Ye Olde Xbox
The Ye Olde Xbox is a game console from the year 1750. It was the first attempt by Microsoft at creating futuristic technology; though it inevitably failed due to either being perceived as Witchcraft, or customers simply opting for the Ye Olde PlayStation instead. Games available include Xtreem Stallion Rider 17XX, Colonialism: The Game, Murder Everything You Don't Like, and Bubsy 3D.
Development[edit | edit source]
It was said that the Ye Olde Xbox took many centuries to develop, mostly due to maths not being invented yet. Development started in 1569, because they thought that year was funny. After spending 50 years drinking Coffee and playing Ye Olde World of Warcraft, they finally began development.
Survivors say that the work environment was incredibly stressful. People would spontaneously combust trying to understand the technology required to create the console.
Ultimately, they were beat to launch by the Atari 2600.
Launch[edit | edit source]
The Ye Olde Xbox launched in 1750 to outstanding critical reception.
“It's so great that I don't even know what it is!”
~ Ye Olde Game Journalist on Ye Olde Xbox
But once people found out what it actually was, Microsoft was accused of witchcraft and the then-ceo Sir John Microsoft was burned at the stake.
Library[edit | edit source]
Very few developers created games for the system. However, around 6 games were ever made. These include
- Xtreem Stallion Rider 17XX - A game about horse riding and extreme sports
- Colonialism: The Game - This game is about claiming land for your country by putting flags in it and killing the natives
- Murder Everything You Don't Like - Based on the common ideas of people at the time
- Gold Digging Simulator - Game about digging for gold. You never find any, so the game isn't very fun
- Bubsy 3D - We don't talk about this one
- Please buy this console we aren't witches this game is really good - This game is just pong, but they were really desperate
Criticism[edit | edit source]
At first, critics loved the Ye Olde Xbox due to not knowing what it was actually supposed to be. But once they found out what it actually was, they called it "witchcraft" due to having no way of understanding how it actually worked
Once critics realised, they universally panned the console saying things like "It's unnatural!", and "The Ye Olde Playstation is better anyway". Due to dangerous levels of mob mentality, the critics prevented any new games from releasing and any new sales from being made.
Overall, the console sold 10,000 units for 1 million dollars. This is nothing compared to the 437 million dollars needed to create it.
Legacy[edit | edit source]
Eventually, the Ye Olde Xbox faded into obscurity, with no one knowing it even existed. Its successor, the Xbox, was an attempt to revive the failed console. It has since spawned many successors itself.
Recently, modern gamers have attempted to play the Ye Olde Xbox, however they currently sell for $999,999,999 on eBay.