Jujutsu Kaisen
“Satoru Gojo is my favourite character from Ohio.”
Jujutsu Kaisen, also known as Gojo's Bizarre Adventure, is a Japanese animated series about a group of high schoolers whose irresponsible teachers put them in various dangerous situations to get them killed. The show was based on a manga of the same name written and illustrated by Masashi Kishimoto. Jujutsu Kaisen was first released in 2020; and the anime film prequel, Jujutsu Kaisen 0, five years later on December 24, 2021. This has caused many critics to cite Jujutsu Kaisen 0 as the greatest Christmas movie ever made.
Plot[edit | edit source]
We begin with a fifteen-year-old high school boy with no parents by the name of Yuji Itadori. Yuji is a member of a delusional weirdoes club, doing research into cursed objects. Just when you thought Yuji couldn't be more of a shounen protagonist, his grandfather fucking dies. A local sorcerer by the name of Megumin Fushiguro informs Yuji of a cursed finger belonging to Sukuna, the evilest sorcerer in the world. Yuji eats the finger for dinner. (Within the Jujutsu world, eating fingers is a crime punishable by death.) Fortunately a teacher at Megumin's school, Satoru Gojo, decides it would be funny if Yuji actually found and ate all of Sukuna's fingers and also attended the school. Yuji then watches movies for 114 episodes straight. He enjoys hit classics such as Star Wars Holiday Special (1978).
Yuji returns to his friends in class. The principal orders the students to kill Yuji as punishment for the fingers. Is that ethical? I'm glad you asked. After that, the school gets attacked. (It wouldn't be a school for shounen unless villains attacked it every season!) Gojo does some cool stuff, and then the kids go under a bridge to kill some curses and stuff. The end.
Characters[edit | edit source]
Satoru Gojo[edit | edit source]
Despite not being the main character, Gojo comes first in this list because everyone who has ever watched the show likes him as their favourite character. Anyway, Gojo is a laid-back teacher with Saitama-level abilities. Gojo constantly hides his eyes because they are very pretty and the animation budget couldn't cover their being in frame for more than two seconds per episode.
Yuji Itadori[edit | edit source]
Yuji is a fifteen-year-old boy with an ancient sorcerer by the name of Sukuna inside him. Uh, that sounds a bit weird now I'm thinking about it. Yuji is the best at sports but refuses to join the track team. This makes sense because track and field sports absolutely suck. Yuji's goal in the series is to find and consume all twenty of Sukuna's fingers because he has a hand fetish, Yoshikage Kira's ideal job. He is still grandfatherless and fatherless and motherless.
Megumin Fushiguro[edit | edit source]
Fushiguro is the cool character with a sad backstory and the power to summon various animals such as a buff wolf man with a bulgie wulgie uwu.
Nobara Kugisaki[edit | edit source]
A girl who hates being from the Tohoku countryside, Kugisaki's dream is to move to the city and participate in mindless consumerism while living in a tiny room. Her powers involve hitting things with a hammer, throwing nails and looking badass.
Toge Inumaki[edit | edit source]
Tuna.
Aoi Todo[edit | edit source]
Originally an enemy, Todo befriends Yuji after Yuji reveals that he likes Jennifer Lawrence sexually.
Maki Zen’in[edit | edit source]
The coolest girl in the show, she hopes to one day become the best race car driver in the world. This is only ever hinted at towards the audience in the episode, "My Name is Maki Zen’in".
Yuta Okkotsu[edit | edit source]
The only good character. 
Nanami Kento[edit | edit source]
A man with a love for sandwiches and working an office job, this jujutsu sorcerer has a great deal of power. His powers include Tie-Wrapped-Around-Hand, Spotty Sword, and Overtime.
Miwa Kasumi[edit | edit source]
The strongest sorcerer of them all. She has blue hair and a sword! (She's sooooo cute!!!!)
Jogo[edit | edit source]
Mike Wazowski with a bad temper.
Hanami[edit | edit source]
A tree born from Nanami Kento's wiener. Kento raised the baby tree, and named him with a similar name to his own so he wouldn’t accidentally forget it. Hanami becomes evil because he saw Jogo and remembered that he loved watching Monsters Inc. as a child.
Suguru Geto[edit | edit source]
Gojo's ex-boyfriend, this man has powerful powers. He can summon cool monsters and, like, do cool moves. Gojo decides to kill him because he didn't invite him to his birthday party.
Spike Spiegel[edit | edit source]
A character from a different show. Oops.
Mahito[edit | edit source]
A fucking piece of shit.
Ryomen Sukuna[edit | edit source]
The big daddy of the series, this man has twenty fingers and sixteen penises spread around the world. Once Gojo sucks them all, he becomes just as strong as Mr. Sukuna himself. Unfortunately, Gojo only ever made it to age 14. Sukuna can fucking do literally everything he wants so he's just a permanent villain.
