User:RED RECON XIV
Yoffrey Phrazoor's anti-communist, anti-socialist, anti-dictator, anti-hippy, anti-cow tipping ("It's not nice to our main source of calium!" -Yoffrey Phrazoor)militant analog to the widely popular A-Team. Since the A-Team was cancelled, Red 14's unauthorized use of military-level force has kept our (USA) streets clean.
JESUS AND RED 14
The first World War sparked the 14th Forward Recon Battalion's creation. anti-German aggressors began to pray for the Germans to be painfully burned off the face of the Earth. God, being a busy man, gave the precursors of Red 14 the heat way too late, and didn't do a very good job. Al Gore now attempts to convince society that we are melting our planet by pollution. He obviously does not know, unlike chuck Norris (he knows) that it is merely God's birthday present for Kaiser Wilhelm. By 1939, the Nazis were rising, and the members of the recently formed RED (society of Readily Enraged Diplomats) forgave Jesus and god for their apparent procrastination. When RED asked for the Germans to be slain once more, the almighty screwed up again, killing countless Japs in Hiroshima. Since God felt so embarassed about his failure, he attempted to nuke the Germans again. as you may know, God failed again, hitting the Jap city of Nagasaki right inna' nutz. Chuck Norris, having the divine power to speak to God, asked him "why the hell" he wasn't on "XBOX LIVE". And Chuck also offered to take out the Nazis for God. God, feeling suicidal, accepted and thanked Chuck. Chuck, a member of RED, flew to Berlin, Germany, via the US Air Force. He then roundhouse kicked himself into Hitler's bunker. The tremors, as a result of Chuck's power, collapsed the bunker, trapping all of it's residents within, including Chuck. After dipatching Hitler's guard's, Chuck found Hitler's personal quarters. When Chuck was about to pwn Hitler, he saw that Adolf had an XBOX 360 ELITE and Call of Duty 5. The two decided to have an ultimate COD5 BATTLE ROYALE to decide who would get the gun in the fight. Chuck did not need the gun, but merely wanted to see if the new Call of Duty had a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick function. Disapponted, Chuck tore Adolf's eyes out through his rectum, while strangling Adolf's wife, who was a bitch who just wanted him for the money. After "neutralizing" the Nazi pigs, Chuck lifted the bunker above him, and flew away back to RED's headquarters. (upstate New York) Congratulated by his fellow members, Chuck was given a solid cubic zirconium propellor beanie for his efforts. He than receded to his cryogenics lab to chill (literally) with Walt Disney until the rise of Edward Cullen, when he will awaken and wipe away the Vampire scourges of the Earth. (Chuck norris can be seen in a cryo-tube in the first level of Halo 1, to the left of Master chief's tube)
PUBERTY AND RED 14
There is no relation between the 14th Forward Recon Battalion and your malfunctioning pituitary gland. Yeah, blame your mom for drinking after being knocked up.
9/11 AND RED 14
The largest failure to protect the people of the US in RED 14's history. But seriously, 3,000 innocent American lives were lost due to cowardly extremists and their violent religious beliefs. Screw Islam. don't say "oh but we are different" "we are not violent" screw you. go throw some shoes at the most powerful man in the world. Evenif he is an idiot and his policies suck. Still a bad idea.
RED 14 AND YOU
The ant-crime organization of Red 14 has probably saved your potentially worthless life before, even if you don't know it. This is because all members of Red 14 are trained Ninjas, and as a result, very stealthy, athletic, and badass. A rare sighting, a picture recorded by the late David Wilkerson, (depicting two Red 14 members jammin' with their guitars) can be seen in Mr. DeBora's classroom, on the bottom of the Wall of Awesomeness. (Not to be confused with the Awesome Wall of China, an extension to the Great Wall of China, preceded by the Beastly Wall of China) but back to the point. If you wish thank a member of Red 14 for thier service to your community, THAT'S TOO DAMN BAD! You will never see a member of Red 14, and if you do, you'll be a zombie, since he would have killed you already. If you wish to become a member of Red 14, YOU CAN!! Just ask your local Walmart greeter if they want it up the bum (the code word) and he will give you a schedule to the Red 14 meetings, along with a map to the secret meeting place. (Upstate New York) The Red 14 fan hotline is 331-643 2565, in case you wish to thank your saviors, even if it's not in person... which will never happen. Red 14 accepts donations, which should be mailed to 42 Waverly Place, Valley Village, California. Red 14 only accepts $50s, do to a malfunction in their mailbox scanner system. Red 14 justly blames this on Hitler's ghost.
THANK YOU 4 REEDING... SORRY I HAVE PEANUT BUTTER IN MY KEYBOARD AND CAPS LOCK IS STUCK...