HowTo:Live in your own filth

“In Soviet Russia, your own filth lives in YOUR ASS WHOLE.. EWWWW!!!”

~ Soviet Russia on living in your own filth

Introduction

Anyone sick and tired of cleaning? Can't be stuffed taking out the trash? Hate people who are really clean and annoy you because they are really annoying and always ask you to help you clean up with them? Well this is the site for you!

So if you want to learn how to live in your own filth, you've come to the right place. By following these simple steps you can become the ultimate pig wallowing in mud. See: Porky Pig

The Basics

First of all you have to have a strong connection with your filth. Both of you must be the one person so that you can live together. It's a little like marriage: You must put up with each other for a long time and make decisions every day. Some of the hobo's on the street have a very very strong connection with their own filth - learn from them and you will know how to succeed!

What you need

First, you have to meet some requirements. These ones include:

Not showering or taking a bath for at least two weeks

In fact if you want to live in your own filth you want to completely stop putting any kind of liquid on your body, especially Holy Water! The legend says it can clean almost every form of filth in universe. It is very important smell bad so that people get the right idea of what your trying to do.

Stop using garbage cans

If you want to add some extra taste to your odor, you want to leave the garbage can in the middle of your room and perhaps use it as a sacrificial altar for getting rid of things good and clean. In fact, you should ONLY throw CLEAN things in the garbage can, so they can become dirty and smelly too.

Stop using toilet

Some amateurs like to bring the toilet into their own room to prevent walking too much, but you don't want that. You want to be better. So stop thinking about even using your toilet. Whatever you want to do, do it in your bed. You don't have to get up.

Create waste

Buy lots and lots of food and dump it in your house. Eat your food slowly regardless of how stale and rotten it gets. If you are low on money - got to the trash dump and add it to your house.

Eat chips

For some unknown reason eating chips causes more filth than any other food. Advice: after eating the whole bag of chips, drop the plastic bag on the floor, don't wash your hands and leave those crumbs in your bed. It will be nicer to sleep in it. For those of you in Britain, use crisps instead.

Listen to Cradle Of Filth

I mean, could you really live in your own filth without listening to this ultimate garbage? Also, one good way to live in filth is to somehow lure Dani Filth, the magical creature, into your room. You can do that by drawing a pentagram on your floor and wearing make-up. The creature is attracted by that kind of thing. Once you get him in your room, you want to somehow prevent his escape, possibly by giving him a knife or an axe to have fun with. When it gains your trust it will create such a mess in your room that even your mom can't clean up.

Put some more pig in room

These things usually create filth. And they are useful if someone has to go to the grocery store to buy some more chips. You didn't really think about leaving your room, did you??

List of people (creatures) who live in their own filth

1. Dani Filth 2. Creepy guy who lives across the street 3. Gollum 4. Harry Potter 5. Yoda

See Also

• Dani filth