User:Serq fet/HowTo:Live in a Horror Movie
Oh no! You've watched so many cheesy slasher films that you've become one! Didn't your mom tell you that modern films are bad for you? But that's beside the point! You're probably trying to figure out what to do before the slasher opens the do- OH NO!
You[edit | edit source]
Well, before we let that big nasty slasher get you, let's figure out your new identity. You are now a pretty, blond, young looking, 14 year old girl. You aren't a smart one, but you probably were before.
You have a boyfriend with you, obviously. He is 16, strong, hot, smart, the star of his football team. In fact, you are probably making out with him right now. You will have sex scenes every 20 minutes or so, with severely bad timing. But that's ok. You can't get in trouble with your parents, since they died in the opening credits.
Your Location[edit | edit source]
You are currently in the middle of nowhere. Depending on what kind of movie you prefer, you are either in the mountains, a forest, snow, a desert, a ghost town, a futuristic space colony, the abandoned town under the local dam, the sewer, swamp, jungle, island, the Bermuda Triangle, a haunted castle, or any other random location you want.
You are currently in a random vehicle, the type depending on your environment. I'm going to guess that it is either a van or RV. Whoa! You're in one?! If you have friends, they are in the vehicle with you. In fact, they are probably driving while you push the PG-13 rating as far as you can in the back of it. In fact, two minutes after you finish, you will see a gas station. Go inside of it. Don't be alarmed by the toothless, crazy old man that runs it. He may have a shotgun or Katana laying on his counter, but that's just a prop. Ask him for directions. After all, you can't find this station on a map.
In fact, follow his directions word for word. Drive 5 miles to the 'Old Indian Ranch Sign,' and take a left, then a right 1.72 miles afterwards. Drive carefully. You need to keep your car intact so it can be destroyed later.
Agh! What was that?![edit | edit source]
Your vehicle has stopped. Why? Well, take a look. It was either a spike strip, rock, knife, the skull of a previous movie, or bullet from the sharp-shooting slasher. In fact, have everyone get out, and panic, and scream a little. A piercing scream. Make everyone cover their ears.