John Bunnell

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Sheriff John Bunnell on Worlds's Scariest Police Chases (Interocitor edition)


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about John Bunnell.

Sheriff John Bunnell was born Jai-El on an alien planet named Metaluna — and was rocketed to Earth as an infant by his scientist father moments before the planet's destruction. The rocket landed on Earth, near Pendleton in Oregon USA, where he was found by passing motorists who adopted him and gave him the name Sheriff John Bunnell. As the Sheriff reached maturity, he learnt he had superhuman abilities including (but not limited to) a seeming inexhaustible talent for the invention and use of crime-based puns and clichés. He resolved to use his gifts to help others, fighting anything from petty crime to universal threats.

He joined the Multnomah County Sheriff's Office in Oregon. His silvered mane and gleaming teeth ensured that he quickly became their star driver. Using parts of his spaceship he created a super car capable of running down even the most determined felon. Then, twenty-five years later he was awarded the post of Sheriff for just 3 months.

After 25 years of dedicated police service he decided to pursue a career on television. After a brief stint as a fashion editor he went solo and became the face of World's Scariest Police Chases. Here his punning powers came to the front and propelled him to international super-stardom.

The Cruiser[edit]

Sheriff John Bunnell's modified police car/spaceship hybrid, nicknamed "The Cruiser" is more than capable of chasing down even the most determined felon. It's twin fusion carbide turbine engines are capable of ripping a hole in the universe big enough to swallow the sun. The car itself is sentient and capable of time travel.

Famous Quotes[edit]

  • This crook just bought a one-way ticket to the state penitentiary.
  • And he's running on rims!
  • If you're drinking, a designated driver is a good thing. However, if they drink, it isn't.
  • These booze filled bandits have been pulled over after being drinking under the influence
  • You just can't outfly the law
  • Looks like the next time this Santa Clause will be driving under the influence is behind bars.
  • These malicious miscreants are just pawns in their deadly playground little do they know sergeant Reagan is hot on their tail
  • He comes hard from behind
  • Rusty Fucknut has just robbed a hotdog stand but in the end i hope he likes prison food
  • Pass the soap
  • Now he'll be shoving razorblades up children's asses behind bars
  • He won't be able to drive dangerously any more in jail.
  • You little son of a bitch, I asked for PLAIN donuts. I guess you'll be serving them to the jail.
  • Yo mama's in jail!
  • "My latest takedown - one of the largest in history - is right here: [] - Leigh can run, but he can't hide."
  • Yannick believed he could outrun the federal agents, the only place Yannick will be running is in the exercise yard at the state penitentiary.
  • This lone star loser smoked crack, and then got poked up his crack- IN JAIL!