Express "Taylor Swift"

Vážení cestující! Omlouváme se za zpoždění vlaku. Mezistátní expres č.189, dopravce ČESKÉ DRÁHY ze stanice: Brno hlavní nádraží, s příjezdem v 16:07, který dále pokračuje do stanice: Praha hlavní nádraží, Plzeň hlavní nádraží a - München Hauptbahnhof, bude opožděn. Předpokládané zpožděná vlaku bude asi 450 minut! Upozorňujeme cestující, že ohlášené zpoždění se může změnit! Vlak bude opožděn z důvodů zaviněných cestující veřejností!

INISS 3 information system

What could possibly go wrong?

The Taylor Swift Train is a special express service by České dráhy, created as a response to Taylor Swift’s concert in the Czech Republic, specifically designed for Swifties.

When it became clear that Central Europe was about to experience one of the largest musical invasions in history in 2026, Czech Railways couldn’t just stand by idly. The mass exodus of Swifties demanded action. And so, in meeting rooms where decisions usually revolve around how many years it will take to repair a single Pendolino, an idea was born—a special express service to speed up fan transfers between concert locations and relieve regular connections.

On paper, it seemed like a brilliant move. In reality, it was a disaster so monumental that it will go down in Czech Railways' history alongside the failure of the "Railjet for the poor" project or the fatal mistake of believing RegioJet would never be real competition. Express “Taylor Swift” was meant to be a triumph, but it became the funeral carriage of the entire transportation strategy.

Origin

Taylor has too much Swifties

The year 2026 was supposed to be a turning point for the Czech Republic. After twenty years of being ignored by Taylor Swift—probably because Czechs are subhumans in her eyes or simply because there aren’t enough luxury Starbucks locations—this pop icon finally announced her visit. And not just to one city, but three. Local fans, the same ones who had no idea where Brno was just a week ago, lost their minds with excitement.

But this moment of absolute triumph had one major catch. Where do you put the endless horde of fans? Air travel was out of the question—Ryanair was offering €2 tickets, but only if passengers agreed to bring nothing but a microscopic fanny pack and stand for the entire flight. Buses? RegioJet drivers would have a mental breakdown after eight straight hours of screaming about how All Too Well changed someone's life. That left only one option—rail transport.

And so, in the offices of Czech Railways, an idea was born—one that, in hindsight, would turn out to be the very essence of idiocy. The plan: deploy special trains to handle the nationwide transportation of fanatical Swifties. The goal was clear—take some of the pressure off the regular train lines, which were already on the verge of collapse, since Czech Railways had grown accustomed to the luxury of an average six-month delay over the past decade.

In theory, it sounded perfect. Fans would get special express trains, precisely timed to match the concert schedule, equipped with comfortable coaches and all the amenities this army of pink TikTok zombies needed. Unfortunately, there was one tiny problem:

ČD didn’t have any suitable train cars.

Not available

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To be clear—it's not that train cars didn’t exist. But every single modern compartment, every air-conditioned interior, and every coach that didn’t smell like a chemical toilet at a music festival had already been assigned to regular long-distance routes. InterPanters? Taken. Railjets? Busy on routes to Austria. Pendolinos? The few that were available were stuck shuttling between Prague and Ostrava in a desperate attempt to compete with Leo Express.

And so, a catastrophically bad decision was made. If modern train cars weren’t available, they would have to dig deeper into history. Much deeper.

With all the newer trains unavailable, Czech Railways decided to resurrect the biggest railway corpses ever to grace Czech tracks. And when we say "corpses," we mean train cars that should have been scrapped and turned into canned food tins years ago.

But this was available

Where did these legendary wrecks come from?

• The Czech Třebová Rail Cemetery – The final resting place for express train cars that have survived the last two world wars.
• Prague-South Depot – Where trains spend retirement believing they’ll never have to carry passengers again.
• Brno-Horní Heršpice Depot – A maintenance facility where trains are kept in such pitiful condition that even Ukrainian refugee evacuation cars are more luxurious.
• Děčín – The last stop for train cars that nobody wants anymore, but still exist because scrapping them would be too expensive.

