The Cantorbury Tales

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Canterbury Tales)
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Godard-2.jpg This article is probably much too highbrow for your petit-bourgeois sense of humour.

Don't expect vulgar crackings-up or sophomoric non-sequiturs.

Just sit down with your pipe and let a reserved smile form in the unadulterated corners of your mouth.

If that still doesn't nudge your little gray cells into comprehension, go pick up a book you dumbtard.

“                    ”

~ Georg Cantor

The Cantorbury Tales is a collection of 14th century stories written by Georg Cantor. They trace the progression of a single linear plot in a collection of individual short stories. However, unlike many other such anthologies of stories, one third of the stories are missing between Book I and Book III of the collection, and one third of each book has been removed from the middle of their individual tales, and so on. The amount of the story removed can be modeled mathematically as:

The result is that, because the break does not include the endpoints of the plot, the Cantorbury Tales contain no actual written words but, there being an uncountably infinite number of points remaining in the course of the plot, still has as full a plot as continuous novels.

Synopsis of Tales[edit | edit source]

The Knight's Tale[edit | edit source]

Two knights, Panamon and Arcite, are best buddies and cuzzies. They were kidnapped and jailed by the Dick of Athens after they were caught stoned after illegally drinking while at war. Panamon wakes up and sees a lovely lady named Princess Emily outside of his cell, and his lovestruck sigh is so loud it wakes up his bro, Arcite, who sees her as well - and both want to marry the absolute fuck out of her. They decided to become un-bros and fight over this Princess Emily whom they never met. Eventually, it escalated into a full-blown war after both knights bravely fighting for their dear lovely lady assembled entire armies and clashed with each other in sword fights. Emily, who was aware of this affair, prays to Venus that she stay virgin and that the two knights get along. Sadly, she didn't know a planet was not very good at any sort of divine intervention. So in the end, Panamon killed Arcite and married Emily, who was happily his wife without any free will whatsoever.

The Miller's Tale[edit | edit source]

The Reeve's Tale[edit | edit source]

The Man of Law's Tale[edit | edit source]

The Wife of Bath's Tale[edit | edit source]

After being married 600 and half times two times in a row in one year, the Wife of Bath was officially an expert in marriage.

The Friar's Tale[edit | edit source]

The Summoner's Tale[edit | edit source]

The Clerk's Tale[edit | edit source]

The Merchant's Tale[edit | edit source]

The Squire's Tale[edit | edit source]

The Franklin's Tale[edit | edit source]

The Pardoner's Tale[edit | edit source]

The Shipman's Tale[edit | edit source]

Ecclesiastic Controversy[edit | edit source]

Shortly after the book's publication, the Catholic Church condemned the book for heresy. There had been some misunderstanding at the Vatican that the book had claimed to be more powerful than cardinals. This was a misinterpretation as the book simply claimed to have an uncountably infinite cardinality (represented as a cardinality of ). Though the church later recognized the error, the book remains banned in most Catholic countries because of public apathy toward the unbanning of "something without any real content."