This article is part of Uncyclopedia's Why? series. See more Why's?
Since the European settlement in Africa, dozens of musical instruments have been created, from tambourine (no matter what the spelling is) to dodgeridoo (again, the spelling is not important). Above all these instruments, notable people only choose some notable instruments, such as "The Big Five". Such as, drums, bass, guitars, keyboards and microphones. Well, the latter one is not really an instrument, but vocalists, who desperately want to be "musicians", consider a microphone an instrument. It really doesn't matter which instrument you choose, basically. However, anyone can learn how to play drums! Even a three-year old child can play drum with his/her spoons and his/her father's head. Anyone can also sing! I can sing, you can sing, and maybe your grandma can sing, there is no challenge. It is also easy to play keyboard, because you just have to randomly select a note and apply it on the keyboard. Now the only options left are guitar and bass. I don't know why I chose guitar.
Why should you play guitar?
You must play guitar, because:
- It attracts more groupies.
- So you can burn your guitar.
- You will be able to talk with your audience.
- It has more strings than bass guitar (normally).
- Easy to carry, unlike drums.
- Mistakes are unnoticeable.
- Instrumental guitar itself is considered as music. There is hardly anything like instrumental bass or instrumental drums. Or even instrumental vocal.
- You don't need to do any drumstick spinning, or slapping, or popping, or strumming with your bare hands, or use any technique that would detach the right hand of its true use.
- Because no one wants sex with the drummer
Why shouldn't you play guitar?
- When you don't know the C major sus D minor augmented C++ in E flat progression.
- You don't have a cigarette to be placed on your guitar fretboard.
- Because you will never be as good as Jimi Hendrix.
- It makes you smell funny.
- You can get STDs easily from the groupies.
- You are the one who is most likely to use drugs.
- Other band members will take your work for granted.
- Because every other dropkick with delusions of musical grandeur wants to play guitar, making said 'guitarists' a dime a dozen.
- You're easily replaceable
- Your band members will secretly (and sometimes publicly) hate you because you're flashy and you'll get more attention than them. This will ultimately result in an assassination attempt on you.
- If you're scared by Alex Lifeson.
Music is all about entertainment, dignity and getting a lot of porn star hookers. There are, really, zillions of musical instruments, but you really should choose guitar, I mean it. You see, guitar is the most beautiful instrument, with its six strings, Spanish chick's body, long neck, holes and other stuff. Guitar also requires a guitarist to really have mastered the instrument, unlike tambourine and air drums. So, get an axe and burn it! (If you want to though. I'm bored)