To see if the train could actually move, a test run was scheduled between Prague and Kolín.

• The doors on two cars wouldn’t open—because rust had welded them shut, and nobody bothered to check.
• The heating system in one car exploded—probably because it hadn’t been serviced since 1994.
• The Wi-Fi didn’t work—causing a panic attack among the test group of Swifties.
• One of the train cars just decided to catch fire—because what else would you expect from technology dating back to the last millennium?

And yet, the decision was made: The Taylor Swift Express would roll out.

No one could have predicted that this choice would lead to one of the greatest transportation disasters in Central European history…

Route

Ex 189 "Taylor Swift" (Outbound)

Section	Details
Route	Brno hl.n → Česká Třebová → Pardubice hl.n → Kolín → Mladá Boleslav hl.n → Česká Lípa hl.n → Děčín hl.n → Ústí nad Labem hl.n → Praha-Holešovice → Praha hl.n → Plzeň hl.n → Domažlice → Furth im Wald → München Hbf
Planned Travel Time	10 hours (pure fantasy)
Actual Travel Time	39 hours (arrival not guaranteed, delays are biblical)
Locomotive Change	Kolín, Děčín, Plzeň (electrification? Standardized rail network? Never heard of it!)
Regular Passenger Transport	Yes, but only between Pardubice and Prague (passengers have a slim chance of getting out alive here)
Luggage Transport	Limited (space is prioritized for medical evacuations and emotional support crying zones)
Onboard Experience	- Doors jammed shut (passengers must climb out of windows if evacuation is needed) - Heating system may explode (passengers advised to sit near emergency exits—if they open) - No Wi-Fi (Swifties may suffer immediate psychological distress) - Unscheduled fires (considered a feature, not a bug)
Special Measures	In Plzeň hl.n, the train is renumbered to EuroCity 1189, creating the illusion of a premium service.

Station Descriptions

Station	Description	Photo
Brno hl.n	The start of this horror ride. Passengers board with excitement, blissfully unaware of their fate.
Česká Třebová	A major rail hub, also known as the scrapyard where half of this train was salvaged from.
Pardubice hl.n	The last safe point. If you can, disembark here and run for your life.
Kolín	Locomotive change. Expect delays as ČD personnel search for a working engine.
Mladá Boleslav hl.n	Swifties may get out and admire the industrial wasteland before reboarding their personal hell.
Česká Lípa hl.n	A strategic stop for existential reflection.
Děčín hl.n	Locomotive change again—because why not?
Ústí nad Labem hl.n	Passengers may witness chemical pollution so intense that it adds another layer of suffering.
Praha-Holešovice	Almost Prague, but not quite. Desperation levels increase.
Praha hl.n	Halfway point. Many will try to escape, but ČD staff will drag them back in.
Plzeň hl.n	Train is magically renamed to EuroCity 1189, giving passengers false hope of a faster and more luxurious ride.
Domažlice	Civilization ends here. From now on, only suffering.
Furth im Wald	Welcome to Germany, where even Deutsche Bahn will look like a luxury service compared to this.
München Hbf	Survivors crawl out, deeply traumatized. Therapy recommended.

Ex 190 "Taylor Swift" (Return)

