HowTo:Shoot Me in the Face

Here, use this!

“I don't want to though.”

– You

Shoot me! Do it! Just fucking pull the trigger! DO IT!

Reason 1: Laziness

Being alive is way too much work! It'd be much, MUCH easier if you would just shoot me in the face! Imagine how much easier your life would be! You wouldn't have to worry about me telling you to shoot me anymore!

Reason 2: Greed

I'll give you five bucks for it! Five dollars, just for you! C'mon, you know you need money. You're absolutely fucking broke! No? Nothing? Well then... SIX DOLLARS! Still no? Goddammit.

Reason 3: This Article is Done

You see, I've already run out of ideas to make this article funny! That's it, my life work, I finished it! Now that I've finished, you'll have no apprehension to shooting me!

Reason 4: This Article Sucks

This article is stupid! It's a stub! It's in ICU! You should shoot me, it's the only way to avenge this flaming shit-pile of an article! It's doesn't even work that well as a HowTo article! Hell, this isn't even a HowTo article, I gave you no instructions on how to do something!

Reason 5: It's Not Illegal

At least, I'm pretty sure there's some country out there where assisted suicide is legal. Switzerland? Hang on, let me Google it...

Yeah, Switzerland. Shit, that's in my search history now. Oh well, it won't matter anyway because you're going to shoot me in the face, right now.

Reason 6: The Cabal

A group known as the Cabal is gonna kill me soon anyway. You'd be saving those assassin people lots of time! They could get on with their lives, or kill their next target! Imagine how convenient that would be for them!

Reason 7: I'd do the same for you

If you tried to get me to kill you, I would do it just like that! No remorse, no sympathy, just murder in cold blood. But I would only do that based on the fact that you would do the same for me! If I can't trust you to kill me, then I'm going to return the favor! Good luck not dying!

This article needs more work. See ICU and below for details.

This page will be re-checked on 17 December 2025, and if not improved will face deletion.

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