I wrote this article while drunk
“I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.”
Dear ladies and gentlemen, I am going to try to attempt something that thus far in the realm of uncyclopedia has never been tried before. I am going to try to write a decent uncyclopedia article while drunk. You should know that I won't start the article drunk. Rather, I plan to write the article section by section as I get progressively more drunk. Think of it like a science experiment! Here we go! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!
Stage 1, Sober[edit | edit source]
Like any good old experiment, this is the control. I am going to write in a normal style about my surroundings. I'm in a room. There's a computer, nothing is really happening. Okay, shit this is boring. Let's drink already!
Stage 2, Slightly Intoxicated[edit | edit source]
Wowzers, this straight rum really hits you in the gullet, know what I mean? I mean, Duh-AMN! [1]
Anybody know any funny jokes? Oh wait, that's right. This is an article. It's not like there's anybody who can answer me or anything, or is there?
...
...
Nope. There isn't. Hey guys, why is the rum gone? Get it? Get it? GET IT? Oh you do? Okay then.
Jesus, that cat is totally tearing into that chick's nose, amiright? Man, if I was that cat, I'd totally be like: "MROW, MEowr, hisssssssssss. Bitch." Just sayin'.
Hey, I just thought of an article idea. Somebody write this shit down. It's called "under the influence of the emperor, don't drink and ...um use the force." The title needs work. That article idea was utter shit!
Stage 3, Between Slightly and Moderately intoxicated[edit | edit source]
Hey guys, I got arrested the other day. Want to see my mug shot?
Just kidding. I'ma just messing with ya. Did you know that I start to talk [2] like Mario when I drink? I know thisa becausea I'ma drinking right nowa. And for the record, that's mario the video game plumber, not that DiMario guy.
I got the giggles.
tee hee hee.
Giggles passed.
No wait.
tee hee, tee...tee hee.
It's like I'm back in Cheerleading having sex with girls who giggle all over again.
When I see beuoowbs, I think "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit", maaaaaaaaaan. Just thought I'd let you all know that.
Stage 4, Officially Drunk.[edit | edit source]
I just saw Rick Astley mashuped with Nirvana. Fucking cool right? Think I'll start quoting here:
We're no strangers to love, you konw the rules, and so do I, fucking epic. right? Yeah, right.
Stage 5, Feel free to stop anytime.[edit | edit source]
Hawt damn, ahwt damn, this here's a fine time to sing an opera song. What the fuck am I talking about? What the fuck am I talking about? How about what the fuck are you talking about? Hunh? Hunh? Ever swallow a ping pong ball whole? No? No! Well, I haven't either!@@!!!1! If you knew the first thing about a beligerent dreunk, you'd know that spelling errars or the natureal norm, so sTFu@ Hav U evar Aet a kittttty beefor? NU? Wel FuCkINg tri ite!
Stage 6, I'm trying really had to at least spell the header write[edit | edit source]
um why w-wy asio whyduw why is tjhwy thywid why why is there 3 of this i werjei are de keys
Stanblro 752, I thinkfsldk iorwi lifoiwyg werh kjsfdo LOVE YOU SO MUCH[edit | edit source]
uuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhh wduywbuch sqo tinsda paosd tjtjtj rwkudoaid 4943 dcoA woiw SKDFKJANknjsdf ja FANKS
Ahdlkfapsdkfj'adjsk'fa dfjk;'ajk'fd a gj 'jkgdja;da gd fja dj'jg;dwJ
pENIKS.