Section	Details
Route	München Hbf → Furth im Wald → Domažlice → Plzeň hl.n → Praha hl.n → Praha-Holešovice → Ústí nad Labem hl.n → Děčín hl.n → Děčín-Východ → Česká Lípa hl.n → Mladá Boleslav hl.n → Kolín → Pardubice hl.n → Česká Třebová → Skalice nad Svitavou → Blansko → Brno-Královo Pole → Brno hl.n → Břeclav
Planned Travel Time	14 hours (lies and propaganda)
Actual Travel Time	64 hours (passengers arrive significantly older, if at all)
Locomotive Change	Plzeň, Děčín, Kolín (because nothing screams efficiency like switching engines three times)
Regular Passenger Transport	No, unless someone actively seeks to experience the fifth circle of hell.
Luggage Transport	Yes, but don’t expect your luggage to make it to the final destination.
Onboard Experience	- Severe dehydration (beverages available only to those willing to drink from radiators) - Train will break down every other station (passengers encouraged to push it themselves) - Spiritual crisis (conductors may charge extra for onboard therapy)
Special Measures	Train starts in München Hbf as EuroCity 1190. In Kolín, it is downgraded to R 890 "Svitava", and in Brno hl.n, it is reduced to Os 4472, completing its tragic descent into irrelevance.

Station Descriptions

Station	Description
München Hbf	Departure. Optimistic passengers board, unaware they are about to enter the longest psychological endurance test of their lives.
Furth im Wald	The last moment passengers can reconsider their choices.
Domažlice	Civilization disappears. Desperation sets in.
Plzeň hl.n	Train crew will attach additional cars, assuming anyone still wishes to continue.
Praha hl.n	The point where most passengers will attempt to escape. ČD personnel will resist.
Praha-Holešovice	If you’re still here, you might as well accept your fate.
Ústí nad Labem hl.n	The sight of chemical plants may remind passengers of their own decaying hope.
Děčín hl.n	Another locomotive change. No one even pretends this is normal anymore.
Děčín-Východ	Stop added purely to prolong suffering.
Česká Lípa hl.n	An ideal place for a breakdown—both mechanical and emotional.
Mladá Boleslav hl.n	No one knows why this stop exists, but it does.
Kolín	Train is humiliatingly renamed R 890 "Svitava", signaling the final collapse of its dignity.
Pardubice hl.n	A false glimmer of hope. You’re not even close to freedom.
Česká Třebová	Passengers will contemplate whether their suffering has a greater meaning. It doesn’t.
Skalice nad Svitavou	At this point, time has lost all meaning.
Blansko	Passengers consider mutiny.
Brno-Královo Pole	The atmosphere of despair is palpable.
Brno hl.n	Train is officially downgraded to Os 4472, completing its transformation from an "express" into a miserable commuter train.
Břeclav	If you made it here, congratulations. You have seen the worst that rail travel has to offer.

Planned composition

Ex/EC 189/190 "Taylor Swift"

Order	Car Type	Model	Manufacturer	Year Built	Modernization	Max Speed (km/h)	Seating Capacity	Layout	Equipment & Features	Interior
1	Electric/Diesel Locomotive	ČD 362 (Brno–Kolín), ČD 714 (Kolín–Děčín), ČD 362 (Děčín–Plzeň), DLB 223 (Plzeň–München)	Škoda / ČKD / Siemens	1980s–1990s	N/A	90–160	N/A	N/A	Sometimes moves forward	Doesn't really matter.
2	First-Class Coach	Aee 140	VEB Waggonbau Görlitz (GDR)	1974-1985	2015 - 2017	160	52	Compartment	Air conditioning, working toilets, Internet connection, 230V sockets
3	Second-Class Coach	Bee 238	MVG Györ (Hungary)	1966–1974	2010 - 2011	160	60	Compartment	Worn seats, functional lighting, occasional heating
4	Second-Class Coach	Bee 238							Wi-Fi (sometimes), seating from the past century
5	Second-Class Coach	Bee 238							Power sockets, some doors may or may not open
6	Second-Class Coach	Bee 238							Windows may or may not function
7	Second-Class Coach	Bee 238							No major structural failures yet
8	Second-Class Coach	Bpee 237	MVG Györ (Hungary) VEB Waggonbau Bautzen (GDR)	1974–1985	2010 - 2012	160	80	Open-Space	Digital displays, automatic doors, misleading luxury
9	Second-Class Coach	Bpee 237	MVG Györ (Hungary) VEB Waggonbau Bautzen (GDR)
10	Second-Class Coach	Bee 238	MVG Györ (Hungary)	1966–1974	2010 - 2012	160	60	Compartment	Expect same experience as previous Bee 238s	Watch up there
11	Second-Class Coach	Bee 273	VEB Waggonbau Bautzen (GDR)	1972–1985	1993 - 1995	140	58	Compartment/Open-Space	Manual doors, 230V socket on toilet
12	Second-Class Coach	Bee 272	VEB Waggonbau Bautzen (GDR)	1969–1973	1993 - 1995	140	58	Compartment/Open-Space	Upgraded B 249, still old
13	Luggage & Bicycle Coach	Bbdgmee 236	VEB Waggonbau Bautzen (GDR)	1987-1988	2012 -2 014	160	41	Luggage/Compartment	Luxurious luggage car, Wi-Fi and many other things

