User:WarWalrus/Nicolas Uncaged

I'll make this page later

Plot

Part 1

Nicolas Cage (Nicolas Cage) has been in a cage since 1990. A clone with a broken emotional system has been making all oh his movies. He is actually quite a normal guy. One day, a welsh WRA (Welsh Republican army)spokesman (Anthony Hopkins) comes in and kicks Nicolas Cage in the ears and then leaves. Cage goes fucking crazy and rips through the bars of the cage with his teeth. On his way he rescues other prisoners including Manny the Mammoth (Shirley Bassey), Mothra (John Travolta), John Wilkes Booth (Steve Coogan) and Tom Cruise's career.

As they emerge into daylight it burns the prisoners' skin. Cage shouts to the sky "I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire!", Manny the Mammoth fossilises, Mothra evaporates, John Wilkes Booth decomposes and Tom Cruise's career goes up in smoke. Cage then goes to New York and orders a pizza. When the pizza man (Will Smith) turns up, Cage is surprised (due to his imprisonment since 1990) to see that he is black. He exclaims "how'd it get burned? How'd it get burnt?!" while pointing at the pizza man's face.

Cage then goes to a bar where he meets the russian, Gorbachov (Mikhail Gorbachev). Gorbachov is trying to sell his shoes. Cage tries to strangle the russian while putting on his shoes. The struggle leads them to fall into a bird bath. They emerge into an underwater kingdom where Poseidan (Michael Gambon)is king. He rapes both men and keeps them in his sex cage with Peter Macnicol (Peter Macnicol)

Part 1 ends with an intermission with Duncan Bannentyne's ice cream and sodomy.

Part 2

Nicolas Cage, Gorbachov and Peter Macnicol are shivering in a cage underwater. Peter Macnicol drowns and his body floats to the top of the cage. As poseidan comes for his evening rape, Cage breathes fire at him. Poseidan turns into a million wallabees that prominantly drown.

Cage and Gorbachov then surface and hide in the long, tall grass. There, they meet a strange mountain man (Michael Fassbender) who kills birds (Sean Bean). The mountain man then takes Cage and Gorbachov to his cave where they watch TV. mostly The Magic Roundabout. They then thank the mountain man and leave. Cage is then tazed by the invisible man (Queen Elizabeth II) while Gorbachev is killed by falling pianos. Cage looks up to see Sir Ranulph Fiennes (Sir Ranulph Fiennes) throwing instruments at him from above while shouting "that's for my fingers, you insolunt sod!". As Cage runs away, he finds out that he is actually on mars. He realises that he does not have a space suit on and begins to suffocate. His head then asplodes.