "Take it and feed it to other animals."
• "Turn "limpet" into an insult towards people who contribute nothing to society: "You don't fucking do anything all day! You just stay in one place and don't move at all. You're a fucking limpet!""
• "Turn "limpet" into an insult as above, watch your new insult catch on, but regret your decisions as people begin to use it as an insult towards you."
• "Maybe you could start working out again. After a while you'd be able to pull a limpet off a rock easily."
• "What's a 'limpet'? "
• "Err... I don't know.
• "Cut yourself free from a seal net with a limpet's razor-sharp edge." (to the like 2 people who get that reference)
• "Limp it out of the rocky shore and find something else to do, you worthless-ass limpet."
• "I don't know... eat them or something?"

Things for limpets to do with YOU!

For anyone on a sojourn in Soviet Russia, news flash, in Soviet Russia, limpets wonder what to do with YOU! But alas, a limpet is capable of not much other than clamping itself to a rock and praying that it will not be shoveled up by shoveled up by pelicans, seagulls or sea otters. Maybe a limpet could cling on to your dick, what a strange new sex toy. Just don't let anyone know that you have a fucking limpet clamped to your cock, that would be the most embarrassing thing ever.