Notes:

• Ex 189 in Plzeň changes its designation to EuroCity 1189.
• Ex 190 starts in München as EuroCity 1190.
• In Kolín, Ex 190 becomes R 890 "Svitava".
• In Brno hl.n., R 890 changes to Os 4472 (commuter train).
• Capacity estimates are theoretical, actual numbers may vary based on how many passengers collapse from exhaustion.

Actual composition

Ex/EC 189 "Taylor Swift"

No.	Car Type	Model	Manufacturer	Year Built	Modernized?	Max Speed (km/h)	Capacity	Seating Layout	Features	Interior
1	Electric/Diesel Locomotive	ČD 362 (Brno–Kolín), ČD 714 (Kolín–Děčín), ČD 362 (Děčín–Plzeň), DLB 223 (Plzeň–Munich)	Škoda / ČKD / Siemens	1980s–1990s	None	90-160	N/A	N/A	-
2	First-Class Coach	A149	VEB Waggonbau Bautzen (GDR)	1972–1978	No/"Humanizated"	140	54	Compartment	Freezing in winter, hotter than Satan’s asshole in summer, smells like a wet dog that died a week ago
3	First-Class coach	A149
4	Second-Class Coach	B249	VEB Waggonbau Bautzen (GDR)	1974–1985	No/"Humanizated"	140	80	Compartment	Leather seats stick to your ass like a used condom, unidentified stains everywhere. Some of them has "humanizated" interior (230V sockets, new poor fabric seats)
5	Second Class coach	B249
6	Second-Class Coach	B249
7	Second-Class Coach	B249
8	Second-Class Coach	Bee 272	VEB Waggonbau Bautzen (GDR)	1972 - 1973	1993 - 1995	140	58	Compartment/Open-Space	Has doors that sometimes close, but the toilet still flushes straight onto the tracks
9	Second-Class Coach	Bdmtee 275	VEB Waggonbau Bautzen (GDR)	1989-1990	2004-2007	160	96	Open-Space	Feels like sitting on a church pew, back pain guaranteed
10	Second-Class Coach	Bdtmee 275
11	Second-Class Coach	B249	VEB Waggonbau Bautzen (GDR)	1974–1985	No	140	80	Compartment	Designed by someone who hates humans	Look above lol
12	Second-Class Coach	Bd 264	VEB Waggonbau Bautzen (GDR)	1974-1985	2009 - 2011	140	74	Compartment	Lights don’t work, but that’s actually an improvement, with some place for bicycles (otherwise same as B 249)
13	Luggage Coach	BDs 449	VEB Waggonbau Bautzen (GDR)	1974 - 1981	No	140	40	Luggage/Compartment	Where both suitcases and passengers who’ve lost the will to live end up

EC/Ex/R/Os 1190/190/890/4472 (Return) – Real Train Composition & Features

(Copy-paste the same festering heap of garbage but in reverse – doesn’t make it any better)

Notes:

• Ex 189 in Plzeň changes its designation to EuroCity 1189.
• Ex 190 starts in München as EuroCity 1190.
• In Kolín, Ex 190 becomes R 890 "Svitava", meaning it's now officially a regional fast train but still just as shitty.
• In Brno hl.n., R 890 changes to Os 4472, finally embracing its destiny as a glorified commuter bus on rails.
• Locomotive changes happen three times per journey because uniform infrastructure is for losers.
• Capacity estimates are theoretical; actual numbers may vary based on how many passengers pass out, die, or escape through a broken window.
• Delay estimates are purely optimistic bullshit—you’ll arrive someday.

