Head ripping off

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Head ripping off is the practice of removing a person's or thing's head via means of ripping it off.

History

United States president, James Garfield after being head ripping offed by an assassin.

The history of head ripping off is well documented with one recorded incident prior to the second (known) recorded incident.

Former United States president James Garfield was the first person to be assassinated by head ripping off. His assassin, Bill Clinton, snuck into Garfield's room as he was asleep at 12:30 AM September 19, 1881. His head was ripped off and he died instantly. Garfield's head was then taken to a Drug Addict^TM Doctor, who takes drugs in front of you and then proceeds to act like a dick. The head died shortly after. Clinton was charged with 1st degree Ripping the President's head off and sent to America, where he would eventually be impeached.

Modern Uses

In modern times, head ripping off is a popular recreational activity with children. Children often will swap the heads of their classmates as a form of torture or to establish their dominance in the school's social hierarchy. Head ripping off is the usual practice of removing the heads of other students, but other methods such as decapitation or head transplanting are also occasionally used.

In recent years, head ripping off has become a popular sports event (wait no, I mean execution method)

Head ripping off had also became a more popular form of execution. This trend began in 2014 when Ohio was faced with major criticism for their new policy which mandated the use of diseases such as rabies and Ebola in lethal injection style executions. Many people claimed that it was unfair to the viruses for them to be forcefully injected into the bodies of humans against their will.

In response, the government of Ohio developed a machine that rips the head off of death row inmates, and is designed to be as humane as possible. It emits soothing white noise and prisoners are placed in a cushioned seat, before the machine's metallic talons dig into their neck and painlessly wrench their heads off. The claw is coated with topical anesthetic to reduce any pain the machine may cause.

In Popular Culture

During the filming of season 2 episode 29 of SpongeBill RectangleShirt, Dirty (a chipmunk) rips off Rat-Rick's stupid cone shaped head. The incident led to the cancellation of the show and left Rat-Rick suffering from further reduced brain function.