User:Votes4voles/Santa finally receives letters from dyslexic children

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After years of misdirection, Santa will at last receive letters from dyslexic children.

February 2016

The tragedy of little Mary Jane's dyslexia, the failed spelling tests, the inability to tell left from right, was further compounded by never once receiving a gift from Santa! That's right. And it wasn't because she was naughty. (OK, she was naughty, but that wasn't the reason.) It was because she was dyslexic. And because she was dyslexic, because of spelling errors which she could not control, all the letters she so faithfully wrote to Santa were, as a result of her disability, addressed to "Satan", and went straight to Hell.

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Mary Jane's letter to Santa, sent by mistake to the Lord of Hell

Sadly, because of her difficulty with forming letters correctly, not to mention putting them in the right order, it was impossible to tell if she wanted Santa to bring her a doll or a ball . However, because the letter went to Satan, rather than to Santa, she received no gift at all! To make matters worse, Mary Jane's non-dyslexic sister Karen received presents from Santa every year, and she never let Mary Jane forget it. Mary Jane could see that Karen was every bit as naughty as she was, and yet every year there were presents from Santa for Karen, and none for Mary Jane. And Mary Jane's heart grew bitter.

For one child to suffer in such a way was tragic enough, but the tragedy was compounded by the fact that for years millions of dyslexic children had been innocently writing letters to Santa, and unknowingly sending those letters to Hell.

However, Mary Jane did have one magical friend she could count on: The Tooth Fairy. When Mary Jane left her first tooth under her pillow, the Tooth Fairy left her a gift of money, and not a penny less than she left for Mary Jane's obnoxious sister Karen. Mary Jane was so thrilled to be treated so fairly by the fairy, that she left her a little thank-you note.

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Mary Jane's thank-you note to the Tooth Fairy

The tooth fairy was unaccustomed to receiving thank-you notes, since the only thing required for payment was a tooth placed under a pillow. The note touched her tiny fairy heart. It was clear from the note that its young writer was dyslexic, although what the note actually said was less obvious. But she soon realized that this little girl had been unknowingly appealing to Satan for presents, and that was just wrong! And so she determined to remedy the situation, somehow. She turned first to her longtime confidante The Easter Bunny, who said he would be happy to bring Mary Jane some chocolate eggs. Unfortunately, unlike her sister Karen, Mary Jane was allergic to chocolate. So Karen got all the chocolate eggs.

The tooth fairy decided that her only hope was to take the matter directly to Santa. So she made a deal with Jack Frost (which we don't need to go into here) to get herself to the North Pole, where she explained Mary Jane's plight to Santa himself. Santa was sympathetic, but said there was nothing he could do about the misdirected missives.

"Like they say, what goes to hell stays in hell! Ho! Ho! Ho!" laughed Santa. "And besides, they're probably all burned up by now, anyhow! Ho! Ho! Ho!" However, he did agree to file a name correction with the post office, so that letters addressed to "Satan" would go to him instead.

At first, postal officials were leery of the request. What if some letters were actually meant for Satan, from persons wanting to sell their souls, for example? However, on contacting Satan they learned that he had stopped paying for souls and was just burning any such requests. "We've exceeded warehouse capacity to store souls," Satan informed them, "and we're having to rent storage units for the ones that keep coming in. We're under contract to take them, but have no place to put them, really. We're certainly not about to pay for any more!"

And so now, thanks to Mary Jane's thank-you note to the Tooth Fairy, good little dyslexic children everywhere will have their letters read and answered by Santa, and not Satan, who never would have helped them anyway. And so we see that with persistence and a grateful heart, any writer, even one afflicted with dyslexia and a chocolate allergy, can write something that will benefit millions of people! At least that is what happens in that magical land where The Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny and Santa Claus are real.

But, you may wonder, what about those times when Santa opens a letter that was actually meant for Satan? A letter from some person wanting to make a deal with the Devil?

"Well, I'm certainly not bringing them anything for Christmas! Ho! Ho! Ho!" laughs Santa. "Making deals with the Devil is definitely naughty in my book! Ho! Ho! Ho!" Indeed!