Release

Brno – Kolín:

At 8:13 AM, the train lurched out of Brno, groaning like a wounded animal. Those who squeezed their way into the battered carriages still clutched onto the naive belief that they were merely passengers. They had no idea they’d entered a rolling asylum bound for hell.

The Swifties – preteen gremlins and middle-aged divorcees, all dolled up like glitter-soaked clowns – were buzzing with excitement. Plzen awaited. Taylor Swift awaited. Their queen. Phones clicked. TikToks flooded the net. Their giggles echoed like a death rattle. It was their last moment of innocence.

The train was a coffin on wheels. The seats felt like concrete slabs wrapped in crusty fabric, stained with substances no one dared identify. Windows sealed shut. Air conditioning? A distant dream. Within minutes, the carriage stank of sweat, fruity body spray, and bile. Someone had already vomited.

Then came the discovery.

“No Wi-Fi?” a pink-haired goblin shrieked. “At least we can charge our phones,” murmured another, desperately seeking salvation in sockets. Dead. Every. Single. One.

The hysteria erupted like a bomb.

“I CAN’T TAKE IT! I’M GONNA DIE!” a girl with braided hair screamed, clawing at her scalp. Another smeared lipstick onto the wall, scrawling “Taylor Will Save Us.” Two others started making out. More joined. Soon, the carriage became a perverse music video – sloppy kisses, rhinestone bras flying, tears mixing with saliva.

By Vyškov, a girl smashed her phone against the seat. When the screen shattered, she grabbed a shard and pressed it into her neck. Her friend snapped a photo, whispering, “So aesthetic…”

Česká Třebová marked the first mass suicide. Three teens hung themselves using their bras in the stroller space. Their bodies swayed with the train’s rhythm. The conductor peeked in, shrugged, and walked on.

Pardubice brought escalation. Five Swifties stripped naked, licking seats like possessed dogs. One jammed her iPhone down her throat while shrieking the chorus of “Love Story.” She choked. Her friends clapped. When she stopped twitching, one leaned in for mouth-to-mouth but ended up French kissing the corpse.

The conductor returned. Saw the body. Poked it with his broom. “Another idiot.” He swept her limp frame to the door and booted it onto the tracks as the train sped on.

Kolín shattered hope. Swifties clawed at windows. The doors were manual. Handles. Comprehension failed them.

Elsewhere, two girls found a folding toilet. “Let’s send her to Taylor,” one giggled. She crammed her friend in. Pulled the flush. Her friend suffocated. Legs twitched. The conductor yanked the lever harder. When limbs jammed the pipe, he kicked what stuck out onto the tracks.

The train dragged north. Swifties gathered like cultists. Some drew a Ouija board in lip gloss. One bit off her pinky and offered it to their Pop Goddess.

The conductors snapped. Armed with ticket machines and brooms, they patrolled like prison guards. A Swiftie asked for help; she was beaten until teeth clattered to the floor.

Děčín:

Crossing the border into Děčín was like entering the mouth of hell. The Swifties, now feral, started chewing seat covers for sustenance. A girl peeled a scab off her friend’s knee and ate it like communion. Another dug into her thigh with a nail file, hoping the pain would reconnect her to Taylor’s spirit.

Near the buffet car, a group tried to sacrifice a pigeon they caught by the window, chanting lyrics to "You Belong With Me" as they twisted its neck.

The conductor passed. No words. Just a mop handle cracking a girl’s collarbone as he cleared a path.

