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Gars like to lay around in the sun with their friends, the turtles. These aren't gars, by the way. If you met a gar you'd wish these were gars.

Gar are a species of amphibian dragons or alligators commonly mistaken for fish in the Southern Regions of the United States, and a few other places that aren't very important. Their name, although only one syllable long, is impossible to understand by the natives without elaboration. As is the dragon itself.


Gar lengths vary, but the largest verified gar was measured as, "effin' huge". A close second measured at "holy crap". Unfortunately, the largest unvarified gar caught was not varified, due to the sudden and expected demise of the catcher.

  • Some Gars are colored brown. Um... Yeah. Brown.
  • Gars have very sharp teeth that everyone are afraid of. I'm talking everyone. In fact, people prefer not to catch them, except that they look too cool. So people catch them, and in retrospect think about how stupid it was to catch them in the first place. A gar's teeth are sharp enough to cut through time and space and create wormholes.
  • Gars have a prehistoric look to them. This means that they can look back in time to see the beginning of existence. Unfortunately, they only speak in the water, and that only sounds like bubbles. So no one knows what they're really saying, leaving mystery in the world.
  • Gars are one of the unlisted things that can pwn Grues. But they want to eat you too. You just can't get away.


Gar belong to the family "Atractosteus". This was intended as a joke by the scientists, but kinda stuck. Despite common misconception, Gars are not fish, but honest-to-goodness monsters. This is proven because fish don't look as frightening as gars, and monsters are pretty frightening. Logic.

Breeding habits[edit]


For the uncouth among us who choose lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Gar.

A Gar's breeding habits are very personal, and they would rather not disclose that information to the general public.