Degrees In Doing Nothing
“I was never able to pass this degree because I have a habit of being quoted, which counts as doing something.”
“I am being quoted!”
A Bachelor of Jack Shit (BJack or BFckall), Master of Jack Shit (MJack or MFckall) and a Doctor of Jack Shit (DJack or DFckall) degree are specific degrees for courses in the field of Laziness, Jack Shit and Doing Nothing.
A lot of people consider this field of study to be a relatively easy one to follow, but it's really not. Many of the candidates who applied for the course were failed just for applying for the course, which in itself was doing something.
In Scotland and the United States, the BJack is awarded to candidates upon birth due to the intelligence of both nations exhibited in the field of Doing Nothing.
In terms of course structure, BJack, MJack and DJack degrees have the same content that is usually seen in other degree programmes, i.e. nothing.
Awarded after pursuing a two-year course of study, the BJack (Bachelor of Jack Shit) degree is recognized by the National Qualifications Framework as a Level 6 Qualification. It is the basis qualification for occupations such as unemployment. Upon graduation, one can to expect to earn £45-£50,000 per year in benefits. Pursuing a career in unemployment with a BJack can prove an advantage as it is proof of the person's ability to do nothing, wheras a person applying for a job in unemployment without the degree probably tries too hard.
BJack is not to be confused with a BJ, which is a popular pastime in most civilisations and therefore constitutes doing something. See, I told you doing nothing was difficult, especially when you can have a BJ!
Awarded after completing a four-year course of study, the MJack (Master of Jack Shit) degree is recognized by the National Qualifications Framework as a Level 7 Qualificaton. With a MJack, someone in the field of unemployment (sometimes known as a Jack Shitter) can expect to earn much more money in benefits. People who passed the MJack course are extremely unpopular as it is the taxpayer who is providing the salary for this occupation.
MJack is not to be confused with Michael Jackson because Master's Degrees are not made of plastic.
After a six-year course of study, the DJack (Doctor of Jack Shit) degree is the equivalent doctorate in the field and is recognized by the National Qualifications Framework as a Level 8 Qualification. A DJack represents the highest level of formal study in the field of Jack Shit, Doing Nothing and Laziness and mostly has to be awarded posthumously because of the sacrifices having to be made to complete the course. The requirements for passing a DJack include:
- Doing nothing in terms of breathing, the foremost cause of death in candidates
- Doing nothing in terms of drinking and eating, the secondmost cause of death in candidates
- Doing nothing in terms of reading Uncyclopedia articles, meaning you are not eligible for the degree
- Generally doing nothing
- Not doing anything at all
- Not doing any work; such behaviour would be considered cheating and such candidates would likely be failed.
- Not trying to do anything
- Not trying not to do anything; it should come naturally
- Not going to university to study the course in the first place
A DJack is not possible to obtain because in theory any given person or thing is doing something at any given time. There are some who, against all odds, managed to do nothing, but in doing nothing were not able to apply for the course. In a gesture of sympathy, these people are usually awarded the degree, but in receiving the degree they are doing something so the degree is taken away again.
The following are people who currently hold a Doctorate in Jack Shit:
(If you didn't get the hint, nobody holds a Doctorate in Jack Shit.)