Ústí nad Labem:

The train rattled into Ústí. Half the Swifties were catatonic. The other half were fighting each other for drops of bottled water. One girl beat her friend unconscious with a Crocs sandal over a Capri-Sun pouch.

The doors creaked open. A few tried to escape. The conductor caught them. He didn’t even bother speaking. He raised his ticket machine like an executioner’s axe. Foreheads split. Teeth flew. They were shoved back inside.

A Swiftie slipped onto the platform, clutching her phone, trying to call her mom. “There’s no signal…” The conductor watched. He nudged her onto the tracks with his boot. Train doors slammed shut.

Ústí – Prague:

No more screams. The Swifties were broken. Muted sobs. One girl gnawed on a bus ticket. Another held a picture of Taylor, praying.

A girl whispered, “Maybe if we jump out…” Her friend replied, “What if we miss the concert?”

The conductor passed. No beatings this time. Just contempt.

Prague:

Hlavní nádraží was meant to be salvation. The Swifties thought they were free.

The doors. Handles.

“I DON’T KNOW HOW TO OPEN IT!” “I’M TRYING! NOTHING WORKS!”

A girl shattered her ankle kicking the glass. Another bashed her head into the door, cracking her skull open.

The conductor arrived, drunk. He turned the handle. The door opened.

Bodies tumbled onto the platform. The living dragged themselves out like trench survivors. Tears, glitter, and blood mixed. Some filmed TikToks.

Prague – Plzeň:

The train rolled westward. The Swifties were shells. Some kissed, but it was ritualistic now. Two gnawed seat cushions. A girl scratched her arm with a makeup brush, muttering Taylor’s lyrics.

Beroun: Suicide Attempt #37. A girl tried to slit her wrists with a Starbucks gift card. Minor scratches. She cried from failure.

The conductors didn’t care. They kicked any body that didn’t move.

Plzeň:

The train arrived. Outwardly normal. Inside: charnel house.

Doors. Handles. Their final boss.

“IT WON’T OPEN!” “TAYLOR HELP US!”

A girl gnawed the handle. Another used her iPhone as a crowbar, smashing her face in the process. One rammed the window with her head, collapsed, twitching.

The conductor stepped up. Wordless. Turned the handle.

The Swifties spilled onto the platform like the defeated.

Taylor’s concert began. They cried. Sang. Worshipped.

Back on the platform, the conductor hosed blood off the train.

Way back

The train didn't return.

Accident with Ashley

Ashley W., 21 years old, British, born and raised in the poshest part of London, and a Swiftie with zero brain cells but infinite confidence. She’s the kind of girl who thinks "starving" means waiting 10 minutes for her UberEats.

When she stepped into first class, car 360 (A¹⁴⁹) of EX 189 Taylor Swift, she radiated delusion. Her hair was freshly curled, her lips dripping in Dior gloss, and her energy screamed ‘Daddy’s Amex got declined, but I refuse to accept reality.’

✨ Ashley’s Outfit Check (a.k.a. ‘I dress expensive so I must be important’):

• Beige cropped hoodie – $40 ("It’s from Urban, babes. You wouldn’t get it.")
• Black skinny jeans – $40 ("Baggy trousers make me look poor, ew.")
• Apple Watch Series 9 in pink aluminium – $400 ("Gotta check my steps even when I don’t walk anywhere.")
• Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses – $150 ("For blocking out broke people.")
• Nike Air Jordan 1 OG Latte – $220 ("Luxury is a right, not a privilege.")
• Louis Vuitton Speedy 25 bag – $1,500 ("Mummy says I shouldn’t flex, but IDGAF.")

Total look value: $2,500

Train ticket: Nonexistent.

Karel O., 34-year-old Czech train conductor, exhausted, and 99% done with life, walked through the train with the same dead-inside expression he had worn since he started working for České dráhy.

He reached Ashley’s compartment.

