HowTo:Not sexually harrass someone

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Try really hard not stick your dick out in front of your colleagues.

Sexual harrassment is a serious issue in the workplace. It's just so hard not to fondle your female colleague's buttocks, isn't it? This guide will help you in survive your working life without a single woman accusing you of sexually harrassing them.

Many men have reported being unable to control themselves when faced with beautiful, hot women. They were forced by their instincts to make unwanted advances and coerce these women into having sex. Clearly, they are the victims in this situation, and these terrible women just want to get attention, manipulate their co-workers, and cause drama (after all, they tempted the man). To prevent yourself from being a victim of forced sexual harrassment of women, you must take these steps:

  • Remind women to wear modest clothing so you can control your sexual instincts.
  • Tell them that they are a slut if they wear clothes which reveal any part of their thighs, bosoms, upper arms or faces. By giving her forewarning that you may have to sexually assault her, you give her adequate time to prepare. If you suddenly cannot control yourself and do sexually assault her, it will not be your fault.
  • If you accidentally sexual assault a woman, deny everything to show that you are completely innocent and the entire affair was not intended.

Remember, you are the victim here, however many abusive women, lawyers and reporters try to convince you otherwise. Abusive women may exploit your trust and report you to the police. They will make themselves seem like the victim and may threaten you with arrest when you sexually assault them. If this happens, do not hesitate to accuse them of manipulating you, being angry, and starting drama. Only by a coordinated effort can we prevent abuse towards forced sexual harassers.

Greeting others[edit | edit source]

“Hello, Becky. Such nice weather we've had.”

~ Other than sounding unbearably British, this man has not sexually harrassed his female colleague.

“Hello, Becky. I really like your tits.”

~ This man, commenting on his colleague's pets of species Parus Major, is not sexually harrassing her.

“Hello, Becky. You look hot. Should I switch on the fan?”

~ This man is being considerate by taking adequate efforts to prevent heat exhaustion in the workplace.

“Hello, Becky. I want to fondle your buttocks while I masturbate.”

~ This is completely unacceptable. Men who need naked women besides them while they masturbate are weaklings.

Asking for things[edit | edit source]

“Janine, can you hold my rod?”

~ It is totally fine to ask other people to hold your fishing implements.

“Janine, can I stroke your pussy?”

~ Asking to stroke a colleague's feline companion is fine as long you are not allergic to pet hairs.