User talk:Oglethorpe

Object Consciousness

"God Know's why they keep committing suicide..." ~Dr Ludiwick Von Strauße

"...And after sex it just got awkward, the waffles never came out the same again." ~Oglethorpe

First Object Consciousness and Combustion Recorded

The chance are those of one in a trillion, but by means only explained by Alcoholism and Germans, an Object, in theory, could gain consciousness. The theory was suggested by a Dr Ludiwick Von Strauße of the Royal German Apothecary Society, and organization thought to be a Myth of the 17th century. A recent Spontaneous Combustion of the Duke of Blimington stirred the greatest minds of the day and age to investigate possibilities for the Duke's random explosion. The theory suggested by Dr Ludiwick implied that the explanation was linked to something the Duke had eaten. It was suggested that an ingested object in the Duke had gained consciousness only to find a miserable existence whereafter it promptly committed suicide and by doing so, exploding. The theory was labeled nothing more than thoughts induced by the vigorously well known German Alcoholism and referenced by a Dr. Harrier III as being, "Completely bonkers." Thusly the word bonkers was introduced and the Royal German Apothecary Society became the even less known, "Royal Entertaining Analogical Linguistics Laboratory of Yabberous Soliciting Taunts Unanimously Prompted Instantly by Doctors Society." Shortly after, the society was disbanded due to reasons concerning it's foolishly long name and the fact that it's anagram produced the phrase of "REALLYSTUPIDS."

Theoretical Mechanics

Using the concept so often associated with Schrödinger's cat, one can not particularly say whether or not the Object inside the Duke of Blimington was living or not, or even that it gained consciousness, or even that such a thing was the cause of his explosion. All that is known is that there is not enough evidence to say otherwise. This being so, the critics all agree that It doesn't matter what your answer is as long as you feel good about it.

The Gaining of Consciousness

Scientists have pinpointed the cause of SOC (Spontaneous Object Consciousness) back to the Stone Age. After further examination of objects from Stone Age, such as Rocks, Sticks, Mud, Laser Guns, Automobiles, Sylvester Stallone, and Ringo Star