Ban Ki Moon
“I'm coming to town! I'm making a list, I'ma checking ita twice!”
“I'm the real UN! Arre you lissning mr Moon! I'm the real UN! Are you lissnin mr Moon! So will the alleged UN please shut up -please shut up!”
“The hot air went out. Now to check out the list of colonies! (Al Gore is one of them)”
Ban Ki Moon (Ban - Yee - Boom, also Monkey Boone, Sailor Ban Ki Moon or "Button" to his friends) is a world famous terrorist, singer and United Nations leader and spiritual guru to Steve Cram the former middle distance runner and occasional egg and spoon competitor. He is currently Secretary General. He hails from South Korea, although is Human unlike most of its inhabitants. It is also rumoured that he was involved in the Great Train Robbery and is being considered to play Widow Twanky at the Swindon Theatre in January.
Political Career[edit | edit source]
Moon began his career in his native South Korea as an ambassador. Like many of his friends, he was addicted to video games. Many players accused him of cheating, there was a widespread movement to ban him (this being the origin of his name). Forced from the world of competitive gaming, he looked for other options. By leveraging his experience in various grand strategy and diplomacy games such as Starcraft and Civilization he quickly became a respected diplomat. However, he fell in with Kofi Annan, and eventually joined the UN believing it was a global peace-promoting group. He was a junior member of the South Korean delegation.
He soon became corrupt like many of his peers; he began to accepted bribes (like a private performance of Thriller by Michael Jackson - what Jackson received in return is unknown, though some speculate it has to do with Neverland Asia) and colluded to kill opponents of the UN. After murdering many of his political opponents, he became the South Korean delegate to the UN. In 2008, his forces marched on the palace of his excellency Kofi Annan and forced the corrupt wretch into retirement. Many wanted to kill Annan, but Moon, in the name of peace and harmony, wisely restrained them. Moon himself had no intent to become Secretary General, but upon seeing the great need of the people of the world, he reluctantly accepted this (now lifetime) position after the general assembly unanimously elected him against his wishes. He ascended the (now hereditary) throne of the General Secretary in 2009.
Musical Career[edit | edit source]
Ban Ki Moon is also a world famous pop artist. His masterpiece, Ban Ki Moon Is Coming To Town (inspired by Santa Claus), shot him into the charts. Since then he has released two best-selling albums, Dance Of The Fwuffy Pengwuin and Zerg: A Ballet. He has also duetted with Barbra Streisand and Shane Mcgowan as well as playing bass on Showaddywaddy's " Under the Moon of Love".
Private Life[edit | edit source]
Ban Ki Moon currently resides in New York City. He was recently arrested for Inciting Something Offensive, but was let off with a fine of six bananas. He is also a commited "dogging" fanatic and regularly goes with Stan Collymore for some jiggy action in the woods.