Ladying

An example of how not to conduct "ladying".

Ladying is the act of looking for the Ladies. Whether it be looking for a date, a girlfriend, or a one-night stand, many guys spend a good part of their life ladying.

On Your Own

When ladying on your own, a singles bar is good because you're expected to be alone.

There is always a strong temptation to attempt the 'Hugh Grant' method of solo ladying which involves looking slightly miserable in a corner and then talking a load of unintelligable spaf when eligible prey come within reach. Hugh Grant picked up this method from the Tuscan hobo-fish which lures unsuspecting passing fish and aquatic mammals to help it out, despite being perfectly fine. The Grant method never really works because only really desperate women come and talk to you. And usually they're not worth it.

The most successful solo ladying methods are:

Clubbing: Club the object of desire unconscious and take her back to your lair.

Animal sounds: Sometimes communication through words can be a cumberstone and tedious process, and it's at these times one should rethink the approach. Useing animal sounds is a proven efficient way to impress females. Cow, dog and walruss noises are always a big turn on for ladies at all ages, and can be used to great success. Still one should keep in mind that some people have bad experiences with certain kinds of animals and one should there for evaluate the situations at all times, carefully reading signs of disgust and loathing.

Weasel Talk: Pretend to be more important and interesting than you actually are.

Cucumbering: Explain about cucumbers, their various uses around the house and describe the variety of cucumbers you keep in your fridge. Don't fall into the trap of discussing french beans or your evening will be wasted.

Blue Drinking When the going gets tough, the tough get chemical. Distract her with poetic musings on the nature of sunsets and how you rescue small animals in your free time while gazing longingly into her eyes. Then, when you have her full attention and anything you say is music to her ears, slip the special substance you keep in your cufflinks into her drink and toast her health. Not only will your ladying be successful, you'll also be able to persuade her to pay for your bus ticket back to your studio-apartment.

Ultimately though, no campaign of solo ladying is ever truly successful as you either look like a right loner or get arrested. Or both.

With Your Buddies

When ladying with your buddies, a place like a dance is good, so you have a fallback.

You should create a code word or sign telling your buddies that your workin' it and they should back off. For example, look at your friend and say, "You're blocking". Alternatively, make a slashing movement with you hand.

Pick-up Lines

Some pick-up lines of varying quality.

• Do you have a boyfriend? When you're ready for a manfriend, give me a call.
• It's hot enough to fry an egg in here. Oh, that's you!
• Nice legs. When do they open?
• That dress looks good on you, but it would look even better crumpled up on my floor.
• Do you believe in love at first sight or do I have to walk by you again?
• Are you doing anything later, because I need a ride.
• That dress is very becoming on you. If I was that dress, I'd be coming on you as well.

What Not To Do

Things you shouldn't do when ladying.

1. Ladying is a delicate procedure. Don't take it lightly. You should always be prepared to go ladying, since the ladies can show up at any minute, so be sure to keep a wingman and a back-up wingman around you at all times.
2. Do NOT bring your mom.
3. Don't use too much axe. While a reasonable amount can benefit the process, too much will result in disaster. Plus you might want to have your arms.