Chrumpanzee
“Don't compare Trump with a chimpanzee. It's terribly rude to the chimpanzee.”
The chrumpanzee is a reptilian humanoid that is known for its shortsightedness, greed, and stupidity. Chrumpanzees have been known to get hopelessly "stuck" in heavy syrup (in-peached) when merely trying to eat some canned fruit. Despite thousands of hours of field observation, the chrumpanzee has never been known to tell the truth. However, note that, given its aims, the chrumpanzee's lies are adaptive, not dysfunctional just like the deceptive anglerfish it descended from. That species of anglerfish is known as a chrumpfish.
Evolutionary history[edit | edit source]
Ancient origins[edit | edit source]
The ancestor of the orange chrumpanzee, the orange chrumpfish, has a fleshy growth protruding from the top of its head deceptively resembling a yummy worm (as well as the hairdo of the 45th POTUS) that entices its prey to approach and become its next meal. While it may be hard to believe, the picture of a chrumpfish on this page is an actual, unretouched photo taken from the Un-uncyclopedia. No kidding. There is actually a chrumpfish, an orange anglerfish with a combover lure. Check out the link.
In the late Crustacean Period, descendants of the chrumpfish made the transition to land and began to evolve into the early chrumpanzee.
Modern "progress"[edit | edit source]
In the early Twitteration Period, the distinctive combover started to appear. Experts believe that this occurred due to the evolutionary need to lie to more people and incite the masses.
At the end of the Menstruation Period, chrumpanzees could be found throughout the United States, but are more common in the interior of the country in areas known as the 'red states'.
