HowTo:Use swear words to be funny
Sometimes you really want to be funny but you find you really aren't that funny. How can you become funny? It's simple. You add swear words. Swear words make things really fucking funny when they weren't even slightly funny before.
Using Swear Words[edit | edit source]
Swear words can be used as verbs (fuck), nouns (fucker) or adjectives (fucking, although fucking can also be used as a verb if you conjugate in the present participle). The more often you use them, the funnier it gets.
When speaking you can emphasize swear words and make them funnier by stretching them out (fuuucking) or raising the pitch or placing the accent on the swear root (FUCKing). This doesn't work when writing and drawing attention to swear words by italicizing (fucking bitch) or bold face (fucking bitch) actually makes them less funny because it looks like you're deliberately using them (which you are but you want people to think you're being spontaneous).
The following chart illustrates how swear words can make ordinary words and phrases funnier:
| Not funny | Funny | Extremely funny |
| mother | mother fucker | cocksucking mother fucker |
| face | fuck face | cocksucking mother fucking fuck face |
| dip | dip shit | cocksucking mother fucking dip shit |
Funny swear words[edit | edit source]
All kinds of words can be used as funny swear words:
- Body Functions
- Names
- Cocksucker
- Bitch (or Bitchin)
- Ho (not technically a swear word but considered offensive by small minded individuals)
Unfunny swear words[edit | edit source]
- Poop (childish)
- Damn (too mild, a word only a pussy would use to shock)
- Hell (yawn)
- Penis (double yawn)
- Cunt (actually, extremely funny but women will cut your balls off if you use it. (Oh, yes, add "balls" to the list of funny swear words. "Balls" is extremely funny))
How to tell if a word is really a swear word[edit | edit source]
Use spellcheck. Swear words are never in the dictionary. Sometimes you don't even have to spell check because your computer or laptop does it for you. Do you see a word in red (or with a red underline)? That means it's being spelcheckd. If your word isn't in the dictionary it's a safe bet it's a swear word.
Unless you just missspelled it.
Combining swear words[edit | edit source]
Swear words can be extremely funny when combined with other swear words, for example "mother fucking cocksucker shit head." You can also combine swear words with animal names, such as "duck mother fucker" or "fuck duck."
Conclusion[edit | edit source]
With the liberal use of swear words you can transform yourself from a dull, uninteresting writer to a sophisticated urbane wit capable of dropping the funniest mother fucking bon mots around.