"Dobrý den, kontrola jízdních dokladů."

Dead silence. The Swifties just stared.

Karel sighed. Switched to English.

"Tickets, please."

Ashley barely glanced up from her Louis Vuitton bag, chewing pink bubblegum like a cow in slow motion.

"Uh, babes, I fink I lost me ticket, innit?" she said, her thick London accent dripping with stupidity and entitlement.

Karel, already regretting his life choices, reached for his Casio IT-3100 portable cash register.

"You can pay by card. I don’t know if the signal will work."

Ashley’s brain short-circuited. Then, she smirked.

"Oh, I fink I’ve got anuvver way to pay, luv."

Karel squinted.

"Do you have an ID?"

Ashley blinked like a confused goldfish.

"Wot?"

"Identification. Passport. Something."

Ashley rolled her eyes so hard she nearly fell over. She yanked her passport from her LV bag and practically threw it at him.

"Babe, can’t you just, like, let it slide? I’m literally a woman in STEM."

Karel glanced at her passport.

"London. Figures."

Ashley leaned in, chewing her gum like a cow, eyes half-lidded, playing with her hair.

"C’mon, luv, just do us a lil’ favour, yeah? Wink, wink."

Karel felt his soul trying to escape his body.

"Ma’am, this is a train. Not OnlyFans. Pay for your ticket."

Ashley gasped. "Ugh, rude!"

Ashley, now fully unhinged, suddenly grabbed Karel’s uniform shirt and yanked him closer.

Karel, horrified, shouted: "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

The other Swifties? Too stunned to speak.

"OH MY GOD, SHE’S REALLY DOING IT?!"

Ashley pinned Karel against the compartment wall, her eyes feral.

The Swifties screamed.

"HELP HIM! SHE’S LOST IT!"

Then, in the most cursed moment of the 21st century, Ashley tied her hair into a ponytail, dropped to her knees, and gave him a blowjob.

Karel’s entire existence flashed before his eyes.

"NO! STOP! WHAT THE FUCK?!"

Karel and two passengers tried to pry her off. No luck.

It took a full team effort to finally pull her away.

Ashley licked her lips, flicked her hair back, and waltzed out of the compartment like nothing happened.

Then.

She pulled out her vape.

Opened Instagram Reels.

Blew smoke into the camera.

Then into Karel’s face.

"Slay, queen."

Karel, mentally deteriorating by the second, stared at her.

"Vaping isn’t allowed. You have to pay a fine."

Ashley pretended not to hear.

She tried to open the train window.

Karel, still printing her fine, simply opened it first, effortlessly.

Ashley kept vaping anyway.

Fine printed.

"1 000 CZK. Pay or I will have to remove you at the next station."

Ashley snapped.

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU FINK YOU ARE, BITCH?!"

And that.

Was it.

Karel grabbed his Casio IT-3100 ($3,200 of railway-grade pure fury)

And SWUNG IT.

Straight.

Into.

Ashley’s skull.

The impact was IMMACULATE.

She collapsed instantly.

Hit the wall.

Then the floor.

And stayed down.

For a full hour.

Karel sighed, wiped his forehead, and went back to work.

The Swifties? Absolutely speechless.

About an hour later, Karel noticed movement.

Ashley, still on the floor, groaned.

He squatted down, sighed, and held out a hand.

"You alive?"

Ashley blinked up at him, rubbing her forehead.

"Bloody ‘ell, luv, you ‘it me wiv a fuckin’ truck."

Karel shrugged. "You kinda deserved it."

Ashley pouted. "Ugh, don’t be mean, babe."

And just like that, they started talking.

About trains.

For the rest of the journey, Karel and Ashley actually got along.

He helped out in second class, checked on Ashley occasionally, and to his horror… She actually seemed to enjoy his company.

At Plzeň, Ashley paid her fine and ticket ($215 in total).

Karel lit a cigarette.

Ashley went to the Taylor Swift concert.

And then.

She started texting him.