Jack Harlow
Jack Harlow (born March 13, 1998) is white. He also makes rap music. He makes so much rap music that in 2020, Forbes called him the "World's Most Rapper." He is well known on the internet for, as previously mentioned, making immense amounts of rap music, and also having women thirst over him 24/7 for no reason. He has dated the likes of Selena Gomez, Kylie Jenner, Cardi B, Meek Mill, Kim Kardashian, Roddy Ricch, Dua Lipa and Patrick Star.
Jack Harlow was born in Holly Hills, California, and lived a loaded amazing life but ran away to go into the hood because he saw how cool it was on TV. He thought that instead of leading a big company like JPMorgan, Luxottica, or Paramount Pictures, he'd get rekt up in all tha hood stuff as a white guy. He ended up wasting his parents money to completely buy out the entire Billboard Hot 100.
Early career[edit | edit source]
Jack Harlow has been rapping since he was six years old. It wasn't very good, but he still did it. His teachers called him a "distraction" and a "nuisance" because, during class, he would frequently hold "concerts" by standing on the table and freestyling incoherently about the day's homework.
In February 2005 Harlow signed a deal with Interscope Records for $6 million. They were able to get in contact with the young rapper because one of the higher-ups at Interscope was also in attendance at Harlow's elementary school, and had heard about his marvelous raps. Later that year, in October, Harlow released his debut studio album at just seven years old, titled I Love Hot Wheels. He chose to title the album this way because he spent half of his time in the studio playing with Hot Wheels cars instead of actually rapping. The album was an instant hit, staying at #1 on the Billboard 200 for seven weeks.
Modern career[edit | edit source]
After I Love Hot Wheels Harlow did not release any more music until August 2019, when he released 28 albums simultaneously. He tweeted "album every week" shortly afterward and has stuck to it ever since.
Every single one of these albums was a massive success, debuting at #1 every single week. When asked how he accomplished this incredible ability to release so much fucking music by GQ in an interview, he stated that he was "just that good" and "never left the studio". This was proven to be true, as the interview was conducted in Harlow's studio, and he was very reluctant to stop recording music to answer questions. The interview can be found on GQ's channel, spanning 50 minutes, 45 of which are Harlow just ignoring the interviewer and recording more music.
Monopoly controversy[edit | edit source]
Harlow has been under fire ever since his promise to release an album every week because since then, the entire Hot 100 has consisted exclusively of Jack Harlow songs. He refuses to feature any other artists because it would "ruin the fucking song". Rappers such as Drake have commented that it "isn't fair how this fucking white boy gets to make literally all of the money" on Twitter. Harlow quoted this tweet with a middle finger emoji, followed by "I do what I want."
Numerous musicians have spoken out against Harlow's Orwellian control of the music industry, telling Billboard to ban him from the charts. The magazine addressed this backlash by releasing a PR statement simply stating "Lalalala I can't hear you."
Discography[edit | edit source]
- That's What They Say (2021)
- Karen Got The Kids (2022)
- I Claim To Make My Best Album of My Career (2023)