Keith (name)

Keith Olbermann, liable to send a shiver down your spine.

“"AAH!"”

~ Oscar Wilde on Keith

Keith (pronounced keeth, /'ki:θ/) is a downright scary given name, generally being given to people whom also bear the title of "Badass". It is one of the most universally feared names in the English language, and is notorious for its association with people on the payroll of UFC. It is a common urban legend that by simply walking into some rooms and shouting the name, you will set off a loud chorus of screaming, although no-one knows that this happens, or that they do it.

History

Keith is taken from the Scottish surname, meaning "wood, forest", and that in itself makes it scary, as anything can happen to you in a forest, but it also has some older origins, even then considering it scary, as shown by ancient Egyptian portraits showing a half-man, half-goat (Akin to Satan), with the inscription ±ą×ײẄửﻕ (Behold Keithus; Evil), dating back to 100 BC. In recent times, the name Keith has been portrayed as a "Nerdy" name of sorts, but those suggesting so sadly perished in the Great Keith Riot of 1996. Many conspiracy theorists, such as David Icke, have suggested that Cheggers himself was involved in the infamous attack, in which many homes and vehicles of Anti-Keithists/Neilists (protest against the similarly scary name, Neil) were destroyed.

The Chosen Ones, those bearing the name

Keith may refer to;

• Chuck Norris

• Keith Neil "God" Goddwin

• Keith Chegwin

• Keith Olbermann, American broadcaster who hosts Countdown

There are not many notable people with the name, as it is an extremely rare name due to the sheer power of it's meaning. The few that bear the name tend to hold a certain amount of power over their chosen industry, with Keith Olbermann being USA's answer to Richard Whitely, the King of Countdown, God, or Keith Neil Godwinn to use his full name, being the creator of the universe, and Keith Chegwin being a behemoth of comedy. Further, my dad's name is Keith and he possesses a certain amount of power over his chosen industry.

Peons not worthy of the name

Keith may NOT refer to;

• You

• Chris Crocker

• Tay Zonday

Instructions

Keith Chegwin, one of many reasons why this name is feared.

If you know a man bearing "The Name", stay on his good side. Contact the authorities (They won't care, but that sounded appropriate). If you hear the name in public, try to contain the fear, as it will make you seem like a wimp.

See also

• Neil, Even scarier; the only name to strike fear into the hearts of Men, Women, Children, Aardvarks and Giraffes.
• Scary