Haute couture

Haute couture (Spanish for 'half-assed sewing') is a common term for trendy fashion worn in mobile home parks throughout the United States. Originating in Tucson, Arizona, Haute couture has been sampled shamelessly in fashion hot spots around the world like:

• Paducah, Kentuckistan
• Kabul, Afghanistan
• Warsaw, Poland
• Alexandria, Virginia

Traditionally, Haute couture was only used to refer to fashion worn by pampered psychotic pop stars, rich and greedy divorcees and over-sexed pseudo-talent show judges, like Britney Spears, Ivana Trump and Paula Abdul. It is believed that haute is a corruption of the word hawt as spoken by Paris Hilton. More recently, the term means any embarrassing combination of clothing worn by parents or grandparents when they retrieve their teenage children or grandchildren at school. Haute couture can be recognized by the screaming accusation of a 15-year-old high school student, as in "I can't believe you picked me up at school wearing that!"

Variations on the Theme

• Tucson Casual is another way of saying Haute couture.

Fashion Show

A crowd of nationally known celebrities and fashionistas attended the Last Annual Haute Couture Fashion Show, held in Tucson, Arizona this past spring. Cutting-edge designers debuted their one-of-a-kind looks.

• The Nutty Professor: Baggy Bermuda shorts held up by clashing suspenders—don't forget the high-riding waist—accessorized with white knee-high socks and sandals. It's a fusion of outdated fashion and personal flair that only octogenarians can manage.
• Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer: Two-piece polyester pantsuit in any washed-out pastel color. The faux pocket look, by way of multiple flaps, emphasizes a certain non-functional sensibility. Designed as one piece, the jacket/blouse combo transforms that dated layered look into a look of desperation, particularly during the summer months.
• Retail Store Owner: Ugly Hawaiian shirts, pulled over a pot belly...what more is there to say?