Bald Head Island
Maybe you were looking for baldness or Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia.
Basic Summary[edit | edit source]
Bald Head Island is in Brunswick County, North Carolina. Its only community is the village Bald Head Island, which has a total population of 268 in the 2020 population census. Due to a disease known as Baldness-69. The mayor Horsius Prime has recently come out of the closet as a chair. Horsius was never seen again after that day.
Bald Head Island History[edit | edit source]
Over 400 years ago, Native Americans called this place home, fishing & hunting in the creeks. However, they huffed all the kittens there and will huff any more kittens that come there so that's why the island has no kittens. In 1524, some douche named Giavanni de Verrazano attempts to colonize the place but he gets huffed and dies. In 1713, the island was named Smith Island but because there is already enough Smith Islands they named it something unique. They were either going to name it Lord Schlong Island or Spork Island, but some guy barged in and said for it to be named Bald Head Island, and that went through. In 1863, Holmes got erected and Fort Holmes was erected and I was erected. in 1986, there was a film that took place on the island. Neat!
Housing[edit | edit source]
Every single resident of Bald Head Island live in a tenement on Frying Pan Circle. The other houses are all Airbnbs. One time, I visited one and I fell into a basement and was trapped for 2 minutes before I found the door. The tenement has 69 floors and has a beer bong club.
Geography[edit | edit source]
Bald Head Island has some neat geographical features. We got Cape Fear (it made me shit my pants), Cape Fear River (ditto), Buzzard Bay, (the buzzards made me ditto), & Smith Island Range. For some reason, all the named rivers are Cape Fear River, although there are too many rivers for one name. What? What did you say Jimmy Aufhousagganananaga? You mean that there is a river named Fishing Creek? Oh damn, I fucked up real bad. I mean, there's also the Frying Pan Shoals I guess.
Businesses of Note[edit | edit source]
Bald Head Island has to have SOME businesses for its only entrance / exit being a ferry route. Uhhhhh, there's a golf cart dealer? There really isn't much to it.
Residents of Note[edit | edit source]
Bald Head Island has its fair share of bald people, like Britney Spears, Jackie Chan, & Arnold Schwarzenegger.
 | Parts of this page were originally sporked from Bald Head Association. |
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