User talk:GreenHoney
Climax Face[edit source]
Climax Face are a cult of vikings and part time basketball team from Harlem. They started playing music, which borrowed heavily from Like A Cunt Rag -era Madonna, in the 1460s but they originally started getting together to to shoot hoops and pillage since the beginning of Earth. Old people never forgave Climax Face for starting "Hooligan music" and destroying swing music. Climax Face are also famous for killing Mussollini and inventing yelling during battles, and inventing yelling in general.
The History[edit source]
Dave Perry, leader of Climax Face and former goblin, met Ben Nield, a clerk at B&M and former child star, and they decided to start a charity group. After helping orphans for about five years, they decided that they hated children and decided to start pillaging instead. They started pillaging in Burslem and in Narnia, but after they received no resistance or complaints, moved on to old people. Still, after no one paid attention to them, they decided to bomb Pearl Harbor, but were too late. After pulling a publicity stunt by trying to hold their breaths in Fountain Square for nine minutes, gay porn star Adrian Pass joined their ranks. But after a few years they had to sacrifice him to Valhalla. This made the gods happy and they called them Climax Face which means "Totally awesome" in Japanese and blessed Dave Perry with the Snout of Doom which he uses to rule in terror over all that is doom metal.
Music[edit source]
After Climax Face got tired of yelling at children and headbutting mimes, they decided to continue their war with old people by destroying swing music. They doubtlessly achieved victory through Dave Perry's magic Snout, and their success gained the fanship of Samuel L. Jackson, Hitler and Abraham Lincoln among others. They started out as a barbershop duo, and through their fame attracted a number of bassists, and they picked some dude named S.C. Hong. After they sacrificed S.C. Hong, they decided to start catching bassists in the forest by releasing the scent of blood and then springing a cage trap on them. The method was a huge success, until the Organization of Humane Treatment for Bass Players protested and tried to pass a bill to allow bass players to get married and to get rid of an unborn child, so Climax Face moved to Texas, where there were no laws concerning the matter.
One day, Climax Face were bored and decided to start making rock. Dave Perry already suffered a deformity that caused both of his arms to be guitars, so naturally, he was good at guitar. Ben Nield, previously the drum man on viking ships, decided he could contribute his drum skills to the band. Adrian Pass piped in, stating that he could "play a mean keytar", and the band started. After gaining neighborhood-wide success, local homeless man Jello Biafra decided to join Climax Face. They let him in, despite his constant pleas for the band to sing about Kit Kat Bars. Jello died two years after joining from an overdose, stating that he "Couldn't get enough o' them Kit Kat Bars" and Climax Face decided to move back to Congleton.
Upon their creation, Climax Face invented "Hooligan Music" designed to make people's heads explode. After receiving a lawsuit from a mother whose son's head exploded, they decided to start singing J-Pop, and released a whole album about Hello Kitty. Because of this, they lost all of their entire six fans and retired from music. They opened up a store called H-Tech that sold software and computers in the middle of Disneyland, USA, and made twenty bucks a day.
Controversy and Legal Troubles[edit source]
In 1991, Michael Jackson filed suit against Climax Face, claiming copyright infringement. Specifically he alleged that the lyrics to the song "Spaceship" were lifted from his song "Billie Jean," off the multi-platinum album "Leave No Child's Behind." Attorneys for the band responded with a motion to quash, stating that:
Michael Jackson is a flaming retard, in addition to being just plain flaming. Clearly, he is seeking to gain publicity by associating his mediocre work with that of one of the greatest bands in the history of rock.
As evidence of the truth of this claim, they pointed out that "Spaceship": (a) Never mentions a girl named Billie Jean; and (b) Goes like this: I told the witchdoctor I was in love with you/And then the witchdoctor, he told me what to do/He said that/Ooh eeh ooh ah ah/Ting tang/Walla walla bing bang/Ooh eeh ooh ah ah/Ting tang/Walla walla bing bang./I told the witchdoctor you didn't love me true/I told the witchdoctor, you didn't love me nice/And then the witchdoctor, he gave me this advice/He said that/Ooh eeh ooh ah ah/Ting tang/Walla walla bing bang/(Come on and)Ooh eeh ooh ah ah/Ting tang/Walla walla bing bang.
Judge Solemn P. Chetwilliger dismissed the case, and ordered Jackson to surrender what was left of his manhood, in addition to paying court costs.
Immortality[edit source]
Many have questioned why the Climax Face have lived throughout the ages and will never die. Climax Face gained their immortality by holding ritual sacrifice of their bass player to pay tribute to Valhalla for victory in battle or the recording of a new album. They also routinely visit graveyards to eat corpses of famous children's book writers, such as long-time enemies Dr. Seuss and Paul McCartney.
Immorality[edit source]
Climax Face are well known to be heartless immoral bastards whose idea of a leisurely Sunday afternoon in the park is best spent kicking pigeons and tying firecrackers to the tails of squirrels.
Members[edit source]
- David "Pez" (Don't call him "Dispenser") Perry - Yelling, Guitarms, setting things on fire, yak-like strength
- Ben "Diamond" Nield - Drums, backup yelling, doom bringer, steel cage match champion, Orson Welles impersonation
- Robert Steventon - Drums, backup yelling, crushing skulls, black belt in Jew Jitsu
- Jello Biafra - Lead screaming on the songs he wrote, iritating people with his voice and fiercely conservative commentary
- Adrian Pass - Keyboards, tambourine, triangle, trombone, former bassist (got kicked out, but had a sex change and was accepted back in), carpenter
- Mr. Chew - Team Mascot or TM aka Mr. Chews: www.mrchewsasianbeaver.com
- S.C. Hong - Bass, Inspector
Former Members[edit source]
- Shirley Temple - Bass
- Kurt Cobain - Chapman stick
- Neil "Pagey" Diamond - Bass, Guitar
- Bob Carolgees - Bass, Candles
- Gene Simmons - Bass
- Charlie Chaplin - Drums
- Rob Snape - No. 1 Fan and Bassist for about 5 seconds.
- Luther Vandross - Occasional Violence. Brief Nudity.
- http://www.climaxface.com Climax Face's website, like you couldn't have figured that out by yourself, idiot.