Ballinrobe

Ballinrobe

GENERAL INFORMATION
motto	In Supermacs we trust!
GEOGRAPHY
county	Ballinrobe City
country	Catholic Republic Of Mayo
DEMOGRAPHICS
population	Unknown
ethnic groups	Irish, Ballinrobers, Gypsies
religions	1st Church of Ballinrobe

Ballinrobe is a city in The Catholic Republic Of Mayo, its exact location is disputed and successive cartographers have tried to document it but have went missing in the process. This has given rise to the area known as The Ballinrobe Triangle prompting the Mayo government to reach an agreement with the United States to use satellite technology to pinpoint its location which should be realised sometime in February 2009 when the “TERRA” satellite will be directly over the presumed location. Since the 1980s the people of Ballinrobe have been afforded ethnic minority status in both the Republic of Ireland and The U.K., this was due in a large part to DNA analysis which controversially indicated a strong resemblance to the sheep genome (Ovis aries).

History

Ancient stone tablet written in Bogg-Latin during the glory of the Ballinrobe civilisation

The earliest written evidence of ballinrobe is in Ptolomy’s Geographia which stipulated the nature of the inhabitants to be an enlightened society equivalent to Rome, the next historical mention leads experts to believe that a catastrophic social upheaval must have happened in the intervening period as British explorers noted that living conditions were in contempt of even the most basic human requisites. Historians have speculated that the downfall of the early Ballinrobe civilisation may have been in part due to their involvment in the Great Pirate-Ninja conflict. Christianity did not reach Ballinrobe until the 1950s when the natives abandoned their polytheistic beliefs which resembled Hinduism but included ritual sacrifices and ceremonial sodomy. This late introduction of catholicism has resulted in a bizarre fusion of beliefs with modern music, Ballinrobers sing “I’m A Believer - The Monkeys”, “Hey Jude - The Beatles (substituting the word Jude with Jesus)” at religious services.

People & Culture

Social activities in Ballinrobe centre around “Da field”, where the bi-annual stick fighting championships take place, of further note is the potato peeling contest. Folk medicine is important in treating illnesses although recently more western style medication and pharmaceutical knowledge has been observed, it‘s unknown by what means this understanding has entered the region but may be due to trade connections with the O‘Pharmacy regime currently in control of Aberdeen in Scotland.

The convent of St Jaysus is a strong moral guide to the people of Ballinrobe, its former leader Mother Bobmarley was an outspoken critic of modern living, and could be found on her nightly patrols investigating areas at risk of under-age hanky panky. Born in Ballybeanflickers in the 1980s Sr. Bobmarley quickly rose up the ranks of power in the church spending years studying under the tutilage of Mother Repugnis in Ballyfeck and eventually came to lead the nuns of St. Jaysus. She was moved to another parish in Scotland in September 2007 due to embezzlement of church funds and is rumoured to have converted to Rastafarianism but maintains her innocence.

“ The money was just resting in my account ”

— Sr. Bobmarley, St. Jaysus Convent, Ballinrobe

Ballinrobe changed its flag in late 2004 to accommodate its claim to the area of Antarctica known as Marie-Byrd land and although the UN has refused to recognise the claims the town council headed by Tits Magee has agreed to fund an expedition to cement its territorial ambitions. In persuit of their goal the Ballinrobe freedom fighters (BFFs) has teamed up with the Galway travelling community headed by "The Boss" who has given consent to his kinsmen to partake in the operation, he himself is riddled with scabies and cannot accompany the party.

SAS

SAS Sufferers

A rare genetic disorder known as slapped-arse-syndrome (SAS) is exhibited by roughly 40% of the Ballinrobe population, it’s name is attributed to the discombobulated look on the face of sufferers said to resemble “a face like a slapped arse“. Alcohol is known to agitate it and as such the condition is thought to be due to mutation in the GABA receptors of the central nervous system. Symptoms include sudden uncontrolled wailing or a distressed sobbing while lamenting their grievances which are often minor and self-inflicted. Curiously the cure for SAS is in fact a swift kick up the arse which releases the afflicted individual from their apparent befuddlement.

Twinned Towns

• Ballybunion
• Ballymicklally
• Ballybeanflickers
• Ballyfeck
• Craggy Island
• Timbuktu
• Addis Abbaba
• Narnia
• Aberdeen