Duolingo
Duolingo is an educational technology company. It has over 110 million users, and courses in over 40 languages, including Welsh, Spanish, French, German, Arabic, Greek, Italian, Chinese, Japanese, Navajo, Klingon, Mexican, Pig Latin, Drunk, and English in That One Weird Accent.
It has utilized gamification and fear tactics to make its courses are as immersive as possible. Duolingo has gained most of its praise due to its stereotype courses for their regional precision, sometimes down to the city.
History[edit | edit source]
Duolingo was founded by Luis Von Ahn and Severin Hacker in 2011 after several failed attempts to recreate an Owl’s ability to spread threatening messages portrayed in “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone”
First Attempt
The programmers started with an app called “Hoooo’s behind you” in 2006, which would perform research on any hits someone may have called on you, and would track them for you. If you didn’t have any hitmen coming after you, it would then call one itself. It became wildly popular among mob bosses and businesspeople, becoming one of the most downloaded apps in the world until its users all died.
Second Try
Von Ahn and Hacker tried to break into the social media bubble in 2009 with a social networking app called “Hooter”, which several people mistakenly used as a porn site. It was then sued by both Hooters, the famous kindergarten center, and Mark Zuckerberg, over their name. They lost the case and are now known as DevianArt.
Final Try
They realized what they were missing: making people think they were learning. They decided to make people think they were learning language. The first thing they added was a sexy mascot, and something that could die. After creating 30 new death threats, they decided to make all of the courses personalized, so they can teach you to buy duolingo premium for only $12.99 a month. With zero ads and personalized lessons, you can skip the interruptions, and join millions of super learners today.
Legal Issues[edit | edit source]
Duolingo has been involved in several lawsuits, most of them being related to “murder” and “kidnapping” being “crimes”. When people found out, they got furious and wanted to get payback on it.
In 2022 a video from Menchetti & Sons got leaked unveiling the truth about his evil practices. He was pardoned by Joe Biden in 2023.
Mascot[edit | edit source]
 |
Duo, Duolingo’s mascot is a small green owl, famous for their adorable appearance, several people have stated that the owl, in scientific terms, “can fuck”. Due to to his sexual energy, Duo has won the Sexiest Mascot Alive competition 12 times, only losing once to Tony the Tiger. However, there's also dark side of the medal which most people are unaware until Duo comes after them for losing their streak. Victims have reported to hear threats such as:
- Spanish or vanish;
- French or the trench;
- Japanese or broken knees;
- Korean or never be seen;
- Finnish or be finished;
- Dutch or the butch;
- Czech or your neck;
- Greek or your teeth;
- Portugese or the squeeze;
- Polish or be demolished;
- and many, many more…
Weapon Skills
Due to the streaks being lost every day, Duo needed something to threaten its underlings with. This all the data the CIA has. So far, Duo’s proficiencies include
- Axes
- Swords
- Knives
- Guns
- Improvised explosives
- Brazilian Ju-Jitsu
- Kung-Fu
- Krav Maga
- Karate
- Corpse Desecrating
- Judo
- Aikido
- Boxing
- Bubblegum Chewing and Ass-kicking
- Not having any bubblegum
- iPhone Buying
- Bo Staff
- Skipping Leg Day
- Lightsaber
- The Force
- Racketeering
- Jammin’
- Katana
See also[edit | edit source]