User talk:Shroomulah/Nerblet

There once was a hamster named “Nerblet”. He was a very special hamster who belonged to a family of psychotic people. They had various problems almost all of them being mentally debilitating. Well, the son was a necrophiliac.

Excuse me,

Huh? You don't want to hear more about it? Whatever your loss. Nerblet was a smart little hamster. He knew how to avoid the insane family and their abusive ways. The boy of this family would attempt to flush Nerblet down the toilet. This plan was foiled only by the fact that the audience for this story was under ten years old and had not realized that crazy people can do wonderful things. (laughs)

Eh hem.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry. I was just remembering a lovely event that happened earlier.

...What are you talking about?

What? Oh it happened in September. Like the tenth or twelfth or something. Not really important. Anyways, Nerblet could bargain with the terrible family by telling them that he would grant them three wishes. Well isn't that creative and unique Mr. Author? (sigh) What does it matter, these children have the attention span of rats. Well rodents can be quite attentive when there is cheese to be had. But rats don't go for cheese. They go for expensive french cuisine. Never seen that movie? Well it was great. I got quite drunk before taking my kids there. Made it a hell of a lot better.

...Could you go back to the story?

Huh? Oh, the story. My sincere apologies. I seem to have lost track again. The hamster Nerblet would say he could grant three wishes. Wait, that means he could talk. I guess this does teach that crazy people can do wonderful things. B-but that doesn't mean that sane people can't. Don't get me wrong here. I see things from a very open-minded point of view. Hey! I see you there, don't worry I caught myself, back to the story, yes? After the insane family had discussed the three wishes with themselves they came to a decision. The father wished that he could kill somebody just by thinking about it. The mother wished she could make someone come back to life. And the son wished he would have a living person die, then have them come back after he hadtouched the body. The hamster granted these wishes and the family was thrilled. They began discussing what they were going to do with their new found powers and were extremely delighted. “I can kill that bastard who took my promotion!” the father exclaimed. “I can see my sister again!” shouted the mother. “I get to touch Hilary Clinton!” screamed the boy. The hamster said he would grant these wishes for them but only if they set him free. The family looked at each other. “How do we know you aren't lying?” asked the father. The hamster told the family that they could find him in the neighbors garden if the wishes weren't fulfilled. They agreed to let him go. The door opened and out Nerblet went! Rushing through the grass for the first time in his life he was absolutely happy! He jumped over the flowers, rushed through the trees and laughed all the way. This made the family angry, as everybody knows that insane people despise happiness. Unless it's one person laughing hysterically. The father begin to think terrible thoughts about Nerblet. Then suddenly, Nerblet fell to the ground. The family rushed over to see what had happened. This being Nerblet's first time out he became too excited and had a heart attack.

Cholesterol Overdose

The father came forward. The family once again looked at the small hamster lying in the dirt. The mother had a change of heart. “I'll use my wish!” she said, and closed her eyes. Then suddenly a white light appeared on Nerblet, and he began to move! The mother smiled, for she had restored life to Nerblet! Nerblet got up and began to run around again, this time happier than ever. The father grew angry. His wife had wasted her wish on the hamster! She could have used it to see her sister! The father became angrier and angrier and before he knew it, Nerblet was lying on the ground motionless. “Oops” said the father “I think I might have killed Nerblet” The family gathered around the small hamster, sorry for what they had done. Then suddenly the boy spoke up.

Nothing is implied here. Move along.

“I'll use my wish too!” he yelled. The boy then grabbed the dead hamster. He carried Nerblet into his room and shut the door. After a few minutes or so, he came out and put Nerblet back in the cage. Nerblet was alive, but now even more a part of the family because of the physical and mental trauma that resulted in his rebirth!

Moral of the story

And that's the end kids! Wasn't it a great story? The moral of that is, wishes are dangerous! You shouldn't believe something just because it sounds great. In fact, it may be too great and you'll end up like Nerblet! You want that now don't you? Oh, yes Mrs. Thomson I'm all done here. Hmm? The author? Well, I actually wrote that book. it's based on personal experiences. My son is the hamster. Little scoundrel he is let me tell you.--Shroomulah 19:05, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

Hi.

This is a work in progress and will most likely be deleted because of how much it sucks. If you have come across this page and read my story, Thank you. Or if you are that weird guy who's stalking me, Thank you.