Disco ball

Disco Ball safely trapped by laser containment field.

A disco ball (also known as a mirror ball, glitter ball, ball mirror, crystal ball, or specular sphere) is a roughly spherical object that reflects light directed at it in many directions, producing a complex display. The device was used in the ritual of "Carrousel", taken by those who reached the age of 30, with the promise of being "Renewal" in order to maintain their mostly hedonistic lifestyle.

The Past of Disco Balls

Disco Balls originated in the 1970's, the age of Rollerskating, Platform Shoes and Afros. The Disco Ball would hang from the ceilings of Rollerskating Rinks, playing funky disco music that everyone can get down to! The Disco Ball also provided colored light, often for black men with afros who wore jerseys and bell-bottom pants while they skated around. The people who attended these meetings were known as Disco Ballers. Mr. T was also known to be a popular Disco Baller. However, the Disco Balls were known for their hard-to-miss glitches, such as shooting death rays instead of light, or falling from the ceiling onto an unsuspecting victim.

Problems with Disco Balls

Death Rays shooting from a Disco Ball.

• Screws coming loose, causing the Disco Ball to fall to the ground.
• Often had a light malfunction, creating deadly death rays, rather than light.
• Would sometimes shut itself down, causing a hilarious onslaught of Disco Ballers colliding with one another in the dark.
• One case included a Disco Ball which fell to the ground, did not break, which then shot death rays, killing everyone in the Rink.
• Disco balls are known for accumulating gayons and can explode if they reach critical mass emitting large amounts of hazardous gaydiation. Remember to use gaydar to check the gayon levels of your disco ball. You don't want to end up like The Village People.

Other Hilarious Cases of Disco Ball Failure

This man was trapped in a Disco Ball for 4 weeks.

• A Disco Ball in Southern Florida fell to the ground and landed on a mans head. The man skated around with a Disco Ball attached to his head for several hours even after severe blood loss and brain damage.
• Mr. T was insulted by a man who said he had poor disco balling skills. Mr. T said he pitied the foo' who thought he had poor Disco Balling skills, and then ripped the Disco Ball from the ceiling, bludgeoning the man to death.

Disco Ball Advantages

• Colorful array of lights for rollerskaters.
• Provided funky disco music.

...

But other than that, Disco Balls of the Past were a huge failure.

Gayons build up to critical levels causing disco balls to explode.

The Future of Disco Balls

In the future, Disco Balls will be used for Time Travel. The new, improved Disco Balls will be very large, with a control array on top. The Control Array offers comfortable leather seating, death rays which transport their victims to another dimension (thanks to the help of a mutant octopus), as well as several root beer dispensers. Of course, it also has a year input device. You simply enter the year and fly away! However, you must be careful not to go to the time of Ancient Greece, for Zeus awaits there and he will steal your Disco Ball! The only way to get it back from him is to answer him three questions. They are quite random, but will almost always include a question for your favorite color.

Anyways... the new, improved Disco Balls are cool and you should get one. They're Pro.

Where Can I Find a Disco Ball of My Very Own?

Disco Ball Time Travel Machines can be found at your local Wal★Mart, at the low, low cost of 512895 payments of $19.95. Get your very own today!'

'Disco Balls are extremely dangerous and should not be used in any circumstance. Ever.