Jujutsu Kaisen

Artwork for the show with all the less important characters removed.

“Satoru Gojo is my favourite character from Attack on Titan.”

~ Oscar Wilde

Jujutsu Kaisen, also known as Gojo's Bizarre Adventure is a Japanese animated series about a group of high schoolers whose irresponsible teachers put them in various dangerous situations to get them killed. The show was based on a manga of the same name written and illustrated by Masashi Kishimoto. Jujutsu Kaisen was first released in 2020, and the anime film prequel, Jujutsu Kaisen 0, released five years later on December 24th 2021. This has caused many critics to cite Jujutsu Kaisen 0 as the greatest Christmas movie ever made.

Plot

We begin with a fifteen year old high school boy with no parents by the name of Yuji Itadori. Yuji is a member of the delusional weirdos club, doing research into cursed objects. Just when you thought Yuji couldn't be more of a shounen protagonist, his grandfather fucking dies. A local sorcerer by the name of Megumin Fushiguro informs Yuji of a cursed finger, belonging to Sukuna the most evil sorcerer in the world. Yuji eats the finger for dinner. However, within the Jujutsu world eating Sukuna's fingers is a crime punishable by death. Fortunately, a teacher at Megumin's school Satoru Gojo decides it would be funny if Yuji actually found and ate all of Sukuna's fingers and also attended the school. Yuji then watches movies for 114 episodes straight. He enjoys hit classics such as:

• Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

After that, Yuji returns to his friends in class and they then have an event which the principal of a school in Kyoto orders his students to kill Yuji as punishment for eating Sukuna's finger. Is that ethical? I'm glad you asked. After that, the school gets attacked. (It wouldn't be a school shounen without the villains attacking the school every season!) Gojo does some cool stuff and then the kids go under a bridge to kill some curses and stuff. The end.

Characters

Satoru Gojo

Gojo's eyes are a little more ambitious than the rest of the visuals.

Despite not being the main character, Gojo comes first in this list because everyone who has ever watched the show has him as their favourite character. Anyway, Gojo is a laid back teacher with Saitama levels of overpowered abilities. Gojo constantly hides his eyes because they are very pretty and the animation budget couldn't cover them being in frame for more than 2 seconds an episode.

Yuji Itadori

Yuji is a fifteen year old boy with an ancient sorcerer by the name of Sukuna inside him. Uh, that sounds a bit weird now I'm thinking about it. Yuji is the best at sports in the world but refuses to join the track team. This makes sense because track and field sports absolutely suck. Yuji's goal in the series is to find and consume all 20 of Sukuna's fingers because he has a hand fetish, Yoshikage Kira's ideal job. He is still grandfatherless and fatherless and motherless.

Megumin Fushiguro

Fushiguro is the cool character with a sad backstory (wait that's all of them). Fushiguro's power involves him summoning various animals such as a buff wolf man with a bulgie wulgie uwu.

Nobara Kugisaki

A girl who hates being from the Tohoku countryside, Kugisaki's dream is to move to the city and participate in mindless consumerism while she lives in a 1m x 1m room with a rent of 2 billion yen a second. Her powers involve hitting things with a hammer, throwing nails and looking badass.

Toge Inumaki

Tuna.

Aoi Todo

Originally an enemy, Todo befriends Yuji after Yuji reveals that he likes Jennifer Lawrence sexually. I'm not even making this up that actually happens in the show.

Maki Zen’in

The coolest girl in the show, she hopes to one day become the best race car driver in the world. This is only ever hinted at towards the audience in the episode, “My name is Maki Zen’in and I want to become a race car driver”. She always wears glasses, because she has bad vision. LOL!

Yuta Okkotsu

The only good character. 

Nanami Kento

A man with a love for sandwiches and working an office job, this jujutsu sorcerer has a great deal of power. His powers include Tie-Wrapped-Around-Hand, Spotty Sword, and Overtime, because he just loves to work so much!

Miwa Kasumi

The strongest sorcerer of them all. She has blue hair AND a sword! She’s sooooo cute!!!!

Jogo

Mike Wazowski with a bad temper.

Hanami

A tree born from Nanami Kento’s wiener. Kento raised the baby tree, and named him with a similar name to his, so he wouldn’t accidentally forget it. He becomes evil because he saw Jogo and remembered he loved watching Monsters Inc. as a child. Also Gojo kills him. SPOILERS!!!

Suguru Geto

Gojo’s ex-BFF, this man has powerful powers. He can summon cool monsters and like, do cool moves. Gojo decides to kill him because he didn’t invite him to his birthday party. :(

Spike Spiegel

A character from a different show. Oops

Mahito

A fucking piece of shit I HATE YOU MAHITO DIE DIE DIE!!!! - Yuji

Ryomen Sukuna

The big daddy of the series, this man has 20 fingers and 16 penises spread around the world. Once Gojo sucks ‘em all, he can becomes just as strong as Mr. Sukuna himself. Unfortunately, Gojo only ever made it to 14. Sukuna can fucking do literally everything he wants so he’s just gonna be a permanent villain, so prepare for that.

