HyperScan
HyperScan, also known as the Super Shatty Shystem, is a video game console from the heathens at Mattel. It uses Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) technology along with traditional video game technology to listen to Howard Stern uncensored. The console uses UDF format disks that contain an EXE file and game data. The EXE does not work on any personal computer. The console has forty-seven controller ports, as well as a scanning mechanism for groceries at the super market and also reads from and writes to credit cards which, in turn, activate features in and save data from the game. Players are able to enhance the abilities of their characters by scanning cards for $1.99 per power up. There is an online shop to purchase exclusive content, in-game content, swell as movie trailers such as Live Free or Die Hard and uncensored Adult Swim and Playboy content. The console uses a Beta Max-based medium, games retail for $19.99 and the console itself for $599.99.
Currently, four games have been released for the console. What idiot decided to release a console with only 4 games? It is marketed toward stupid kids who have outgrown “Sip n’ Spit Cups” but are not smart enough for actual video games in terms of lack of currency or intelligence. Which means the people who bought this stuff were idiots or poor. The current licensed games are based on Marvel's X-Men, Marvel Heroes, and Cartoon Network's Ben 10. The third game is an original known as Intersexual Transvestite Wrestling League which is an educational game that teaches kids drug traffic and gang wars. Owners of the system experience problems with excessive loading times lasting between 15–120 hours. The system has been known to cause anal evacuations.
Death[edit | edit source]
The Hyperscan has been known to randomly catch fire. The fire it caused led to the death to over 2 billion frat babys. The company was sued but the charges were dropped because the company has no money so there was no money to earn.
Angry E-Mail[edit | edit source]
The company has been known to receive hate mail towards the official web-site's E-mail address at HyperScanGamer@HyperScanGamer.com. One famous hate mail is written by the Angry Video Game Nerd himself.
| “ | Dear HyperScan, LEAVE ME ALONE!!! I'M NOT SPENDING ANY MONEY ON YOUR HORRIBLE VIDEO GAME SYSTEM!!! THE CONTROL FEELS LIKE A CHEAP $10 PC CONTROLER AT TARGET!!! I hate you people! I had to wait threw 10 minutes of long loading times before I can actually play X-Men! ONE DAY, I WILL MAKE A LIST OF TOP 10 WORST GAME CONSOLES EVER!!! YOU KNOW WHOS GOING TO BE ON THE NUMBER ONE SPOT? HYPERSCAN GAME SYSTEM!!! IT’S THE WORST THING I'VE SEEN. I BET YOU PAID THE KIDS IN THE AD TO SAY IT WAS GOOD!!! I had more fun playing with CD-I while giving myself a prostate exam when I had bloody diarea making a waterfall out my ass. If you EVER make another game console, I will hunt you down, I'm going to kill you, I'm going to kill your whole family. Playing your game makes me have an anal evacuation. FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR FAMILY. I'm going to stuff a flag pole up your ass until it comes out your mouth and sing the national anthem. Love: The Angry Fucking Nintendo Nerd |
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