Clowning
There are many variations of Clowning . Well, actually there are just two, clown clowning, and joe schmoe clowning. The general use of the verb clowning is to describe witty, comical actions or situations.
Clown clowning[edit | edit source]
Who clowns[edit | edit source]
The people that participate in clown clowning are, obviously, clowns. Yes, those scary looking, inherently evil, pasty faced "entertainers" at children's parties. They clown by doing obnoxious dances, pulling long ribbons out of their pockets, and blowing up balloons and making them into animals. At first glance this may seem to be innocent fun that keeps the kids occupied, but beware! The clown is actually hypnotizing and brain washing your children so that he can more easily kidnap and kill them! He first hypnotizes the children by doing those silly dances. They also lose themselves in the clowns scarring color scheme. Then the clown lures the children to his clown car with animal balloons. If the children resist, he then uses that ribbon he pulled out of his pocket to tie up the little tykes. Parents, please, please, please, do not hire a clown for your child's birthday, bat mitzvahs, or coming out party!!!! It will only lead to grief and disaster.
What is clowned upon[edit | edit source]
Children are what is clowned upon. Dwarfs, midgets, little people, hobbits, and people who have lost their shins so that they have to walk on their knees may be mistaken for children and therefore they could, in theory, be clowned upon too.
Where clowning occurs[edit | edit source]
Clowning occurs where clowns are hired as a form of sick, derived entertainment. These places include kids restaurants, circuses, fairs, strip clubs, and as mentioned before birthdays, bat mitzvahs, and coming out parties.
Why clowning happens[edit | edit source]
There are multiple theories that try to explain why clown clowning occurs. Here are the top five theories that are the most believable:
- Clowns are evil monsters from mars that live off of young, children blood.
- Nobody wants to grow up to be a clown so the current clowns must kidnap childern and brainwash them into becoming future clowns.
- Clowns like to kill children because they are missing a particular gene in their DNA (called luvofkids gene).
- Because all the cool clowns are doing it.
- This is how they rebel against the man.
Future of clowning[edit | edit source]
Clowning seems to be inevitable in the future. Parents continue to be blind towards all the negative consequences that hiring a clown causes, so they will continue to hire them. Circuses are practically run by clowns, so there will be no shortage of them there. Fairs are run by carnies which is one step away from being a clown so there will also continue to be clowns there. The future looks dim, because of all the future clowns that will block out the sun with there unending ribbon chains.
Joe Schmoe clowning[edit | edit source]
There are two categories of joe schmoe clowning. There is physical clowning which is when physical objects are moved or placed into a humorous position. The second genre of clowning is profile clowning. This is when one adds untrue or amusing words and phrases to another persons personal profile. The word "clowned" is used to signify a past clowning event or experience. Example: "My facebook got clowned on by my roommate." A "clown" is a person who performs clowning. Someone who is clowned upon is called the "clownee". Clowning should not be confused with joking, which is a harmful or detrimental act towards another person. How does one know when clowning has crossed the line and become joking? There are three major signs that make an act no longer clowning, but a joke. The three signs are: people crying, fights breaking out, and males getting kicked in the balls, and then claiming they did nothing wrong.
Who clowns[edit | edit source]
Joe Schmoe clowning is most commonly performed by teenage men between the ages of 16 and 24. There are rare cases of females clowning, but they do not clown to the extent of males. Clowning can be performed by an individual, or by a group. Clowning is 42% more likely to be committed by someone who is in a fraternity. A chapter of the Lambda Chi Alpha fraternity at Wittenberg University is famous for its clowning abilities.
What is clowned upon[edit | edit source]
Common objects that are used in physical clowning are flag poles, junk, art sawhorses, and furniture. Furniture that are used most often are chairs and tables. The objects are stacked to dangerous heights, placed in humorous positions, or leaned against doors so that when the door is opened the object falls into the person entering through the doorway. Profile clowning is a more complex process. Gaining access to another's password protected profile is difficult. One way clowns gain access to a personal profile is through guessing the password to the clownee's profile. Another way is to wait till the clownee leaves their computer while still having the profile open on their computer. Profile clowning can sometimes include photoshopped pictures.
Where clowning occurs[edit | edit source]
Physical clowning is commonly performed in rooms with multiple, easily moved objects or furniture. If a room is left unattended by an authority figure for long periods of time, it doubles its chances to be clowned upon. Profile clowning can occur on any personal profile, but facebook is the most frequently used profile. Clowns usually change the facebook profile into a profile with a homosexual tone.
Why clowning happens[edit | edit source]
The question "why do people clown?" has been asked for thousands of years. There is no one answer as to why a particular individual clowns, for almost everyone clowns for a different reason. Some clown because of boredom. Others clown in order to have something funny to look at and tell their friends about. Still others clown to make others mad or annoyed. Sometimes clowning is used as revenge for a previous act of clowning.
Future of clowning[edit | edit source]
The future of clowning is hazy. Even though there seems to be increases in clowning activity, there are many people who would like to see clowning stopped. People who wish to put an end to clowning are authority figures, the man, and people who have been clowned upon and couldn't take the joke. The latter individuals are most often square wheels. Clowning is halted in many ways. One way is by reporting clowning facebook groups which then results in a deletion of that group. Clowning is also stopped when the clown or clowns get caught in the act by authority figures and have to discontinue their clowning. Clowning can also be stopped inside fraternities. When one fraternity member threatens to press charges against other fraternity members due to their clowning actions, the clowning actions cease. Despite the acts to end clowning, it is not going away anytime soon. It has been estimated that joe schmoe clowning will continue to last for at least another 100 years or so.