Hamtaro
| Hamtaro | |
|---|---|
| Scientific classification | |
| Kingdom | Japan |
| Phylum | Cute |
| Class | Grim Reaper |
| Order | Fries and a shake |
| Family | Asia |
| Genus | HAHA HE SAID GENIS |
| Species | Hamster |
| Binomial name | |
| Healthazard hamtaris | |
| Specifications | |
| Primary armament | Teeth |
| Secondary armament | Photon torpedoes |
| Power supply | 1 zero point module |
| Strength | capable of benching nearly 1100 pounds unassisted |
| Intelligence | I.Q. is 191 |
| Weight | π kg |
| Length | √2 in. |
| Special attack | Ebola Sneeze (PSN damage increases by x1.5 every turn) |
| Conservation status | |
| Fucking Kill™ on sight | |
Hamtaro is a Belgian/Italian/Nazi/terrorist dish best served deep-fried with yogurt, pineapple, butter and hamster, though mad-cow infected pork is often used in vegetarian variants. It is widely accepted to be the healthiest food ever invented, save for the North American delicacy known as lard. The first man to cook Hamtaro was a psychopathic artist from Greenland; his mental instability likely stemming from the lead paints he often handled with his tongue.
History of Hamtaro[edit | edit source]
Hamtaro was a hamster who liked to sneeze on people. He spread SARS and Ebola by urinating on his best friend, Osama Bin Laden, who also peed on more an more people until Ebola was synonymous with Hamtaro. Also Hamtaro likes to rape innocent victims, most notably artists from Greenland.
Ingredients[edit | edit source]
Hamtaro is made with various ingredients, most of which can be found in dog feces and/or Wal-Mart. After finding all the ingredients, you should have:
- 1 Hamster
- 9 cups of Heinz ketchup flavored yogurt
- 2 cups of pineapple
- 200 pounds of solid butter
- 1 cow, preferably happy
- 17.55 liters of fermented goat milk
- Note: for optimal results, the milk should be over five years past its expiration date. You can test for this by checking if the milk is no longer recognizable as a dairy product. This indicates a well-aged milk and should be used immediately.
- Zit zapper
- Shredded government tax forms/expired prescription drugs
- 12 ounces of salt and/or cocaine
- 1 piece of hair off of David Lee Roth
- 2 L of LSD
Recipe[edit | edit source]
- Find one Hamster. You should be able to get one for roughly 2 dollars to 9200 dollars from that guy who smells like pee that also deals cocaine next door. You can buy canned hamsters in any Costcoor Coffs Harbour.
- Deep fry the Hamster for 3 hours. Marinate it with fermented goat milk and use the zit zapper to crust the outside coating.#Encase in 200 pound block of butter by any means necessary. Serve to one person. WATCH THE POUNDS DISAPPEAR!
Where to Find Hamtaro[edit | edit source]
Any Italian or Arab restaurant will happily serve you Hamtaro. Watch out for Iceland Hamtaro. There they will serve you Hamtaro testicles, which have been known to cause weight gain and mad Hamster disease, amongst other gastrointestinal "nuisances."
Show Cancellation[edit | edit source]
You might think his show might have been cancelled because nobody liked it. On the contrary. Recent research on Uncyclopedia has revealed a mysterious door that upon entering turns hamsters into cats and vice versa.