Akuma

“Unless you're a beefcake I won't bother beating you like a wet shit in a hooker's body bag!”

~ Akuma on on himself

He's gonna tear you a new one.

Gouki Akuma birth name Kiyohiko Akuma (アクマきよひこ) is a character from Street Fighter series of Real-Time Strategy simulations designed to educate, as well as bust your thumbs and steal your quarters. His job in the series to be as cheap as they get. Akuma has a criminal record as a ruthless killer. If you see him, you RUUUUUAAAAAAAAANNNNN!!!!! even though it won't help.

In his spare time, he sometimes sell melons in some marketplace in India, or dresses up in an anthropomorphic hotdog costume and parades around, handing random peoples pamphlets and balloons to advertise whatever company he is posing for. He earns $40 a day. It's how he affords the luminous paint and journeys to massacre various things.

His special move is the Shun Goku Satsu, where after floating around for a few seconds, turns off all the lights in the vicinity and goes batshit on anyone who even looked at him beforehand. Then he paints luminous signs on his back. Then he poses. Then he sends you to hell.

Creation: Pre Street Fighter

Akuma was created by M.Bison of the M.Bison confederacy, in conjunction with Capcom in an experiment to see if they could make Goutetsu's student (who's obviously Japanese) grow ginger hair by putting some radioactive Phazon in a vat full of ice cream and feeding it to him. This is also how they created the other Street Fighter freaks. They succeeded, codenaming the test result "Gouki". After this, Gouki began to exhibit some strange side effects, the most noticeable was developing a fungal infection in his pelvic region and legs that caused him to scratch. Then he went bad ass.

Akuma tried to market a cereal but didn't do well

Fighting Goku

Gouki went totally evil and hardcore and changed his name to "Akuma" to like really rebel and stuff. It also now meant that he was either a con artist, or using several internet usernames on the Capcomunity or he just wants to confuse people. His leg itching got worse, and he posed even more. Anyway, he went to fight Goku. The fight was long and drawn out, but Akuma learned to be cheap by defeating him with his Shun Goku Satsu ("Instant Goku Killer") and developed a habit of painting on the back of his Gi. That weiner kid Ken saw this and came over to fight him. Akuma beat him easily by posing and telling him to go buy a pair of tweezers to fix his criminally pointy eyebrows. This strangely caused Ken to cry profusely. Remy was no longer the only girlyboy.

In between Street Fighter

Akuma, after declaring himself queen of the sugarplum fairies, decided to turn his attention to marketing a cereal called "AkumOs" comeplete with Red Hadoukens. But those sweet tasting little doosies tended to cause anyone who ate them to explode. The free "Dark Hadous" weren't doing anyone's yeast infections any favours either.

Disgraced, Akuma turned his back on the entertainment business and went back to making everyone into little bloody punchbags.

Street Fighter II

He didn't do much here. All he did however was kill his creator, M.Bison with the old Shun Goku Satsu before Guile could open a can of whoop-ass on him and have a well deserved fit of "revenge". Oh well, that's how the dungpile rolls.

Street Fighter II: The animated hentai... urm... MOVIE

Akuma was set to appear as a main villain after the scene where Chun Li fulfils every anime loving, basement dwelling perverts dream , but due to his hygiene problems concerning his legs settled for a cameo role. He appears in an airport scene right before the scene where Ken calls M. Bison a “big fat Dickhead” for flying his Big Funk stylee party possie plane too low over him and messing up his hair that he’d spent hours combing and combing to utter perfection while driving his girl back from supermodel school, and probably ignoring the highway codes because of "Flashbacks".

Street Fighter III

Akuma did a little more here. He learnt a move so powerful, that when he stood on Ayres Rock and punched it he split it open, whiping out a race of cryrogenically preserved intergalactic Scientologists placed there by Tom Cruise and Gill. Then he went and found a decent punchbag in Remy before kicking Gill in the balls repeatidly again. He then celebrated his win by smashing up an SUV, blowing up a sunken ship with his fists and then posing some more.

Street Fighter IV: A new beginning: The one that happened before the one that is the number that precedes it

Akuma should appear in this one, that happens before Street Fighter III, which means no scientologist destruction then.

The possible death of Akuma

In his lifetime, Akuma had been a real player and loved class clown. But his return to showbiz would be his undoing...

After the FBI predicted that Akuma was going to strike at a magical girl j-pop concert, they prepared to ambush him. They sent a secret agent named Player 1 to the event. There, she disguised herself as Alice Margatroid and blended in with the crowd. At that time, Akuma had drank a strange potion that he thought had bestowed onto him the power of the Orochi. Though it had given him an enormous boost in power at first, after a while, he felt so exhausted so much that he thought like Ryu and Marisa had raped him in his sleep. During the event, when Akuma decided to murder the girls using his Shun Goku Satsu, he rushed in, but then Player 1 pwned him in slo-motion... After the incident, when a bystander went near his corpse, he turned into an eight-headed dragon... It's possible Akuma didn't die, because the SNK demons weren't finished with him yet.

Enemies

These are the people that Akuma has fought against

• Goku
• Flash Gordon
• Gandalf
• you
• Dark Samus (owner of the Phazon)
• Ken
• Gill
• Player 1 (Alice Margatroid) (or Player 2, depending on which side you're in)
• Ryu

Games Akuma appeared in

• Street Fighter: The experiment.
• Street Fighter II Super Turbo.
• $tree' Fighter: Makin' money
• Street Fighter III
• As well as a bunch of other vs games Capcom keeps peddling out to steal kids quarters at the arcades.