Running On Empty Food Review Adaptation

Popular Fortnite Streamer TheReportOfTheWeek made a review of deep fried Sukuna's finger in 1799. He commented that it was a bit dry.

The Shibuya Incident

The death and suicide of Satoru Gojo. The coolest guy who is now dead. Forever, probably.

Here's where the series gets interesting for the first time (and, the only time). In this arc, Gojo is pressured into fighting a bunch of monkeys at the zoo in order to save Yuji. You see, these monkeys have captured Yuji to eat his fingers, just like he ate Sukuna's like an idiot, in order to gain the powers of Sukuna. The zoo, (called the Shibuya Incident Zoo), is closed unfortunately, so Gojo can't get inside. As a result, he commits suicide by cutting himself in half like a dumbass. While this is going on, heroes such as Maki Zen'in GET BURNED HORRIFICALLY and Kento Nanami FUCKING DIE HE'S DEAD because of Jogo, the guy I mentioned earlier. If you forgot about him that's fine because he dies too. This was during the battle of Urethra Utopia, the place where every cursed spirit comes from. Every important character, like Yuta and maybe others, are trying to stop this utopia from taking over the United States. Why? Who fucking knows.

Meanwhile, Yuji gets eaten by the monkeys because everyone forgot he was captured. The monkeys turn into mini-Sukunas. The spirit of Sukuna is resurrected, and he commands the monkeys to do his bidding.

"Rise, my monkeys! Sukuna, the king of curses, cries. "Stop the sorcerers from defeating Urethra Utopia!" Thus, they all head to Urethra Utopia and fight against the jujutsu sorcerers. While this is happening, Yuta eats a sandwich, which he found next to Nanami's corpse. Somehow, Gojo has returned. He heals himself and remembers he needs to suck Sukuna's last two remaining penises. With his mouth and lips puckered, he zooms off into the night, ready for some intense and nasty fellatio. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, while this is all happening, this brain with teeth is possessing Geto's dead body. It's weird and unimportant. Anyways, the monkeys are trying their hardest to defeat the jujutsu guys, but they aren't strong enough on their own. Sukuna, pissed off at this, gathers them all and turns into a giant monkey Sukuna. Megumi Fushiguro, the guy with spikey hair and animal puppets, is so shocked by this that he has a heart attack. Nobara Kugisaki does not get to see Monkey Sukuna, however, as Mahito is too busy murdering her. That's when a miracle happens, and we enter the next arc of the series.

Norm Peterson

"What's going on here?" A voice exclaims in the distance. Monkey Sukuna looks up and notices the silhouette of someone entering Urethra Utopia. It's him! Norm Peterson from the sitcom Cheers! Woah woah woah, what the fuck Gege Akutami?! I didn't know about this. Anyways, just as Norm enters, so does Satoru Gojo.

The REAL king of curses.

"It's been a long time," Gojo says, a small tear falling from his eyes.

"Yeah, it sure has been," Norm responds with a smile. "You don't need to find and suck the last two penises of Sukuna. I've taken care of that."

Gojo smiles. "You always knew how to one-up me, Norm."

Norm acknowledges this and takes his shirt off.

"Let's do this, Monkey Sukuna".

Monkey Sukuna rages towards Norm, but Norm is too quick! He dodges his first attack, following up with one of his own. A powerful punch to Monkey Sukuna's face, he falls over, crushing several buildings in this.

"MY UTOPIA!" Sukuna cries.

"Go fuck yourself," Norm replies like a badass. He grabs Sukuna by the throat and delivers a flurry of punches to his face. With this, Sukuna is finally defeated. Urethra Utopia is no more. Gojo and Norm lock eyes, and with that, Norm takes his leave.

Everyone is overjoyed. Sukuna is no more. Yuji is also dead, but then he comes back to life.

"What happened?" Yuji says.

"Norm..." Gojo replies. "Norm saved us."

And that's why the cast of Jujutsu Kaisen has erected a statue of Norm Peterson, and they all pray to it every morning for good luck. Unfortunately, things get boring real fast when the brain possessing Geto becomes relevant and tells everyone: 

"It's time for a Culling Game." And then everyone groaned and sighed.

The Culling Game Arc

Actually all filler, just skip chapters 143-220. During this arc around 285 characters are introduced, coming to about 5 characters a chapter. With more convoluted abilities and explanations than Hirohiko Araki could ever dream of, this arc proves to be harder to read than Finnegans Wake. Megumi and Yuji play the teenager sex game "Seven Minutes in Heaven" and Sukuna takes the opportunity to stick Yuji's finger in Megumi's mouth, causing him to switch hosts. Contrary to popular belief this wasn't a strategic move, because even Sukuna has his limits and Yuji has a seriously grotesque and vile mind. If Yuji ever acted out his sick fantasies, Sukuna would not want his name associated with such acts.