User:Wh dwarfs

Wh Dwarfs

"wh met Dwarf sitting in a tree. Dwarf said to wh, fancy some tea? Or something like that"

Randy Newman on wh Dwarf culture

Wh Dwarfs

n. pl. dwarfs or dwarves [ dwôrvz ]

These mythical creatures originates from the steppes of Mongolia, and have many ferocious characteristics deeming it unsuitable for a pet outside of Outer Mongolia. Due to its size, the wh Dwarfs nests in treetops, and using its large claws, creates huge treehouses for its young to nest in. With Black scaly skin, and small flap like appendages protruding from its underarms, it is considered by many one of the ugliest creatures to grace the earth (I think its cute)! Stereotypically they are considered great poets and many works of art have come from the wh Dwarfian libraries, but they have other qualities besides.

Diet

Being such large creatures, wh Dwarfs must consume over 1.32 X 10 ^-14 solar masses per day in order to stay sustained. It has been known to consume other delicacies such as Gnome Ideology and Randy Newman's.

Dangers

- DO NOT, under any circumstances sing 'Born Free' around a wh Dwarf, they find its tainted view of the wild deeply patronising.

- They hate the sound of kettles steaming, so if you have a rudimentary kettle, sort it out!

- Become very cranky if deprived of food or indeed their daily dose of 'Eastenders'

Religion

wh Dwarfians follow a system of religion very similar to Christianity. Although theirs is believable! The very first wh Dwarfian, we shall not utter his name in this un-clean place, was walking in the east end of London, 126 B.C when he spotted a bar by the name 'The Golden Lion'(this is the most common pub name in the world, the cliche is necessary)! He entered the pub and found sitting in the corner, a small creature - a Kiss. One of the most delicate and passionate creatures in the world, the Kiss bestowed on ****** the ability to heal all ailments known to his kind. ****** left the pub feeling lighter in spirit and mind, and after such an experience felt he had to share his experiences with the world. And so came to being the religion we know today as 'Dwarfism'. So is it written, so shall it be. (or something like that)

Historical Context

Throughout the Echelons of history, the Dwarfian race has been one of jest and comic value throughout the world - like that of an international equivalant of a skateboarding otter! Here I have compiled a list of the major acheivements of the Dwarfians throughout time, and the dates on which they were acheived.

- 103 B.C, First Dwarfian arrives in Jerusalam in Search of Jesus. Leaves Dissapointed.

- 12 B.C, Create first Microwave, but conceal design plans from rest of world until a suitable time.

- 42 A.D, Travel with 2nd, 9th, 14th and 20th Roman Legions to Brittania and kill all the nasty, filthy druids! Euurrggghhh!

- 801 A.D, March 13th, Monday. First Dwarfian King is Crowned; Yuri Geller. Declares curfue and orders Prohibition Edict. Is overthrown the following day.

- 801 A.D, March 14th, Tuesday. Second Dwarfian King Crowned; Elton John. Has more success then predecessor. Holds the thrown for 300 years before selling his soul to the devil and attaining eternal damnation. Still alive to this day delivering Satans will.

- 1305 William Wallace dies. Freed Scotland from tyrannical grip of British. Also helped red riding hood beat the big bad wolf.

- 1783 Lightbulb is invented but discovered not to be a lightbulb, but a very big glowworm.

- 1936 Joseph Goebbels Wins Featherweight Wrestling Title and is the first Dwarfian to overcome Testicular cancer.

- 1999 All Dwarfians everywhere visit spiritual home of Plymouth to celebrate the coming millenium. Big Knees up. Everyone drinks too much. Shit happens!

Joseph Goebbels - wh Dwarfian Wrestling Champion 1936

Darker Days

By the beginning of the 20th century, the wh Dwarfians were beginning to feel particularly crappy about themselves! So they decided to have a party, with jelly and trifle and everything! Even those little hotdogs on sticks! They invited everyone they knew, and even got some celebrities to come hang out with them such as Bono, John the Baptist and even Stalin showed up for a while. It began to get late, so the guests began to leave and after cleaning everything up, the Dwarfian's agreed that they felt much better. But it wasnt to be. For Ted the evil Bumblebee had been hiding in a nearby bush, and pounced! He covered the wh Dwarfian's in a sticky golden substance, legend claims is honey. Anywho, the Dwarfians became the only race in history to witness their own extinction. (Apologies for Paradox, One cannot witness Ones extinction)

Interesting Facts

- Have a tendency to burn themselves whilst ironing.

- They enjoy framing black and white photographs of babies in sunflower hats.

- Consume vast quantities of soya sauce.

- They rarely huff the green Kittysaurus.

- Bathe in chocolate milk.

- Very good hearing. Especially in Jelly.

- Actually have a third eye specifically designed for finding where they left their keys.

- Hate old, retired oompa loompa's slightly more then David Dickinson. Wait a minute...

- The Wh Dwarvian anthem was written by Randy Newman (or somethin' like that..)