Running On Empty Food Review adaptation[edit | edit source]
Popular Fortnite Streamer TheReportOfTheWeek reviewed deep-fried Sukuna's finger in 1799. He commented that it was a bit dry.
The Shibuya incident[edit | edit source]
Here's where the series gets interesting for the first (and only) time: Gojo is pressured into fighting a bunch of monkeys at the Shibuya Incident Zoo in order to save Yuji. You see, these monkeys have captured Yuji to eat his fingers, just like he ate Sukuna's like an idiot, in order to gain the powers of Sukuna. The zoo is closed, so Gojo can't get inside. He commits suicide by cutting himself in half like a dumbass. While this is going on, heroes such as Maki Zen’in GET BURNED HORRIFICALLY and Kento Nanami FUCKING DIES because of Jogo, the guy I mentioned earlier. If you forgot about him that's fine because he dies too. This was during the battle of Urethra Utopia, the place where every cursed spirit comes from. Every important character, like Yuta and maybe others, are trying to stop this utopia from taking over the United States. Why? Who fucking knows.
Meanwhile, Yuji gets eaten by the monkeys because everyone forgot he was captured. The monkeys turn into mini-Sukunas. The spirit of Sukuna is resurrected, and he commands the monkeys to do his bidding.
"Rise, my monkeys!" Sukuna, the king of curses, cries. "Stop the sorcerers from defeating Urethra Utopia!" They all head to Urethra Utopia and fight against the jujutsu sorcerers. While this is happening, Yuta eats a sandwich, which he found next to Nanami's corpse. Somehow Gojo has returned. He heals himself, then remembers he needs to suck Sukuna's two remaining penises. With his mouth and lips puckered he zooms off into the night, ready for some intense and nasty fellatio. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that, while this is happening, this brain with teeth is possessing Geto's dead body. It's weird and unimportant. Anyways, the monkeys are trying their hardest to defeat the jujutsu guys, but they aren't strong enough on their own. Sukuna, pissed off at this, gathers them all and turns into a giant monkey Sukuna. Megumi Fushiguro, the guy with spikey hair and animal puppets, is so shocked by this that he has a heart attack. Nobara Kugisaki does not get to see Monkey Sukuna, however, as Mahito is too busy murdering her. That's when a miracle happens, and we enter the next arc of the series.
Norm Peterson[edit | edit source]
"What's going on here?" a voice exclaims in the distance. Monkey Sukuna looks up and notices the silhouette of someone entering Urethra Utopia. It's him! Norm Peterson from the sitcom Cheers! Woah, what the fuck Gege Akutami?! I didn't know about this. Anyways, just as Norm enters, so does Satoru Gojo.
"It's been a long time," Gojo says, a small tear falling from his eyes.
"Yeah, it sure has," Norm responds with a smile. "You don't need to find and suck Sukuna's last two penises. I've taken care of that."
Gojo smiles. "You always knew how to one-up me, Norm."
Norm acknowledges this and takes his shirt off.
"Let's do this, Monkey Sukuna."
Monkey Sukuna rages towards Norm, but Norm is too quick! He dodges his first attack, following up with one of his own. A powerful punch to Monkey Sukuna's face, he falls over, crushing several buildings in this.
"MY UTOPIA!" Sukuna cries.
"Go fuck yourself," Norm replies like a badass. He grabs Sukuna by the throat and delivers a flurry of punches to his face. With this, Sukuna is finally defeated. Urethra Utopia is no more. Gojo and Norm lock eyes, and with that, Norm takes his leave.
Everyone is overjoyed. Sukuna is no more. Yuji is also dead, but then he comes back to life.
"What happened?" Yuji says.
"Norm ..." Gojo replies. "Norm saved us."
And that's why the cast of Jujutsu Kaisen has erected a statue of Norm Peterson, and they all pray to it every morning for good luck. Unfortunately, things get boring real fast when the brain possessing Geto becomes relevant and tells everyone: 
"It's time for a Culling Game." And then everyone groaned and sighed.
The Culling Game arc[edit | edit source]
Actually all filler; just skip chapters 143–220. During this arc 285 characters are introduced, coming to about five characters per chapter. With more convoluted abilities and explanations than Hirohiko Araki could ever dream of, this arc proves to be harder to read than Finnegans Wake. Megumi and Yuji play the teenager sex game "Seven Minutes in Heaven" and Sukuna takes the opportunity to stick Yuji's finger in Megumi's mouth, causing him to switch hosts. Contrary to popular belief this wasn't a strategic move, because even Sukuna has his limits, and Yuji has a seriously grotesque and vile mind. If Yuji ever acted out his sick fantasies, Sukuna would not want his name associated with such acts.