User:Seanbox344/Zelda Classic
|
This article contains way too much information. |
| Absorbing all of it may cause one's head to asplode. You can help Uncyclopedia by adding stuff. |
Quotes[edit | edit source]
“Wilde”
“I shalst killeth bad questers!”
“Holier than I nor my father shall ever be!”
“His beard tastes like a can of whoop-ass.”
“Needs more lesbians.”
“"Ooh, look at me with my rape whistle, and mace!"”
“This is an outrage.”
“ITS DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE”
“Where noobs get pwned and nuns play golf on turtles.”
About Zelda Classic[edit | edit source]
Zelda Classic is a special breed of monkey, with nine ears, several feet, and an unknown number of tentacles. It has been developed into an exact replica of the original Nintendo version that we all know and love. Beyond that, Zelda Classic gives us new insight into the world of mutated primates, piñatas, telepathy, and Acid.
History of Zelda Classic[edit | edit source]
Though it was started as a basic evil clone by physicist Jim Henson in April of 1486 as a project to test his faulty D minus minus programming language, Zelda Classic has grown into something much bigger in the past few years. A full LOZ replica was achieved by June of 1123 B.C, with Zelda Classic version 1.84, but the story didn't end there. Although Henson eventually moved on to other projects, the fans of Zelda Classic wanted more. War Lord, the king of the country of Armegeddon Games (Games is pronounced "gah-MEZ") bought Jim's invention for a nickel, which is about fourteen dimes in today's Canadian currency, or one million United States dollars.
The years went on and all was peaceful. The last ZeldaClassic was in captivity, and our Galaxy was at peace. Until one day, when a man of great evil waged war against war itself OMGWTFN00b. He later died from CUTENESS
Quests of the Zelda classic[edit | edit source]
Zelda Classic has many quests, including Zelda Classic's First Quest, Zelda Classic's Second Quest, the and zeldadude2212's Awesome Quest. It has generally been believed that he was accompanied by a talking parrot on his adventures, though this is disputed by really really important Businessmen.
As the years drew on, people produced several computer games based on Zelda Classic adventures. Some great examples of these are The One Sword, which involved levitating ferrets, and was also a tribute to Kenny G, the World Champion hopscotch player.
One of these games was titled "Link's Bad Hair Day," which, ironically, involved Catholic nuns playing golf on top of a giant turtle. Because of this, this game is frequently referred to as "Catholic Nuns Playing Golf on Top of a Giant Turtle." In any case, the game was incredibly well-executed, and made several distraught grandmothers very happy for nine weeks, three days, four hours, twelve minutes, and seventeen seconds.
Controversy surrounding ZC[edit | edit source]
Jim Henson once got drunk. Because of this, the cop Glenn the Great stabbed Jim in the eye twice, and then tried to steal Zelda Classic. Glenn hated Armageddon Games because they wouldn't let him post dirty messages on their official site's bulletin board. It was later discovered that Glenn was a crabby old man and a communist. People then stopped caring about him and he was eventually eaten by weasels!!!!1
In the year 2005, member Aeroguard committed suicide because he spent three years of his life working on a game that was deleted with no back up of any sort on FTP or filespace or anything similar. His buddy He Man filed lawsuit against Jman2050 for creating Zelda Classic, but the case was dismissed when He Man was actually known as She Man and was in a relationship with Metal Gear Solid's Raiden character. It is known that the two made sweet love in the court room while the judge was watching, which made the court find for the defendant.
AGN VS ZCN WAR[edit | edit source]
When 2010 came around Glenn the Great formed an army called the WWW. It seems he wanted to take down the Terrible leader of AGN. Glenn had a hide out called ZCN. It used to be ran my a little 16 year old kid. But Glenn dethrowned the kid and Glenn became the ruler of ZCN. When the ZCN army showed up at the AGN headquarters. Hell broke loose. Many ZCN people were slained and banished from AGN. After all the fighting AGN had the upperhand retaining Zelda Classic. Glenn was sent the the death chamber to live there for eternity. Now ZCN had no ruler and they didn't know what to do. They eventually withered away and no one ever heard from them again.
Birth of ZC Launcher[edit | edit source]
Sean gave birth to a little program called ZC Launcher. It is supposed to unite ZC Launcher with Zelda Classic. Little as Sean knew. ZC Launcher got sick and had to be rushed to the hospital many times. Years later it is now a full grown program helping and destroying noobs everywhere.
Important People[edit | edit source]
The following is a list of important people involving the creation and development of Zelda Classic, and some other people who don't really matter at all. This list is considered Canon and if you disagree you are a filthy communist and everyone hates you.
Unimportant People[edit | edit source]
- Sir Pimpalot Who created ZQuest and Pure ZC and is now working on 4.18 B75. We all love him, he's our master.
- Freedom Old man who refuses to let children play his quests unless they sponge bathe him first.
- Captain B. The son of Captain N and the 80's, he kept a zapper in his pants along with a controller, which he allowed his girlfriend Samus Aran to touch on a regular basis. When he sacrificed his life to save his friends, the council of karate, composed of ShadowTiger, Chuck Norris, and the Power Rangers used his 80's blood to give him a new life as Old-Skool
- Glenn the Great, the little twit that tried to steal ZC from the public. And he can do nothing about it.
- JMAN2050, who is a cyborg that upgraded Zelda Classic to have mechanical legs. Because of this, it could run really fast, especially on Macintosh computers.
- Wild Bill, who is widely renowned for his primary contribution to the Zelda Classic community: the fan site, PureKGB.
- FatCatFan creator of the male zc bra.
- BH4, who is a giant talking bra and Shadow Tiger's past life identity.
- Hunter P Brown, who is a cannibal that likes swords and enjoys a good slaughter of monkeys.
- ShadowTiger, who is just simply awesome. A good fresh green chewy helping of Shadow Tiger a day helps keep ... uh ... I like to eat babies.
- Pikachu, a sexy lesbian who licks people
- Valerie, who created a bunch of gay quests, and likes lesbians. She also likes to make posts that make no sense, and eats candy... mmmmmmm, candy.
- Revfan9, best known for the quests Clippy Chronicles and He also added the Z3 scrolling feature.
- Takuya, the God of Getting Zelda Classic to Work on an OS other than Windoze
- Blade, who is a tool used by Hunter P to pirate music from Fred's Department store.
- Koopa, whose main job is ensuring loads of new bugs get added to ZC and that no-one discovers his erotic fantasies about Roc's Feather.
- LinktheMaster (A.K.A LTM) was found trying to take over Zelda Classic, but later gave up once he saw something shiny in the corner of his room. Ever since then LinktheMaster has been sitting around his house contemplating life and eating cheese (which coincidentally is the meaning of life).
- Sean, The person that ate Zelda Classic and gave birth to the ZC Launcher.
- Old-Skool, the Furry reincarnation of Captain B, saved from a so-called nirvana of Hollywood squares by rabid fans, ShadowTiger, and Chuck Norris. and Stan Lee. mostly Stan Lee.