User:The-Real-Syko/Shadow The Hedgehog

LOL I kept a page cos I'm working on a rewrite now leave it alone kthnxbai.

People stay away from Shadow. Well, except Sora, but we all know what happened to him...

“This is the Ultimate!”

~ Shadow the Hedgehog on Just about Everything in Sonic Adventure 2

Shadow the Hedgehog is an anti-hero and a cooler, blacker version of Sonic the Hedgehog. He is a hitman working for the Team Chaotix Hitman Agency. Some say he is emo, and it is NOT true. Who could try to destroy the world and be emo at the same time? Besides Shinji Ikari...

Creation

Shadow was created by Prof. Gerald Robotnik to be the Ultimate Life-Form. (Yes, that's Ultimate with a capital U.) Gerald's niece Maria (you really don't care, do you?) suffered from nibs (nymph-like irresistible body syndrome) and Gerald figured that an artificial hedgehog would not only be unaffected by a human female due to supreme morale standards, (unlike a certain blue hedgehog) but also keep Maria company and protect her from creepy otaku folk. Shadow ended up getting most of his bizarre traits from Gerald, such as his foul breath and deadly aim with nearly any weapon known to man.

Shadow's life didn't start too badly--he'd talk to the researchers, walk about, and look at the Earth beneath him. Boring, one might say, but at least it was peaceful.

Shadow as born entirely black. One day however, while eating a habenero and mayonnaise sandwich, Shadow bit into an extra hot pepper and while in pain he got some Mayo on his chest. Low and behold the Mayo reacted with Shadow's ultimate DNA and became a patch of bright white chest hair, meanwhile the pain from the peppers permanently turned his eyes red and gave him those crazy red stripes.

Shadow was created as Chuck Norris kicked a guy in the face so fast it broke the space-time continuum, causing Earth to be sucked into a black hole(in the future), killing Amelia Earhart and creating Shadow in the near future.

Two Stupid Mistakes

Well, the one thing about governments is that they suck. The head-up-his-ass commander of G.U.N. decided that killing everyone on the ARK was a good thing to do. Why, we don't know. We don't really care either.

Anyway, after seeing all the corpses, including that of Maria, Shadow spent most of his time killing all the soldiers, and after that, drinking every ounce of beer, wine, gin and whiskey within the space station. In a drunken stupor (heed this warning, kids!), he ejected himself down to Earth. That was, of course, Shadow's first mistake.

What really happened, was G.U.N. was supposed to protect the space station. Unfortunately, the G.U.N. troops all got high off of the A.R.K.'s exhaust fumes and sipped a little too much beer. They thought the scientists were all hippies ( G.U.N. rule 1- kill all Hippies(stupid tree hugging biatches!)).G.U.N. was authorized to send a 2nd strike, however, they were all high off germ-x and ended up hitting the colony A.R.K.( thus giving the maker of the crappy arcade game: asteroids the idea) and exploding into a million pieces. After Shadow learned about them drinking his stash of beer, he killed them all.

Shadow's second mistake was aiming the escape pod at a big-ass minefield. What happened next? It begins with "B and ends with ¨OOM!¨, that's right, BIG MUSHROOM! Shadow miraculously survived--but he landed right in front of some soldiers. After being taken to prison, his sentence was carried out--Shadow was given an atomic wedgie and subsequently stuffed in a cryogenic capsule for the next 50 years. After about 2 weeks in the capsule thingy, his memory got really fucked up.

As time went by

Looks like Shadow's got some Kool-Aid! =D And it also looks like he's not gonna share it...=( After he was freed by Eggman, his memory was even more fucked up than before, thinking Maria wanted Shadow to kill everyone. After stealing a ring upgrade unit to boost his powers, he then decided to teach the people of Earth a lesson, saying, "I promised her --something I can´t remember..." He then teamed up with Dr. Eggman and Rouge the Bat to destroy all fans of Final Fantasy VII and Sephiroth. But then Amy Rose convinced him to save them, tricking him into thinking that he was supposed to save the world, after humping him several times. He then fought the Crocodile, a giant lizard that looked eerily like a big red dick. Shadow instead blew that fucker's head off and the entire space colony. Then he found the "Instantly Turn Into a Golden-Looking Super-Sexy Almighty God" power-up and used it to save the others and fell to Earth, thinking "Boy, I'd sure kill for some Kool-Aid." Drunkenness Shadow is an alcoholic. One time, after going on an alcohol fuelled rampage, killing a lot of people, he then explained that he thought some black aliens were invading the earth. In reality it was just G.U.N. putting the crack down on black guy street crime. It is alcohols fault that he is an amnesiac. Now he takes AA meetings and now gets drunk off of Kool-Aid. But some guy took his kool-aid so he killed everyone in the room because he was angry. Then he killed Bill Gates to get two chaos emeralds and a jug of double scotch. Rouge witnessed the murder and was going to tell the authorities but shadow used the double scotch to get her drunk so she wouldn't remember anything and for fun had sex with her. Where is he now?? According to rumours, Shadow later was baptised into the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Another rumour (and a more likely possibility) is that he worships himself (Shadanity). This is not surprising, considering he is the Ultimate Life-form...right? Shadow then set off to find out about Eggman and repent for his evil ways. After Shadow repented, he put himself under the tutelage of Chuck Norris; to this date Shadow is the only being resilient enough to survive Chuck's torturous training regimens (although Espio the Chameleon had a narrow escape from a violent orgy he once organised). Another rumour heard by several fangirls say he is secretly in a relationship with Sonic. This rumor is obviously not true considering Shadow is already in a relationship with Rouge the Bat, plus Sonic says that he is too busy to free his schedule of time for a relationship with anyone, gay or straight, due to his constant state of being a douche bag. Yet, other people say he got too drunk and fell off the earth (however that happened) and is currently living in Hell. In Hell, Shadow, Satin, Itigaki, Hitler, and Dr. Robotnik play poker every Wednesday. Sonic vs Shadow 10+ reasons why Shadow is better than Sonic. It wouldn't look good if there weren't any reasons, would it? Shadow has got much cooler super powers. He is dark. Public likes dark characters. Hot chicks too. Especially with big boobs. He Works at Taco Bell (McDonald's sucks!) Shadow has an IQ of 200,000,000,000,000 Shadow never unleashed cross species furry-ism by kissing a human. He can swim. He can cook. He can f*ck. He is his own God. 10 is too little. He needs 11 reasons. Well, here's reason # 11. Convinced yet? Reason # 12 added because he has rocket shoes. Shadow CAN actually kick Sonic's ass. He's crazy awesome looking He will actually kill someone, not just beat the crap out of them then leave them to take over the world again For no aparent reason at all, pie. He's just that badass These reasons aren't the end of the debate, however. If we said they were we'd be Sued in 0.567 seconds. Chuck Norris vs Shadow Despite the fact Shaodw is 'The Ultimate Multi-cellular Living Thingy', Chuck Norris is still better BECAUSE: Chuck Norris sees why kids love the great taste of Cinnamon Toast Chrunch!