User:Tattaglia/Karate-Chop-Death-Blow
A "Karate-Chop-Death-Blow" is an ancient attack move, first invented by Bang-Mi-Shin, a Master in the martial art of rainbows. The move was first likened to the graceful movement of the Ultra-Panda bear, but this proved to be too difficult to place into an awesome Chinese sentence like "Two Cows Jumps Far" or something similar. Eventually, the move remained nameless until Marco Polo traveled to China, and founded a new language of Engrish. This new "Engrish" helped Chinese students of rainbows to give the previously unnamed deadly move a proper name.
After fifty years of researching, Yo-Gurt (Bang-Mi-Shin's only part-panda son) finally came up with the new name for his father's combat move. Upon reading it for the first time, Yo-Gurt burst into flames as part of his pact with Satan, but luckily a young Mao Zedong came across the name, thought about it, and went Communist, like many famous people do.
Discovery of the Karate-Chop-Death-Blow[edit | edit source]
The mystery surrounding the infamous Karate-Chop-Death-Blow had been slowly revealed to mankind over the course of history, but its true purpose was only just discovered after reading the back of a box of Twinkies.
The following was revealed to the human race -
Ingredients
* Enriched Wheat Flour (enriched with ferrous sulphate (iron), B vitamins (niacin, thiamine mononitrate [B1], and ribofavin))
* Sugar
* Corn syrup
* Baby corn
* Babies
* Water
* Sparkling Water
* High fructose corn syrup
* Vegetable and/or animal goodness (containing one or more of partially hydrogenated soybean, cottonseed)
* Dextrose
* Eggs
* Donkey Bollocks
Note: The Secret to the Karate-Chop-Death-Blow is as follows: Using legs, perform aerial 90 degree drop kick with an
outstretched left palm. Using your cupped right hand, thrust elbows downwards while balancing on tiptoes.
Back-flip ten feet, then land on knees. Lunge at target with palms facing downwards, grapple body,
and hurl towards forehead. After doing so, using a flat, straight palm, chop into opponent's neck.
If clicking sound is heard, target is now mortally wounded.
Panic Ensues![edit | edit source]
Although the Karate-Chop-Death-Blow is possibly the greatest achievement the world has ever known, the Karate-Chop-Death-Blow is also feared throughout the Northern Hemisphere, and is lawfully (according to the Michael Tyson Act of 1995) only used in extreme circumstances, such as being assaulted, not paying taxes, losing your remote control, curing asthma, and in the rare case of "Angry Boredom" - usually resulting in mass fatalities.
The international government have decreed that the Karate-Chop-Death-Blow should be only used in rare and extreme circumstances, but many ruthless criminals (hitmen, drug dealers, CEOs, and Vikings) have also decided that they can use Karate-Chop-Death-Blow whenever they feel like it, and they feel like using it a lot. Hell, these criminals are even worse than Elmo on crystal meth. Luckily, the Iraqi military asploded his residence with a cruise missile before any serious damage was done.
Cost of a single Tomahawk cruise missile - $600,000
Watching Elmo burst into flames on CNN - Priceless.
Control of Karate-Chop-Death-Blows[edit | edit source]
Because the use of the Karate-Chop-Death-Blow has been skyrocketing over the past decade due to alcohol, narcotics, and homosexual giraffes, the "now-defunct-but-now-its-okay" United Nations has imposed an international fine of 5,000 bucks (reindeer are acceptable, as are elk) on any human (midgets are not counted, sorry) caught in the act of a Karate-Chop-Death-Blow, but this has failed to impact on the increasing rate of deaths caused by Karate-Chop-Death-Blows. This is mainly because:
A) Nobody gives a damn about the United Nations.
B) Nobody gives a damn about fines.
and/or
C) Nobody gives a damn about all of the above because any sane person would just Karate-Chop-Death-Blow anyone that would even consider giving them a fine in the first place.
Use of Karate-Chop-Death-Blows[edit | edit source]
The use of Karate-Chop-Death-Blows is relatively easy to manage and learn, as long as you are a black-belt in Taekwondo, have a copy of Karate-Chop-Death-Blows for Dummies , and have a Master's Degree in Astrophysics In most Karate-Chop-Death-Blows, the person conducting the Karate-Chop-Death-Blow must be extremely calm, confident, and cool as a cucumber, but any cold-ish vegetable will do. Cucumber is not a fruit. I think.