User:Professor Fate/REE-tard

“It's pronounced REE-tard. Now re-TARD, that's a verb. Hell, even I know that, and I'm a REE-tard.”

~ Forrest Gump on being a REE-tard

“Ah'm re-TARD.”

~ A Southern retiree

A REE-tard is a person with slooooooowed men-tal de-vel-op-ment. Originally bred as a source of amusement, retards have over the years come to dominate politics, business, academia, and the arts.

In politics

Retards love the hula, and are often seen doing it at inapropriate occasions

“Yup. Yup. Yup.”

~ Senators voting to authorize the war in Iraq

In business

“Don't be evil. Leave that to us.”

~ Weird Google slogan

“...And then you just say, 'Ten bucks says I miss this shot.'”

~ Larry Kudlow, from his book Beating the Retards of Wall Street

In academia

“See the happy REE-tard,
Doesn't give a damn.
Wish I was a REE-tard.
Egad! Perhaps I am.”

~ Your English professor on why he never found steady employment as a poet

In the arts

In the 1950s, millions of viewers tuned in each week to watch the adventures of Lucy and Ricky Retardo.

“ret.”

~ Musical notation, indicating the place at which the retards come in